The Crime Of Flying Solo.

THE CRIME OF FLYING SOLO

Let’s talk about being single…
Recently a man responded to one of my posts , saying ‘no wonder you are single’, meant as an insult and a judgement. But sometimes your relationship is just cortisol wrapped in cologne, honey.

Here are my thoughts:

There is this idea that a woman only has value of she has been chosen by a man. That a single woman is somehow defective. That the only way a woman can command respect or stature in society is by being somebody’s wife. That a woman needs the back-up of a man in order to be heard, or be successful. But these are outdated patriarchal ideas that have become part of the fabric of our collective unconscious. And they are not correct.

I do believe that we are wired to want connection. That human beings love the idea of being chosen. That we crave intimacy and physical touch, perhaps a over all else. We are social beings and biologically driven to search for sex. But sex is not intimacy. And when we start to discern this, we can re-imagine this biological blueprint.

In this era, in this country a woman can earn her own money, drive her own car, and buy her own home. So why are we still clinging to the idea that we need to be in a romantic relationship? Don’t get me wrong, I love a romantic relationship as much as the next person, but the truth is that many of us are clinging to liaisons way beyond their sell by date. Habit? Convenience? Perhaps. But also because we have come to believe that being in a relationship is somehow superior to being single.

However, if you have ever been single for a period of time, you might have discovered that being single is a powerful and self-affirming choice.
Being single is a state of unapologetic independence.
It’s the choice of self reliance, of friendship over romantic love.
And let’s face it, romantic love isn’t always so romantic.
Being single is choosing peace over conflict.
Choosing happiness over mediocrity or hurt.
It’s being happy with your own company, comfortable in your own space.
To travel solo and meet new people outside of your comfort zone.
Being single is choosing freedom, embracing our wildness and being open to new possibilities.
Being single is a conscious choice to wait for the right time or right person.
To not settle, or stay stuck.

Most importantly, being single is choosing yourself, and this is not selfish. Calling back your energy is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. By doing this you are investing in yourself. Making time for your own projects and passions instead of investing in somebody else’s.

Some of the most productive times in my life have been when I was single. Even when I chose to sit with my unhappiness… writing, journeying, contemplating. Choosing to sit with my trauma until I understood it and could set it free, without the band aid of throwing myself into another relationship..Trying to fix or help a partner rather than myself. This is where personal growth begins. This is the most important journey of your life time, the journey into self.

I am not single but I am very happy when I am. This image is of me being single at Feel Festival in 2019, feeling ALL of the feels. ❤️

If you struggle with being single, or are needing to remove yourself from a toxic relationship, let’s talk.
Book a life coaching session with me online or in perso .

I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
T/DR Candice Baker
00013133614
You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
+0027833613255