Candice Baker Life Coach

Tag: life

  • The Emotional Saboteur

    Image by Ken Lovell,

    Model Mermaid Storm

    THE EMOTIONAL SABOTEUR

    Have you ever felt embarassed when someone treated you badly, as if there was something wrong with you?
    Kept quiet when a lover cheated or abused you, as if this was a reflection of yourself worth?

    When we outsource our self worth to others, even those who barely know us, we fall into the trap of believing that their opinion of us is what defines us. That their treatment of us is a reflection of who we are.
    It isn’t… It’s a reflection of who they are.

    You feel like the idiot for trusting them. When in fact you are not responsible for their actions.

    You will doubt yourself, taking to heart the opinion of somebody who actually doesn’t know you very well. Ignoring the fact that it serves them to belittle you, and that is not a reflection of your worth.

    Perhaps your relationship is going nowhere, you are being treated as a place holder until your upgrade comes along. And somehow this makes you believe that you don’t deserve better. That you can turn bread crumbs into a meal. Forgetting that you are already a 3 course gourmet feast.

    And then the self discovery starts. You begin to ask the right questions and discover you aren’t too much. You aren’t too sensitive or too needy. You are exactly who you know you are.

    And when this shift happens, you take your power back. I’m not talking about the girly pep talk in the bar, or that nice chick in the bathroom who shared her eyeliner and told you you were pretty…I’m talking about the moment you start believing it. No more doubt, pure embodiment of your true nature. Pure self acceptance. Pure self love. Warts and all. Not perfect, but aware of your worth.

    That’s when you stop taking shit. That’s when you no longer give AF.

    As long as you believe the idea that others have of you. ..as long as you take those heated words to heart…you are outsourcing your self image to others. Others who do not have the best intentions for you. People who want you to fall in to their plan for you, regardless of whether this actually benefits you.

    So next time somebody lies to you, cheats you, insults you or sabotages you…take note and act accordingly.
    No need to return the favour. That is still giving them your energy.
    Simply withdraw it.


    Maintain your integrity.
    Protect your self esteem, not theirs.
    Step back and find your tribe. There are people who will value you above what you have to offer them.
    Walk away from those who are not good for your peace. Walk away from those who make you doubt yourself.
    It hurts when you realise that some people only loved the useful and convenient version of you. People who disappear the moment you ask for something real, or turn on you when the going gets tough.

    Believe me, I’ve let random men on Facebook get under my skin with their personal comments, as if they themselves look like Brad Pitt.
    But why? These are strangers letting their issues play out on my newsfeed. Mostly men who should know better and be embarassed by their own behaviour.

    I’ve been there, watching someone undermine me and damage my career and reputation due to female competition. It was one of the most traumatic phases I have lived.
    But here’s the thing…who is going to believe them? Only the ones who were never in your corner to begin with. Only the ones who don’t care enough to ask questions. It’s no loss. It’s actually the trash taking itself out.

    Surround yourself with people who admire and believe in you. Even when you don’t believe it yourself. Aspire to get there and they will cheer you along.

    Remember, if somebody is pulling you down, it is because they are already beneath you. What they do to you is not who you are. What they say about you does not define you.
    Only you can do that.

    Centre yourself so that the actions and words of others don’t shake your core. Take a few deep breaths and let it go. Create some distance to gain perspective.
    Because only you get to decide who you are.
    Who has access to you.
    Who you give power to.
    And this kind of unshakeable peace is the ultimate freedom.

    I am a holistic life coach & wellness coach, registered traditional doctor with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • Polarity Isn’t Progress

    POLARITY ISN’T PROGRESS

    Polarity is a reaction to feminism. A reset for the idea that a woman can (and should) do everything by herself. There is a lot of talk on the Internet about polarity, especially in the Manosphere. This concept of how a woman should think and act does not take into account personal traits and preferences. What she should expect from her life, what her role is in society applies a blanket rule for all.

    And how alpha /real men are providers, again ignoring personality types and individual differences. Hell, half the men I’ve seen online are in their princess era! Some are body builders and some wear makeup, and some do both.
    When you try to squeeze an entire gender into one small box, it all gets really toxic really fast.

    Everybody is different, we are all unique individuals, yes…even the ‘females’, as the Manosphere likes to refer to us as. There is no one-size-fits-all in human relationships or psychology. Not even from an evolutionary or cultural perspective, where some societies are matriarchal and some are patriarchal. Where Amazon’s were warriors and men were subservient while other societies cast women into the submissive role.

    So let’s turn gender bias on its ass for a second. Some women like to provide, and some men like to stay at home and take care of the family. Some women are body builders and some men are ultra-fem. And that’s ok!
    Women are gender policed because they are too strong, too muscular, too independent. Or too sexy, too promiscuous, too independant. Men are policed too, because they are too soft, too feminine, too simp, too homo, too alpha.

    While men are encouraged to integrate their feminine side in some circles, women who embrace their masculine side are criticised in others. We are called bitch, butch, scary, liberated. They are called conscious, enlightened, or homo. It depends who you ask.

    How about we take each person as an individual, in a world where variety is interesting and even entertaining?
    Calling a strong woman butch or a soft man a simp is a form of bullying I have encountered a few times in my life, and I found it to be really upsetting.

    After some thought and some insightful chats to other strong women, I have come to realize something I already knew on an intellectual level. I just needed to remove the emotional sting. Return the energy to sender. Accept and love the path that I have chosen, or change it for my own reasons.

    *At the end of the day, we should all be striving to integrate elements of our opposite gender to be better balanced humans.
    *People who shame others are doing it out of their own insecurities.
    *Body shaming is just a form of gender stereotyping and bullying, don’t ever feel the need to fit into anybody’s mould.
    *Rise above comments that do not deserve a response.
    *People who are trying to pull you down are already below you.

    Let’s pack away these ridiculous boxes and try to not be kak humans, ok?

    I am a holistic life coach & wellness coach, registered traditional doctor with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • Goddess Rising

    Image by Ken Lovell, Model Mermaid Storm

    GODDESS RISING

    The Goddess Was Never Pure.
    Somewhere along the way, a woman’s worth became entangled with the idea of purity.
    Untouched. Unclaimed. Unmarked.
    But if we look back—before modern shame, before rigid moral codes, before the policing of women’s bodies—we find something radically different.
    We find goddesses, and they were never pure.
    They were sensual, desiring, expressive, embodied. They loved deeply, often, and freely. Their sexuality was not a stain on their divinity—it was an extension of it. It was creative force. It was life itself.
    The ancient feminine was not revered for restraint. She was revered for power.
    She was the lover and the creator. The seductress and the destroyer. The one who felt everything and withheld nothing.
    She was whole.

    The Invention of “Purity”
    Purity, as we understand it today, is not an ancient truth. It is a social construct—one that emerged as systems of control over women’s bodies became more rigid.
    A woman’s sexuality became something to regulate.
    To contain.
    To measure.
    Her value became tied to what she had not done, rather than who she was.
    Virginity became currency. Modesty became morality. Desire became danger.
    And slowly, the narrative shifted:
    From “She is divine because she embodies life”
    To “She is worthy only if she remains untouched.”

    The Modern Contradiction.
    Today, women live inside a paradox.
    Their bodies are everywhere—advertised, stylized, filtered, sold. Sexuality is used to market everything from perfume to protein shakes. Entire industries are built on the consumption of the female form.
    And yet-
    The same woman who is desired can be diminished.
    The woman who expresses her sexuality openly can be judged.
    The woman who profits from her body can be dehumanized.
    She is told:
    Be desirable, but not experienced.
    Be sexy, but not sexual.
    Be wanted, but not wanting.
    And if she crosses that invisible line—if she owns her desire instead of performing it—her worth is questioned.

    The Goddess in the “Impure”
    What if we rejected this entirely?
    What if we remembered that a woman does not lose her divinity through experience?
    That her body is not something that can be “used up”?
    That desire does not diminish her—it animates her?
    A woman who has loved many times is not less sacred.
    A woman who has explored her sexuality is not less worthy.
    A woman working within the sex trade is not less human, less deserving of dignity, less divine.
    She is still a body that feels.
    A heart that knows.
    A soul that exists beyond the projections placed upon her.

    Reclaiming the Sacred Body
    To see yourself as a goddess is not about perfection, it’s about modern feminism.
    It is not about purity.
    It is about sovereignty.
    It is about returning to the truth that your body is yours—not a moral scoreboard, not a commodity for judgment, not a thing to be ranked or reduced.
    Your body is an instrument of experience.
    A vessel of sensation.
    A living expression of life force.
    And life force does not ask for permission to be worthy.

    Before shame was taught, pleasure was natural.
    Before bodies were controlled, they were celebrated.
    Before purity was demanded, women were simply… powerful.
    This is not about rejecting sexuality.
    It is about reclaiming it from systems that distort it.
    It is about seeing yourself—not through the lens of judgment—but through the ancient remembering:
    That the goddess was never untouched.
    She was alive.
    And that aliveness is your birthright.

    I am a life coach, relationship coach and registered traditional doctor.
    You can send me a WhatsApp to book a session with me.
    083 263 5569

  • Practical Steps To Make Your Wife Feel Seen.

    PRACTICAL STEPS TO MAKE YOUR WIFE FEEL SEEN.

    There has been a shift in mindset, when it comes to how a man should show up in a marriage or partnership.
    The old view was to work hard to provide money. But with women also working, the dynamic in a dual income home has shifted towards the quality of your interactions.
    The new view center’s around working hard to provide financially, but also to provide emotional safety and offer personal time and energy at home.


    A working man can show effort for his wife by focusing on proactive partnership, consistent communication, and intentional presence, rather than relying solely on financial provision. True effort involves alleviating her mental and physical load through shared household responsibilities, consistent emotional support, and small, daily acts of kindness that show she is a priority. Many women are living in survival mode, and their nervous system requires a soft place to emotionally relax.

    Proactive Shared Responsibility.
    Instead of “helping” as if the home is her responsibility, take ownership of chores.
    -Anticipate Needs: Tackle tasks without being asked, such as washing dishes, doing laundry, or taking out the trash, especially if you notice she is overwhelmed.
    -Manage the “Mental Load”: Take initiative on tasks like scheduling appointments, planning family events, or managing finances.
    -Cook or Handle Meals: Actively take over cooking or meal preparation to give her a break, and clean up after.
    -Daily Maintenance: Clean up after yourself immediately to prevent the buildup of clutter.

    Emotional Presence and Support
    -Show that you are her teammate in life, not just a visitor in the home.
    -Active Listening: Listen attentively without offering immediate solutions. Truly hear her worries and frustrations to help her feel heard and valued. If she has a meltdown try to be curious rather than defensive.

    -Decision making: Do not dominate your wife with your opinions, rather leave room for collaboration and hear her out. She has opinions and ideas too that need compromise.
    -Appreciation & Gratitude: Express appreciation daily for her efforts in the home, in her career, or as a mother. A simple “thank you” or “you are amazing” has profound effects.
    -Quality Connection: Create a screen-free “reunion” when you return home to reconnect properly. TV and phones block interpersonal communication.
    -Support Her Goals: Encourage her passions, hobbies, and career goals, making her personal growth a priority in your shared life. Do not talk down to her or criticise her goals and performance.
    -Respect her in public and private: Be mindful of showing respect and appreciation, especially in front of friends or family, which protects her dignity.

    Small, Consistent Gestures of Affection.
    -Small acts of care are more effective than sporadic grand gestures.
    -Thoughtful Notes/Texts: Send messages during the day just to say you are thinking of her.
    -Daily Touch: A warm hug, holding hands, or a passionate kiss upon returning home can diminish stress and increase your connection . Make sure you understand what her needs are in the bedroom, and then follow through.
    -Unprompted Kindness: Bring home her favorite treat, flowers, or a small gift “just because”. Introduce activities that strengthen your emotional bond and bring you closer together to make sexual intimacy pleasurable. Such as a slow dance in the kitchen or sharing a bath.

    Active Fatherhood
    -If you have children, being an active father is one of the highest forms of effort for your wife.
    -Share Childcare: Be proactive in feeding, bathing, and playing with children, allowing her to have time to rest.
    -Teach and Play: Engage with the children rather than leaving the responsibility of parenting entirely to her

    Scheduling Intentional Time
    -As a working man, you must fight to create space for your relationship.
    Romance should not stop when you live together. You could try the 777 rule, it’s a relationship-strengthening framework designed to ensure consistent, intentional time together. It suggests a date night every 7 days, a romantic overnight getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer vacation every 7 months. This structure fosters intimacy and prevents routine and stress from eroding the bond.

    Self-Care
    -Prioritize well-being: Maintain your own physical and mental health to be fully present and supportive in your relationship. A healthy partner makes for a better partner. Pay attention to your grooming, go to the gym and keep on top of your dentist and doctor appointments.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • Practical Steps To Make Your Husband Feel Seen.

    PRACTICAL STEPS TO MAKE YOUR HUSBAND FEEL SEEN

    For a working woman, the effort she makes for her husband in a modern marriage has shifted away from chores and servitude, to center more on partnership, empathy, and maintaining a nurturing connection. Rather than outdated notions of servitude, a dual-career household requires the focus to be on proactive communication, emotional support, and quality time over sheer physical labor.
    Here are the types of effort that strengthen a marriage when both spouses work:

    Nurturing the Emotional Connection
    -Active Listening & Empathy: Create a safe space for him to discuss his day without fear of judgment. Listen to understand his stresses rather than to immediately respond. But put a limit on it to not poison the whole evening with a kind gesture or distraction.
    -Show Appreciation and Validation: Regularly thank him and acknowledge his efforts to provide and care for the family, which boosts his confidence.
    -Be a Team Player: Approach life’s challenges together, ensuring you are aligned on goals and values, viewing a “win” for one as a win for the team.

    Proactive Communication and Support
    -Express Needs Clearly: Communicate your needs and desires directly instead of expecting him to guess, reducing misunderstandings.
    -Support His Goals: Champion his dreams and aspirations, offering encouragement when he feels demotivated.
    -Respect Him in Public: Be mindful of showing respect and appreciation, especially in front of friends or family, which protects his dignity.

    Fostering Intimacy and Togetherness.
    -Prioritize Quality Time: Dedicate time, such as a weekly date night, to connect and have fun together, keeping the romance alive.
    -Maintain Physical Intimacy: Understand and address the importance of intimacy in the relationship. This does not refer only to sexual intimacy, but to activities that strengthen your emotional bond and bring you closer together to make this possible.
    -Small Gestures of Love: Leave notes, surprise him with a favorite meal, or offer acts of service that show you are thinking of him.

    Efficient Household Partnership.
    -Shared Responsibilities: Work together to assign clear tasks for cooking, cleaning, and managing finances, rather than trying to do everything alone.
    -Flexibility During Tough Times: Offer grace and support, particularly when the other is having a difficult week.
    -Set Boundaries for Work: Agree on rules like “no business talk at dinner” to ensure your home remains a place of rest rather than an extension of the office.

    Self-Care.
    -Prioritize well-being: Work can be hectic, but make time to maintain your own physical and mental health. This will help you to be fully present and supportive, while feeling good within yourself. A healthy partner makes for a better partner, so make time for exercise and self-care.

    Ultimately, the best effort is one that fosters love, respect, and a “team-first” mentality, rather than merely balancing chores. The first step is simply to be kind to one another.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Menopause Mayhem- Volume 2: Homicidal Rage.

    MENOPAUSE MAYHEM VOLUME 2: HOMICIDAL RAGE

    Now everybody gets a little cross from time to time. Sometimes even for no reason, and that is a fine and human thing. But what happens when your oestrogen bottoms out, your progesterone is in decline and those well worn dopamine channels run dry?

    Aside from developing a dark sense of humour and dry wit, your people pleasing seems to wither away and is replaced with an undeniable urge to slap people!

    Rage during menopause is caused by fluctuating hormones (estrogen, progesterone, testosterone) impacting brain chemicals like serotonin, leading to mood instability. Combine this with physical symptoms like sleep loss, hot flashes, and stress, and your irritability is going to go through the roof. That shopping list that your partner keeps leaving in the kitchen is likely to get stapled to his forehead, whereas the old you would have sent a photo on WhatsApp or just gone to the shops yourself.

    Emotional sensitivity is increased too when these hormones wobble or bottom out completely, creating a difficult situational cycle for everyone to endure. Estrogen changes affect mood-regulating brain areas and neurotransmitters, while increased cortisol from stress further fuels anger, making everyday triggers feel overwhelming. And lets not even talk about what the damn cortisol is doing to your previously slim waistline…

    The Chemical Cascade explained.
    Estrogen and Serotonin: Declining estrogen levels disrupt serotonin, a “happy chemical” that regulates mood, leading to irritability and anger. This is why you are far more likely to tell people what you really think these days. No more sugar coating anything (because you probably are it all at midnight)
    Hormonal Rollercoaster: The fluctuating, rather than steady, decline of hormones makes mood swings unpredictable, similar to puberty. Things you used to brush off are suddenly wildly irritating. And although it’s great to hold people accountable for their misdeeds, murder is probably going a step too far!
    Cortisol & Stress: Menopause can heighten the stress response, increasing cortisol (the stress hormone), which amplifies irritability and emotional sensitivity, making it harder to cope.
    Neurotransmitter Imbalance: Reduced estrogen also lowers GABA, a calming neurotransmitter, which diminishes your ability to self-soothe.

    So what to do when your mood-regulating brain chemicals are fucking with your chi?
    Consult a Doctor who is well educated on menopause. Possibly a female for more knowledge and enpathy. Discuss hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or other treatments for severe symptoms.

    Find a menopause coach or wellness coach who can recommend natural supplements and holistic supplements to help you self-soothe. Explore how Dialectical Behaviour Therapy can help you, there’s even an app for this called Liven.

    Manage your stress by practicing mindfulness (living in the moment), try joining a yoga or meditation class. Exercise, put your bare feet on the ground and find creative outlets like pottery, painting or making sour dough to channel your emotions.

    And finally, optimize your lifestyle. Start by prioritizing sleep and staying hydrated. Your wellness coach can assist with a balanced diet that can also reduce cortisol levels (magnesium and B vitamins help). Swop out your coffee for cacao and sugar for honey. Find a calm space to retreat to when those murderous impulses rise, take a bubble bath and lock the door. (Yes please, it’s called boundaries)

    At the end of the day, menopause can be a real shit show. But it’s your shit show so try to implement some of these before you become one of those bad things that happen to good people.

    You’ve got this babe, just make a start and see how your life can change and grow through all of this.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • The Cracked Mirror

    THE CRACKED MIRROR
    In my business I get to meet so many amazing women.
    Beautiful women.
    Vivacious women.
    Accomplished women.
    Compassionate women.

    And yet…they do not see themselves the way I see them.
    I could edit the most gorgeous photograph of one, poetry in motion. And you know what she will see? Tummy rolls. Like we are programmed to zoom in on our flaws, and disregard the positives.

    Often women fail to see the bigger picture, and get stuck on their imperfections. And it is this habit that erodes our self esteem. We are trained to look for our flaws rather than focus on our strengths. We grow up deflecting compliments and staying humbled by the judgements of others.
    We internalise those judgements until our own inner critic is more brutal than anyone on the outside could ever be.

    I am no different, I even resorted to plastic surgery in my 20’s. Despite the fact that I had so many amazing things going for me, I zeroed in on that one perceived flaw. And what followed was a disastrous sequence of events that affected my self esteem, my finances, my relationship, even my a ability to work.

    What women do not realise is that they’re already the full package. And that the more we recognise our own gifts, the more gratitude and self appreciation will fill our lives and change it’s very course.

    If you believed in yourself, what bold and brave choices might you make?
    How would you make love if you felt beautiful?
    What romantic partner would you seek if you felt worthy?

    The way we see ourselves is what will shape our lives, and this applies to men as well, naturally. But the women…all tangled up in how society expects us to look, it’s a travesty and a tragedy. It’s an added layer of ‘I’m not good enough’ and it can poison your entire life. When I acknowledge the amount of self loathing that women live with, I wonder how they manage to get out of bed in the morning.

    So just for today, start a journal.
    Each morning write in it something you like about yourself.

    Put a post it note on your mirror-“You are beautiful”
    Let’s shift the narrative.
    Let’s change our mindsets.
    We are enough.

    And just for today, do something nice for yourself. A flower on your coffee tray, some bubbles in your bath. Because you are worthy.
    Start a pattern that will change your mindset day by day.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • Dealing With Grief & Loss

    DEALING WITH GRIEF & LOSS

    Death is a fact if life, and the death of a loved one is something we will all face many times in our lifetime. The only way to recover from loss effectively is to feel the feels, and these come in waves.
    There are some practical things you can do to cope with grief.
    *Remember to take care of yourself, and to allow your emotions to be expressed. *Seek support from a coach or therapist.
    *Make sure you get enough sleep, exercise, and good food .
    *Reach out to loved ones or try journaling.

    It’s ok to feel down, but make time for activities you enjoy. You’ll have to be patient with the process and recognise that grief is a personal journey.

    There are a few phases to grief, so when you recognise them, know this is part of your healing journey, and you will get through them if you allow yourself to feel.
    You might experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression in you way towards acceptance.

    Prioritize your physical health, taking care to have regular, healthy meals and get enough sleep. It’s natural to take some down time, but try to get back into your regular exercise routine as soon as you can. Even if you don’t feel like it, it will support your physical and mental health.
    Structure can provide a sense of stability so try to maintain routines for activities like eating meals, even if it’s difficult.

    Don’t hesitate to see your doctor for check-ups or discuss any new health concerns. Depression is a natural part of the grieving process, and can be even worse if your relationship was complicated. There are natural and pharmaceutical remedies available to you to help you during this time.

    Allow yourself to feel, understanding that grief is a unique and personal process, and it’s okay to experience a wide range of emotions.
    Find healthy ways to express your feelings, such as talking to friends, family, or a counselor. Some people find it helpful to express themselves through physical activity or creative outlets like writing or painting.

    Schedule time to focus on your grief, even if it’s just 20-30 minutes a day. Use this time to sit quietly, write a letter to the person, or look at photos.
    It is healthy to experience positive emotions like joy when remembering happy memories. Allowing yourself to smile or laugh is also a protective response.

    Lean on friends and family for support and company. Let them know when you want to talk about your loved one and accept their offers of help.

    If you are religious or spiritual, spending time with others in your faith community can provide comfort.
    Connecting with others who have experienced a similar loss can be therapeutic and help you feel less alone.

    Remember and honor your loved one. Find ways to commemorate them, such as creating a memory book, taking that trip you planned together, or engaging in an activity they loved.

    Be patient with yourself, accepting that healing takes time. There is no “normal” timetable for grieving, and it’s important to be patient with yourself throughout the process.

    Recognize the difference between grief and depression. If you are concerned about your mental health, it’s important to talk to a professional.

    Grief is a natural response to loss, while depression is a persistent mood disorder. You will notice that grief often comes in waves of intense sadness mixed with positive memories, whereas depression involves a constant, pervasive sadness. In grief, your self-esteem is usually preserved, but in depression, feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are common.

    Life can be hard, especially when you are dealing with a loss of any kind. This might be a death, a child moving away or a break up. Be kind to yourself and feel all your feels, this is how the healing happens.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted-element by element.”

  • The Crime Of Flying Solo.

    THE CRIME OF FLYING SOLO

    Let’s talk about being single…
    Recently a man responded to one of my posts , saying ‘no wonder you are single’, meant as an insult and a judgement. But sometimes your relationship is just cortisol wrapped in cologne, honey.

    Here are my thoughts:

    There is this idea that a woman only has value of she has been chosen by a man. That a single woman is somehow defective. That the only way a woman can command respect or stature in society is by being somebody’s wife. That a woman needs the back-up of a man in order to be heard, or be successful. But these are outdated patriarchal ideas that have become part of the fabric of our collective unconscious. And they are not correct.

    I do believe that we are wired to want connection. That human beings love the idea of being chosen. That we crave intimacy and physical touch, perhaps a over all else. We are social beings and biologically driven to search for sex. But sex is not intimacy. And when we start to discern this, we can re-imagine this biological blueprint.

    In this era, in this country a woman can earn her own money, drive her own car, and buy her own home. So why are we still clinging to the idea that we need to be in a romantic relationship? Don’t get me wrong, I love a romantic relationship as much as the next person, but the truth is that many of us are clinging to liaisons way beyond their sell by date. Habit? Convenience? Perhaps. But also because we have come to believe that being in a relationship is somehow superior to being single.


    However, if you have ever been single for a period of time, you might have discovered that being single is a powerful and self-affirming choice.
    Being single is a state of unapologetic independence.
    It’s the choice of self reliance, of friendship over romantic love.
    And let’s face it, romantic love isn’t always so romantic.
    Being single is choosing peace over conflict.
    Choosing happiness over mediocrity or hurt.
    It’s being happy with your own company, comfortable in your own space.
    To travel solo and meet new people outside of your comfort zone.
    Being single is choosing freedom, embracing our wildness and being open to new possibilities.
    Being single is a conscious choice to wait for the right time or right person.
    To not settle, or stay stuck.

    Most importantly, being single is choosing yourself, and this is not selfish. Calling back your energy is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. By doing this you are investing in yourself. Making time for your own projects and passions instead of investing in somebody else’s.

    Some of the most productive times in my life have been when I was single. Even when I chose to sit with my unhappiness… writing, journeying, contemplating. Choosing to sit with my trauma until I understood it and could set it free, without the band aid of throwing myself into another relationship..Trying to fix or help a partner rather than myself. This is where personal growth begins. This is the most important journey of your life time, the journey into self.

    I am not single but I am very happy when I am. This image is of me being single at Feel Festival in 2019, feeling ALL of the feels. ❤️

    If you struggle with being single, or are needing to remove yourself from a toxic relationship, let’s talk.
    Book a life coaching session with me online or in perso .

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Trial By Fire

    Model: Candice Storm, Tog Ken Lovell

    TRIAL BY FIRE

    We’ve all heard about the witch trials, and I often might make a careless comment about being burned at the stake in a previous lifetime. This is because I am a strong and independent woman, a leader in the field of women empowerment, and quite unapologetically myself. And it was women such as this who were villainized, punished and let’s be blunt…murdered by the patriarchy.

    Shocking, isn’t it?

    But fast forward to 2025, and have things really changed? Or have these sentiments just gone underground?

    It has been called the Witch Wound by some, and patriarchy certainly has a lot to make up for. Their legacy has become a sinister part of the unconscious masculine. An operating system that undermines women in a more covert manner, but threatens them all the same.

    So far in this lifetime I have been threatened thrice by fire;


    The first time it was a man who was living on my property and helping with some building work. He went on to steal my welding machine, my friends welding machine, and we later discovered he stole one from his previous employer as well. So naturally, when I couldn’t recover my welder I told him to leave and changed the locks. And he sent a message to us saying that he hopes I do not like my thatch roof, as it is very flammable. And that he had told his friends about me and how they were very angry. Also, he remarked that he loved me and that we could have been so good together. I sent him a copy of the police report and that was the last I heard of him.

    Then there was the unstable boyfriend. I asked him to leave and he threatened to burn my house down. At what point does mental instability become malice? When does insecurity become criminal? When does I didn’t mean it become inexcusable?

    And then there was the the great psychotic break, where he threatened to set me on fire. Flicking the lighter in front of my face while I refused to engage in the madness. Now I am no victim, and enough is enough, so I pulled him off me by his hair and held his face to the floor till he dropped the lighter. But that moment was truly scarring for me. The post traumatic stress felt debilitating at times, but it only made me more determined to be free to be me.

    The witch wound is a concept referring to the collective, intergenerational trauma passed down from the historical persecution of those accused of witchcraft, particularly during the “Burning Times”. It manifests as a deep-seated fear of expressing one’s authentic self, power, or intuition, leading to issues like self-doubt, silencing one’s voice, and fear of judgment. This inherited trauma can also contribute to the competitiveness among women and a fear of being “too much”.

    So how do we heal the witch wound as women?
    Recognize the source: Your fear and self doubts are not your own to carry, sister. They are not personal failings, but rather echoes of historical trauma.
    Reclaim your voice: Consciously choose to speak your truth and express your beliefs, even when it’s difficult.
    Embrace your power: Allow yourself to be seen and to trust your own inner wisdom and intuition.
    Break the cycle: Heal the wound within yourself to avoid passing the same fears and insecurities on to future generations.

    And as for healing the polar expression of this as a man? Ask yourself why do men feel entitled to control women?
    Why do you feel your actions are justified just because she doesn’t want to be with you anymore?
    Ask yourself if your mother or sister would deserve to date a man just like you?
    Ponder why are you so threatened by a strong feminine archetype?
    Look at how you can heal your past trauma so that you don’t project it onto the women around you.
    Afterall, it’s always been the men wielding the torches.

    All over the world women are burned, maimed and murdered while society looks the other way.
    Women are second class citizens and more at risk of violence from their own partners or admirerers than from complete strangers.

    So perhaps I am lucky to be alive, perhaps I wouldn’t have recieved these threats if I had learned to play small, but that is not the life I wish to live.
    And if being threatened by burning is the price I have to pay for my sovereignty, then why bother, boys?
    I set myself on fire most weekends anyway.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255