Candice Baker Life Coach

Tag: dating

  • When Mr. Right Becomes Mr. Wrong

    Image by Ken Lovell, Model Candice Storm

    WHEN MR. RIGHT BECOMES MR, WRONG

    There seems to be a lot of break-ups going around lately! And the year of the Snake is all about shedding, if you but into that kind of thing….
    But when it comes to relationships, how much time should we be investing in them?

    Who is Mr Right (or Mrs Right) actually?

    What does that even mean, if no relationship is perfect anyway?


    You meet somebody, fall head over heels and then a year later you’re wondering what you saw in them? You’re managing expectations like a boss and wondering why the sound of his flip flops suddenly irritates you. Or why the sound of him breathing is making you mental, when you seemed ok with it last year?


    Or you hit the 2 year mark and it’s a battlefield, one where you’re constantly having to put out fires. Hoping for a breakthrough instead of a break-up, while you have one eye on the hot young pool guy and 1 foot out of the door.

    When we move too fast into a sexual relationship we are flooded with oxytocin, the love hormone, which essentially blinds us to the red flags or circumstances we would normally be able to see. It’s nature’s little trick to ensure we procreate. But when these chemicals die down, we are left wondering if we turned those red flags into a red carpet?

    If we should stay or go?

    Persevere or cut and run?

    This is why the rebound relationship is so intense, wandering from the desert of your former relationship into a chemical oasis of passion, validation and the hottest sex you can remember .
    But in moving on too soon you are often simply looking for all the attributes your past partner didn’t have. A massive reaction to the past relationship. Rather than focusing on what you do want, you’re just looking for someone who embodies what you don’t want. The polar opposite of your ex is now the most attractive thing in the room, instead of someone who is actually suited to you.

    And the crunch?

    None of us are getting any younger! Perhaps you want to move to the seaside with a stable and significant partner, or maybe your biological clock is ticking?
    So here we are, switching relationships every 5 or 10 years, or indulging that 7 year itch, when perhaps we should be setting limits.

    Whether to leave a relationship or work harder on it is one of the hardest decisions you will ever make.

    If it’s not going anywhere after 1 year, perhaps we should move on? Set a time limit on how much of your life you are prepared to share in a doomed liaision.
    Or after a 2 year relationship that has declined into an exhausting loop of soul draining dysfunction, we should set a deadline.
    To walk away. To take back your energy.
    To re-evaluate our needs and priorities.
    To find somebody better suited for the right reasons, instead of a knee jerk relationship. Is it any wonder it didn’t work out, afterall?
    Not everybody is for everyone.
    And time is not promised to anyone.
    So stop treating your life like a rehearsal, start living as if it’s the main event. Because you deserve to get the most happiness out of this life as you can.

    Makes you think, doesn’t it?

    I am Candice Baker, a holistic Life Coach, Wellness Coach and Relationship Coach.

    Book a session with me on WhatsApp 0833613255

  • Is Casual Sex Really Casual?

    Image by Mark Greenslade, Model Candice Storm

    IS CASUAL SEX REALLY CASUAL?

    Look, I’m not telling you to stop having fun, or denying the power you might feel after seduction or the affirming qualities casual sex.
    Since the free love era of the 70s, casual sex has been dressed up as “freedom.”
    And I’m all for sexual expression and freedom. Afterall, it’s your body and woman fought hard for sexual emancipation.

    But I cannot help wonder if we lost something in this process. Something deep and primal and sacred.
    We have created a world where sex is free, men don’t have to chase women, and our bodies are just vehicles for empty pleasure.

    But perhaps you will find that you lose something each time you rock that casual encounter, your value to yourself. Sex has become performative, and this is partly due to the porn culture, but also due to our own desires to impress.

    You might find yourself feeling less, and putting up with more BS. Swopping crumbs of affection for real depth and presence.
    Confusing real intimacy for performance.

    You brush off that feeling of being ghosted the morning after, as a sign of independence. Afterall, you don’t need a man.

    The thing is, women and men are not wired the same. You might overthink a one-night stand for the rest of your life, while he won’t lose a second’s sleep over it. And chances are you’ll regret it once you realise he didn’t satisfy your soul, your need for connection. He didn’t even satisfy your body…how could he when he didn’t take the time to get to know you first?

    It’s time to stop giving your womb away to men who are not worthy of your creative source.
    That feeling of being wild and free was delicious, and it’s your body, you can do what you want. But how did it really feel in the afterglow? Were you fullfilled or perhaps a bit emptier than you were before the hook up?

    You see, women are not like men. You’ll bond emotionally with a man you barely know, if he does call, riding high on that oxytocin train. The chemicals tricking you into believing lust can become love.
    And here you are a year later, pair bonding with Mr. Wrong because those chemicals keep you from getting your head on straight.

    Perhaps the true rebellion these days is being the one who doesn’t give it away for free.

    Being the one who holds herself and her true partner to a higher standard. Going after what you want in the endgame, rather than what you want right now.
    Because it’s easy to get caught up in the dating game, feeling chosen when you were actually just using each other. Competing with all the other readily available women to be with an unworthy man. Better grab him quick, before he swipes left! Perhaps out of fear of rejection or of being alone.

    Sure it will be fun once or twice, you’ve proved you’ve still got it. And that can be a powerful and much needed thing after a divorce or break up.
    But how can this path lead to anything but self devaluation in the long term? It’s time to start looking inward for validation and love, before you out source these qualities to unworthy partners.

    And if he stays after that feisty fling?
    Here is the irony. He will always wonder if you’re a keeper, because you let him touch you too soon. The double standard still exists in the minds of men. You were easy to catch and now he is not sure of your value, or if you will be easily available to other men too. Even though that man was him. Cute, huh?

    So learn to love a man who is worthy of your many gifts. One who recognises them and will pursue you and earn your body.
    Somebody who will connect with you, heart to heart and soul to soul before your bodies merge. And then you will experience sex as a transformative and magical experience. The kind that uplifts you both, that transcends this earthly plane.

    Perhaps the biggest flex in todays society is to wait. Know your rarity and protect your soul, your spirit, your temple.
    It’s your life and you get to choose how you want to live it. So make it a good choice, first let him prove he can hold your heart, before you let him hold your hips.

    You can manifest the life you desire, and you can start today.

    I’m available for life coaching, relationship coaching & wellness coaching.

    You can book on WhatsApp 0833613255.

    #casualsex #lifecoach #fling #onenightstand