THE CRACKED MIRROR In my business I get to meet so many amazing women. Beautiful women. Vivacious women. Accomplished women. Compassionate women.
And yet…they do not see themselves the way I see them. I could edit the most gorgeous photograph of one, poetry in motion. And you know what she will see? Tummy rolls. Like we are programmed to zoom in on our flaws, and disregard the positives.
Often women fail to see the bigger picture, and get stuck on their imperfections. And it is this habit that erodes our self esteem. We are trained to look for our flaws rather than focus on our strengths. We grow up deflecting compliments and staying humbled by the judgements of others. We internalise those judgements until our own inner critic is more brutal than anyone on the outside could ever be.
I am no different, I even resorted to plastic surgery in my 20’s. Despite the fact that I had so many amazing things going for me, I zeroed in on that one perceived flaw. And what followed was a disastrous sequence of events that affected my self esteem, my finances, my relationship, even my a ability to work.
What women do not realise is that they’re already the full package. And that the more we recognise our own gifts, the more gratitude and self appreciation will fill our lives and change it’s very course.
If you believed in yourself, what bold and brave choices might you make? How would you make love if you felt beautiful? What romantic partner would you seek if you felt worthy?
The way we see ourselves is what will shape our lives, and this applies to men as well, naturally. But the women…all tangled up in how society expects us to look, it’s a travesty and a tragedy. It’s an added layer of ‘I’m not good enough’ and it can poison your entire life. When I acknowledge the amount of self loathing that women live with, I wonder how they manage to get out of bed in the morning.
So just for today, start a journal. Each morning write in it something you like about yourself.
Put a post it note on your mirror-“You are beautiful” Let’s shift the narrative. Let’s change our mindsets. We are enough.
And just for today, do something nice for yourself. A flower on your coffee tray, some bubbles in your bath. Because you are worthy. Start a pattern that will change your mindset day by day.
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
“Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”
Menopause Mayhem- Volume 1 For every woman experiencing the train wreck that is menopause, there is the realisation that the information around it does not flow freely. Yes, we all know about rage and mood swings, but there is so much more. I’ve been doing some research, and I’ll be sharing it to raise awareness, because I understand how it can feel like you’re going crazy and don’t know why!
Today’s issue: Sensory Overload Did you know that menopause can cause sensory issues? This can lead to heightened sensitivity (sensory overload) or altered sensations like skin prickling, taste/smell changes, and balance problems, largely due to fluctuating estrogen affecting brain chemistry (serotonin, dopamine) and nerve pathways, impacting how you perceive the world. These shifts can make you more sensitive to lights, sounds, textures, and smells, impacting daily coping.
Here are some common Menopause-Related Sensory Issues: Heightened Sensitivity (Overload): Your partner has verbal diarrhoea while you’re trying to watch a movie and it’s taking every ounce of self control not to stab him with your dinner fork. Normal stimuli (lights, noises, crowds, textures) can feel overwhelming, triggering panic or needing to escape.
Altered Skin Sensations: Are your feet on fire, without doing the fire walk your guru says will change your life? You might be experiencing formication (insects crawling), burning, itching, numbness, or tingling (paresthesias).
Taste & Smell Changes: You used to love mincemeat and now you can’t even cook it without gagging like an adult film star. Fluctuations in estrogen can alter your sense of smell and taste, or cause a burning mouth sensation (burning mouth syndrome).
Balance & Coordination: You tried to catch the cat, went flying out of your bedroom door and impaled your boob on the garden gnome. Changes in the cerebellum, affected by hormones, can lead to dizziness, vertigo, clumsiness, and spatial disorientation.
Touch Sensitivity: Your forehead is flaking like an old paint job and you have to sit on your hands to stop clawing at your face. Skin can become drier and more sensitive, or conversely, responsiveness to touch (even intimate) might decrease.
Why It Happens: -Estrogen Decline: Estrogen influences neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, crucial for mood, cognition, and sensory processing. Lower levels disrupt these pathways, lowering your sensory threshold. -Nervous System Impact: Hormonal shifts affect nerve function, potentially increasing pain perception and disrupting sensory input.
If you have read this and some of these issues have resonated with you, there are some things you can do. Now that you know you’re not going crazy, give some thought to how you can adapt to this new and confusing version of you. Recognising these changes are hormonal, not you being “difficult,”is the first step. Try adjusting your environment (dim lights, quiet spaces) to feel more comfortable.
Seek support from a doctor or therapist, or life coach like me. A menopause coach perhaps, it’s important to speak with somebody who has knowledge of menopause and its symptoms. Women have been gaslit by the medical community for far too long. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help manage overwhelming feelings, and is such a great life skill to learn in general.
Start managing underlying factors like getting a hormone test and putting in place a plan to correct them holistically or with HRT. Address stress, sleep, and overall health, as these can worsen sensory issues. Once you’ve realised you’re not the problem and your hormones are betraying you, you can approach these challenges with more insight and patience, and make some key changes to suit this latest version of you. After all, sometimes a little rage is a valid and necessary thing. People pleasing is so last decade. Anyway, this is me signing off because my socks are driving me nuts…
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
“Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”
Does this picture mean I’m a dominatrix? Or a model? Or a paid performer? Or a slut? A free spirit?
In truth I’m a mother, a life coach, a wife, a writer, a model, an aerialist, a performer, a fire dancer, a yogi. If you zero in on one photo, and the idea it gives you, you’re going to miss out on a lot. Your thoughts are not equal to reality. In fact, making snap judgements is probably going to make you look a little idiotic.
There is so much judgement out there. And people love to fan the flames.
My invitation to you is this: do not judge others just because you don’t understand them. They are on their own journey, as are you. And your perception is coloured by your own truth, history and bias. It’s easy to misunderstand others from your tiny corner of the earth.
Leave each to their own, peeps. Stay in your lane. You have choices, where you go, who you follow. Find your tribe. Keep scrolling. Be curious. Open a dialogue. Avoid your triggers. Work on yourself. Or just keep walking.
Each of you will have a different idea based on your own filter, but your truth is not the ultimate truth. Neither are your emotions.
Namaste bitches ❤️
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
You’ve all seen her, or perhaps been her. The woman in the red dress, full red lips, hot red heels.
It’s so strange how colour can be associated with implied behaviour. Or a certain style of clothing. And that is because as human beings we take mental short cuts. It’s too much trouble to relate to every woman on an individual level, so our brains take a mental short cut and stereotype people. So the woman dressed in red becomes the Scarlet Woman. The easy woman, the prostitute. Or the one dressed in leather, or the one in that mini skirt. The man in the pink shirt must be gay. You know what I mean.
But here’s the truth. Certainly some women are wearing that red dress (or whatever) for attention. But many are not. Some are wearing it because it feels good to wear it. Because red is their colour, or because she feels the lines flatter her body. For many woman, dressing in red (or leather, or whatever) is not about you at all. It’s not about men at all. It’s about her reclaiming the right to feel good, or wild, or sassy in her own body. It does not make her available. Or if she’s married, it does not mean she is looking for somebody better. It means she is looking to better herself. (Or if she is married and looking for somebody better, caging her won’t change that)
There are many reasons a woman might dress in an alluring manner. And most of them have little to do with anybody else.
*She might be recaliming her sensuality. There are many times in a woman’s life where she might have lost herself along the way. Pregnancy. Motherhood. Your infidelity. Phases where she has not had the time or energy to take care of herself. And phases where she has felt an awakening of herself before all the responsibility robbed her of her time or will to feel beautiful.
* She might have let herself go physically. Bodies come and go, there are periods of self- indulgence, or emotional eating followed by periods of getting her shit together at the gym. And the feeling of accomplishment deserves a celebration.
*Mentally, periods of grief or loss might shift her focus away from her own health for a time. Depression can really suck everything beautiful out of your life, including your self esteem. And to rise from that and wear something that makes flher feel beautiful is to reclaim her true essence before the trauma ripped it to pieces.
*Emotionally, she might have been struggling to get out of bed for so long that she forget how to put on her lipstick. Where the tears made her give up on wearing mascara. Times when she forgot how doing her hair and wearing something sassy could be good for her soul.
*Perhaps she had a partner who tried to keep her small, who told her to fly under the radar or risk being left alone. A toxic relationship or an abusive marriage. And perhaps she began to see that a partner who tries to keep her small does not really have her best interests at heart. Only his own.
A woman in a red dress (or whatever) does not mean she is searching for something outside of her marriage. Perhaps she is reconnecting with something inside of herself that she lost along the way. Perhaps she decided to ‘fake it till she makes it’ back to her former self. The one with confidence and a twinkle in her eye.
A woman in a red dress (or whatever) does not mean she is ‘searching’ or ‘selling’. She is a woman who is embodying her inner goddess. One who is expressing herself without fear. One who is growing, rising within her own potential. And this has nothing to do with you, your husband, or even her own partner if she has one. Most of the time, it has everything to do with her rebirth.
And if it is your partner in scarlet, give her the support she needs to grow and shine. As this is also a reflection of your love and light. Nobody wants to live in a cage. Everybody has the need to find their way back to themselves. To express themselves. Nobody does well in captivity. Your partner is far more likely to run away if you continue to cage her, than if you accept that all people deserve to be free. As a man, providing a safe space for her to grow in her power and personal expression is an embodiment of your divine masculine.
There can be a lot of fear caused by underlying insecurity, which will surface when a woman starts looking after herself, and wearing that sexy dress. That is your projection of your own insecurities onto her, and not a prediction of her behaviour. Policing her wardrobe is not what will keep her faithful to you, and allowing her freedom in what she wears will not be the cause of her running off with somebody new. And if she does, it has nothing to do with her outfits and everything to do with the state of your relationship. Likewise, slut shaming a sexy lady is not going to stop your husband from lusting after her. Only he can do that. Women don’t need another cage. And if that baggy T-shirt is the only thing holding your relationship together, there are bigger problems to solve than what is in her draw.
A man who understands she is not running away from him, but running towards herself, is a man who understands how to attract his mate, rather than trap her. And in this freedom of choice that you provide lies the power. For everyone. Let her choose you. And in turn, she allows you to choose her, in true freedom.
There is no other way.
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
We called it drumming, healing, celebrating and creating ❤️
Drumming has many medicinal qualities, just not for the neighbours, apparently 🤣
It releases dopamine, one of the happy hormones in your body. It’s a better anti-depressant than anything you can buy over the counter. It synchronises heartbeats and minds, creates a sense of community. The drumming and dance is a creative process and good for the soul. It releases endorphins, another happy hormone. Creating music and dance stimulates the body and mind. Earthing with your feet absorbs the energies of the Earth and has many health benefits. And finally, both drumming and dance can lead to ecstatic states that transcend the human condition ❤️
It’s what your neighbours used to do before they became couch potatoes. It’s what your tribe did before the warehouses and factories sucked them into the industrial revolution. It’s a reclamation of our ancestral roots.
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
Why do I teach pole, burlesque, the sensual arts? I don’t usually post pole dance on my life coaching page, but here is why;
It makes you strong, oh yes. But more importantly it creates a sisterhood. A safe space of non-judgement amongst women, which can be truly rare. A space of non-judgement towards yourself, even more rare.
That pole can be the most beautiful partner. One who is always there to dance with you. Holding you up, teaching you to appreciate your curves. Because pole dance or burlesque is not about men. We aren’t waiting for men to define beauty, we are defining it together, for ourselves.
It’s about women reclaiming their bodies, realising their fat rolls or stretch marks are testament to a unique life in perpetual motion, and part of the whole woman. Still sexy. Still beautiful. The story behind a life well lived. The story behind grief, despair, triumph, reclamation. Sovereignty.
You don’t have to be 20 and slim to love your body (but if you’re there I hope you do). You just need to let yourself feel the motion of your hips, lose yourself in the swing of the music, close your eyes and appreciate the jiggle. Say yes to yourself, to your body, to your sensuality.
Dancing in ecstacy has no age limit, no waist size, It’s an invitation to let yourself go. To look inwards and feel your womb, feel your power, feel your vulnerability. Feel it all. . The shift you need isn’t about toning your body. It’s about learning how to express ecstasy and love in the body that you showed up in today. The body that carried your children or survived your last relationship disaster. Her. She.
It’s about choosing you, seeing you, embracing the hot mess and finding beauty in the chaos of your imperfect perfection. It’s about embracing you.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
We live in a society that is becoming more permissive with each passing year. Sex and violence on TV, each MTV video trying to out-do the last one. Women gyrating and tequila flowing.
Should we try to censor these sexual things? These substances ? In certain spaces absolutely. In adult spaces, less. And in specially designed spaces perhaps not at all. Driving something underground does not make it go away, it makes it unregulated…dangerous.
But what I’m seeing is this dialogue about women inciting lust. That the responsibility of a man’s behaviour lies with the female. But woman’s bodies have long been the centre of lust; a woman can wear a burka and still be the object of a man’s fantasy. She could be wearing a stained flannel nightie and still be forced to do sexual things unwillingly. A baby can be wearing a nappy and still be the object of desire to a certain kind of man. A child on the playground, hanging upside down on the jungle gym can fall prey too. Similarly a woman who is drunk or high might become the target of a certain type of man. Or a performer on a stage, or sexily dressed females at a club, or a woman simply walking down the road. But in all of these situations, lust is in the eye (and heart) of the beholder. The man gets to choose how he responds to these stimuli.
Some men will gaze at a child with innocent joy, others might love them ‘too much’ an unnatural twisting of the urge for intimacy. Nobody ever raped a baby because it was wearing sexy shoes. Something else was going on in the minds of these men.
A performer on a stage, or a girl in a sassy outfit is not asking for sex any more than that child is. Men are not animals. We need to stop treating them as such. They have a frontal lobe, they are capable of logical thought and decision making. We need to stop making them out to be illogical beasts burdened with testosterone and desire. Right, guys?
But some men are predators. If a woman is heartbroken, or drunk, she becomes fair game. If she is provocatively dressed, she is keen. And if not she can be rufied. Some men seem to like their women unconscious. This is criminal behaviour and not the responsibility of the woman or child.
A woman who is under the influence is in danger of being taken advantage of. A man under the influence is not. Will he protect her or become part of the problem?
My point is this: men are capable of self control, and women (or children) should not need to live in fear of them losing this control. Men need to re-think the entitlement they feel towards women’s bodies. There are spaces where women can dress in skimpy clothing, like the beach, the stage or a festival, and it does not mean they are inciting lust. It does not mean they are looking for sex. It does not mean they are dressing to impress any man. It’s not about him at all. It’s about her enjoying her body, expressing herself and feeling beautiful. And if he is really desperate, he can switch on that adult channel. There are appropriate places he can go to relieve himself. Spaces that are regulated and safe for the men and the consenting women involved.
We need to stop blaming the victim. We need to stop blaming other women for inciting lust. We need to start working on why some men feel entitled to take what is not theirs, what is not freely given. And if you’re not sure if it’s been freely given, zip up big boy. If she is crying, grieving, sleeping or under the influence, go and whack that pointy thing on the door frame, dude. Safety and intimacy are different to sex. If she is slow dancing with you, or crying in your shoulder, that is not consent, it’s vulnerability. Be a good guy.
Women do not incite lust, and most men can appreciate a woman while still keeping it in their pants. If you’re not one of them, you need to re-think the your ideas about women and their bodies. And if you’re a woman who believes a victim is responsible for the crime, you need to examine your thoughts too.
We live in a society where women need to be protected from men, and that is a huge problem. Men are not animals. But if they choose to behave like one, the consequences should be harsh. Self control and rational thought are what make us human, and humanity has a long way to go.
So stop the slut shaming and start asking why women are being policed and blamed for crimes committed by predators. Our bodies are sovereign, and women alone have the rights to them.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
So we made it through the witch trials, women of power and healing burned at the stake. Naturopaths, herbalists, midwives, all a threat to the patriarchy and all sentenced to death. Women collaborating against women, pointing fingers away from themselves in fear. Too much water in the well, must be a witch. Not enough crop growth, must be a witch. The theme of too little or too much playing out through the centuries. Wise women persecuted by men, wild women persecuted by women. The only path to safety embodied in the mundane. Women learned that there is shelter in mediocrity.
But has it really changed? Or are the underlying thought patterns of control and fear still there? Women are still being policed, their wings still clipped, their power still stolen from them. And it starts at school. If you were around in the eighties, you would remember the school panty inspection. Oh yes, the panty police was a thing. We had to lift up our skirts to check whether we were wearing the regulation school brookie. Apart from the gross privacy violation, there was this idea that boys could not control themselves, so the girls had to be strictly controlled instead.And this idea persists today.
Not much has changed in this new century. Enter the year 2015 and girls get picked out in front of the whole class for wearing black bras. Aside from the fact that black actually shows through less than white, she must be some kind of scarlet woman to be wearing such a colour under her clothing. And to discuss the colour of her underwear in front of an entire class of boys, to embarass her and violate her rights in such a public way is inexcusable. Women victimizing girls.
Women’s bodies have always fallen under the control of others. Owned by the patriarchy and not themselves. Wrinkled old men deciding on women’s rights to this day in first world countries. Persecution by the gusset Gestapo should your stocking be showing. Women not allowed into temples. Women banned from holy places when they are bleeding and considered unclean. It seems even periods are policed. The vilification of the yoni has continued through the centuries, because to acknowledge the opposite would be to acknowledge the power of women.
As a dance instructor I have recieved so many comments about outfits that show too much, yet every private part is covered. Do a split in a tutu and you are a graceful and gifted ballerina. Do a split on the pole in hot pants and everybody loses their minds. Asking a dancer to cover up is like asking Chad le Clos to swim in baggies, it cannot be done. It shouldn’t be done. It restricts movement in impossible ways, and ruins the aeathetic. Oh how society loves to brand a woman in scarlet, for nothing more than what could be implied in their minds. Because it was what was in your mind that was inciting lust, while everyone else was appreciating her beautiful long legged splits.
Perform in a magnificent set of fire wings, with fire fans, in an outfit layered white hotpants, white miniskirt, long white lace skirt surrounded by 20 flames. A stunt requiring courage, experience and risk management. But there is always one who will be horrified that the dancers were showing their vaginas to the crowd. The one with the x-ray vision, who could see their lady parts through 3 layers of clothing, in the dark. My what a rich and vivid imagination she must have. A vision so sharp that she could not see the fire, not appreciate the show, not zoom out or away from that place between their thighs. I suspect another 3 layers would have made little difference to such a piercing and judgemental gaze.
So there the dancer is, performing magnificent stunts with her body requiring years of blood /sweat/tears, all her efforts reduced to flashing her imagined genitalia. A total denigration of talent into filth by a tormented psyche. Are your glasses tinted by roses or filth? A vagina lurking under every rock ready to pounce. A fear, bred into women over the centuries. A threat wielded by the patriarchy to keep the feminine form covered.
2000 years later and the woman will still be burned at the stake. Acid thrown on her face for rejecting a male suitor. Forced to marry her rapist to restore her honour. Child brides for paedophiles.
Surely we have more important things to worry about than the implied shape of a woman’s body? Surely in this era women deserve the same freedom as their male counterparts? We may joke about a Speedo, or a mankind, but is it vilified? Nope. Whilst the shadow of a yoni or a breast is shamed in public but praised in private. Bought, sold, stolen. But never to be given for free without shame.
Perhaps our focus should be on creating a safe space for freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom of choice. Freedom from policing the bodies of women.
Women reclaiming their power, their creative force, the sacredness of their inner temple. Their yoni, the spark of life, the sacred feminine within. Women supporting women and men creating safety. Remembering the goddess within, holding ourselves in high regard, and not shrinking into shame. Because our bodies are not shameful, they are worthy of respect and admiration.
No, the yoni is not the divine feminine, the goddess is, and she lives within each of us. Within our yoni, within our womb, within our hearts, our minds, our souls. And she demands respect.
Let’s bleed out the poison and grow a community of respect and sovereignty, not fear, together.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
I read a post this morning about ageing, and all the traditional ideas women have swallowed for years about it.
Historically, women are made to feel irrelevant as they age. Men get ‘sexy’. They get gray hair, they’re the silver foxes. We’re just…OLD. The crones, our time is up. We’re done with our baby making years, our primary purpose for being. And when we’re done with that at 40, there’s nothing left for us.
But the women I know are only just starting to live! We’re reclaiming this as our enchantress phase, and connecting to our wild woman. Were finally free from rearing our families and getting our groove back. Women don’t want to talk about being a midlifer because that means there’s no place for them. They’re not wanted. So, it’s about us women reclaiming that narrative, and changing the way we’re seen throughout the entirety of our life. It was never about our looks, it was only made to seem that way. Whatever your age, claim your magic and grow into your path. It is a privilege to age, to have wisdom and experience makes us valuable. So be an icon for younger women.
Women are aging beautifully because they are taking care of themselves. I know many older women who are in their prime and styling life. Many men on the other hand are not! Fat bellies, bald heads and “old mentality.” They are quick to critisize but slow to look at themselves in the mirror. Older women are embracing their sexuality, free from the constraints of fertility. Sometimes, it’s the older men who are no longer sexually appealing. But no one ever noticed, because men are not judged by their looks to the same extent. They have been chasing around younger women to tap into our fountain of youth. But today’s women… we are noticing and some are looking for younger companions too. The tables have been reversing.
Things are no longer what they were, and women are rising. So take the focus off how you look and poor your female energies into creating something beautiful. Pick a project today, it could be something within yourself, or to uplift something outside of yourself. You have the power of creation at your fingertips and it’s time to birth something new.
My name is Candice Baker-The Mermaid Life Coach I am a life coach and relationship coach, a traditional doctor and I can support you holistically on your journey. WhatsApp inquires 0833613255
NEVER SHOW A MAN YOUR BOOBS & YOUR BRAIN AT THE SAME TIME!
Unless you want him to bust out in a sweat, springs and cogs bursting out of his ears, that is! Society has created a lot of broken toys. But this isn’t just about men. I have a lot of experience in this area, life-long experience, and it’s been showing up a lot in the reactions I get to my writing. It’s called cognitive dissonance, and it makes people feel quite uncomfortable. Let me explain: Cognitive dissonance is when you expect to feel one way about something, but find yourself feeling something different. This is partly because we use stereotypes to take mental shortcuts, it’s easier than assessing each person or situation from scratch.
So when you meet a pretty blonde, you might be really amazed that she loves to mountain climb (if you bothered to ask). Or when you meet a tattooed biker, it might confuse you that he loves to cook. Models? Naturally stupid of course! But here’s the thing, that woman on your Facebook in her tiny bikini on the pole might actually be a doctor, just enjoying the freedom and body positivity of pole fitness. (While your mind went straight to stripper)
So when we meet people we tend to put them in a box, especially women. We make a lot of assumptions based on their clothing, their face, their body or how they show up in our social media feed. And we expect them to behave according to the labels we assigned to them.
But here’s the thing…Just because she is in touch with her body or her sensuality, does not mean she is issuing invitations. And this is where the confusion, or cognitive dissonance can get ugly. The slut won’t chat to you in her DMs, so you send her a rude message after your first sleazy attempts fail. (Hey, WUD?….Hey, nice pussy…. Honey I think I love you…FU bitch, nobody wants you anyway). Except maybe she isn’t what you perceived her to be, and you’re the problem? I have lived some of these. Hell, I have put out an ad for yoga instructor training and gotten a dick pic in reply to the advert, even where there was no sexy photo!
So why does this keep happening? You get 3 types of people, in my experience.
Those who embrace the surprising truth. They think it’s cool that you can have a degree and be a model.
Those who will ignore anything that doesn’t fit their framework. (The one they put you in without letting you know about it.) These people will scroll past faster than you can spin the wheel of fortune.
And then lastly you get those who will have a reaction. They might get curious, and pick up the phone or send you a message wanting to know more about what you do. And when this happens everybody learns something. You learn how you are perceived by others, they will need to get that lecture off their chest. And then if you’re not too offended to carry on with the conversation they will learn how their judgements were out of place.*
*But then there’s the other side of that coin, the knee jerk reaction. Sometimes it seems like nothing enrages a man more than a sexy photo paired with a well written article about relationships or women’s wellness. Or a woman who loves that you are a mermaid but is completely shocked when you grow legs and climb a pole (I didn’t sign up for this. I’m unfollowing you.) The cognitive dissonance can be immense and extremely upsetting for some people. Men, particularly the ones who ‘know’ what roles a woman should play in society, will start to lash out if you don’t conform to certain roles. Madonna, maiden, mother, whore, crone…you know the stereotypes I’m speaking of. To step out of these boundaries placed on women by the patriarchy can be anathema to these guys. The burlesque dancer with a PhD. The model with the import business. The pretty blonde with her own mansion on the hill. Self-made women, outspoken women, independent women who somehow are expected to look and act like men because of their many talents and skills. Or quite simply the older woman who is still sexy and vibrant instead of knowing her place as expired milk, because ageing is a sin on social media. (I have received this particular insult, somebody didn’t get enough breast feeding I suspect).
We all know we cannot please everyone, and some of us will still try. But ladies, you are more than your boob job! Your body does not define you. Neither does your face, it’s merely a trick of nature. So wear the outfit, even if it does raise eyebrows. Dye your hair, take the course, book the solo plane ticket. Because only you get to decide how you are going to live your life. Don’t try to live it for other people, most are unsatisfiable. Express yourself and be authentically you, because the world needs to hear your message. And other women need to see women living their lives unapologetically and free. Become the wild woman that you were intended to be, and your tribe will find you.
This is your solemn duty to the evolution of womankind. And as for your dude, find one who supports this personal growth, not one who keeps you in that damn box. Find friends who cheer for you, support you and show up for you. There is a reason that woman’s gatherings have been banned throughout the centuries, and it is this. These women will be your tribe, and together you will rise.
I am a traditional doctor, life coach & wellness coach. You can book an appointment on WhatsApp 0833613255
Candice Baker Life Coach 