Candice Baker Life Coach

Tag: Life coach

  • Dealing With Grief & Loss

    DEALING WITH GRIEF & LOSS

    Death is a fact if life, and the death of a loved one is something we will all face many times in our lifetime. The only way to recover from loss effectively is to feel the feels, and these come in waves.
    There are some practical things you can do to cope with grief.
    *Remember to take care of yourself, and to allow your emotions to be expressed. *Seek support from a coach or therapist.
    *Make sure you get enough sleep, exercise, and good food .
    *Reach out to loved ones or try journaling.

    It’s ok to feel down, but make time for activities you enjoy. You’ll have to be patient with the process and recognise that grief is a personal journey.

    There are a few phases to grief, so when you recognise them, know this is part of your healing journey, and you will get through them if you allow yourself to feel.
    You might experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression in you way towards acceptance.

    Prioritize your physical health, taking care to have regular, healthy meals and get enough sleep. It’s natural to take some down time, but try to get back into your regular exercise routine as soon as you can. Even if you don’t feel like it, it will support your physical and mental health.
    Structure can provide a sense of stability so try to maintain routines for activities like eating meals, even if it’s difficult.

    Don’t hesitate to see your doctor for check-ups or discuss any new health concerns. Depression is a natural part of the grieving process, and can be even worse if your relationship was complicated. There are natural and pharmaceutical remedies available to you to help you during this time.

    Allow yourself to feel, understanding that grief is a unique and personal process, and it’s okay to experience a wide range of emotions.
    Find healthy ways to express your feelings, such as talking to friends, family, or a counselor. Some people find it helpful to express themselves through physical activity or creative outlets like writing or painting.

    Schedule time to focus on your grief, even if it’s just 20-30 minutes a day. Use this time to sit quietly, write a letter to the person, or look at photos.
    It is healthy to experience positive emotions like joy when remembering happy memories. Allowing yourself to smile or laugh is also a protective response.

    Lean on friends and family for support and company. Let them know when you want to talk about your loved one and accept their offers of help.

    If you are religious or spiritual, spending time with others in your faith community can provide comfort.
    Connecting with others who have experienced a similar loss can be therapeutic and help you feel less alone.

    Remember and honor your loved one. Find ways to commemorate them, such as creating a memory book, taking that trip you planned together, or engaging in an activity they loved.

    Be patient with yourself, accepting that healing takes time. There is no “normal” timetable for grieving, and it’s important to be patient with yourself throughout the process.

    Recognize the difference between grief and depression. If you are concerned about your mental health, it’s important to talk to a professional.

    Grief is a natural response to loss, while depression is a persistent mood disorder. You will notice that grief often comes in waves of intense sadness mixed with positive memories, whereas depression involves a constant, pervasive sadness. In grief, your self-esteem is usually preserved, but in depression, feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are common.

    Life can be hard, especially when you are dealing with a loss of any kind. This might be a death, a child moving away or a break up. Be kind to yourself and feel all your feels, this is how the healing happens.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted-element by element.”

  • When The Tide Turns: Rising Against the Waves of Gender-Based Violence.

    Model: Mermaid Storm, Tog: Uwe Jacobs

    WHEN THE TIDE TURNS: RISING AGAINST THE WAVES OF GENDER BASED VIOLENCE.

    There has been a lot of sharing lately, with the Woman For Change protest making it onto the G20 agenda. Around the world, women are fighting for their lives. In South Africa this is especially true. There has been a rise in gender based violence and femicide in South Africa this past year, and WFC are campaigning to have this declared a national disaster.

    Women have been encouraged to share their experiences of GBV, not for sympathy but to create awareness of what it means to be a woman who is more likely to be killed by her partner than by a complete stranger. A partner who probably considers himself to be a nice guy, and not a criminal…

    Some men don’t understand how women are always looking over their shoulders as they walk to the shop. Always scanning the room for threats. How they profile each man they encounter before going on a date. Picking the safest restaurant, not disclosing their address, wired for fight or flight. It must be cool to be the apex predator, afraid of no one, except maybe another man. But some men do not wield that power to serve and protect. Some men use their power to take what is not theirs. Men you know at work. Men sitting at your dinner table.

    I have had a few frightening experiences with men. I don’t believe I know any woman who hasn’t. Some of these things I have not thought about in years. But now we are being called to share.

    For me, this is how it looked from a very young age.
    There were times where kissing nearly turned into unwanted, coercive s3x in high school, and times where I have felt immense pressure as an adult too. I consider myself lucky that my NO was accepted, if not all that gracefully.

    I have had hands around my throat, only 16 years old, and being thrown to the ground. This was the price I paid because I requested a song from the DJ. I have been shoved in a night club for wanting to dance with my friends instead of some guy.

    I have been threatened with violence by men who couldn’t bend me to their will.
    To burn my house down.
    To set me on fire.
    To report me (for my daughter’s weed trees) to the police.
    To have me thrown in jail as revenge for not capitulating.
    I have been shoved across the bed when he couldn’t climax. Been held hostage when I wanted to leave.
    There is this mindset amongst some men, that they are entitled to their way, no matter what the price to be paid.

    So I share these experiences not for sympathy, but for awareness.

    But by far the worst abuse I have received is emotional. For me, this seems to last much longer. But I guess that’s only because nobody ever followed through with the ‘Till-Death-Do-Us-Part’ experience. However, I have gained full access to the Post Traumatic Stress experience, which sat within my nervous system far longer than the threat of violence ever did.

    Some words cannot be unheard. They are spells that haunt you even if you know in your heart they are not true. The body shaming. The put downs about my intellect, my business, my children, my dog. (I’m truly grateful she is deaf 🤣)
    Words piled on the fire to explode like shrapnel into soft flesh. Missiles fired at the ones you’re supposed to love. The mindset: maybe if I make her small enough she will love me again.

    In truth, my experience of physical violence has created much fear in the moment, and faded in time. But I consider myself lucky that it has not been worse. And that in itself is pretty fucked up.

    So before you knee jerk your way into looking like a complete narcisist, please don’t comment on this post about how #not-all-men are like this. Women already know this.
    But some men are like this, and this post is about my lived experiences with them. So if this post triggers you, ask yourself if you are really against women fighting to be safe in the streets, even safe in their homes? Is your ego so fragile that you would derail a movement like this to protect yourself because women are talking about GBV and you just happen to be a man? Are you standing with women, or upholding the ‘Bro Code’ no matter what? You do not have to be a feminist to understand that women do not want to be beaten, raped, threatened or murdered. If you cannot stand with women on this, are you at least not standing in their way?

    And to all the women out there who are surviving rape, attempted murder or constant emotional assault, I encourage you to share your story, but above all be safe. Let’s create awareness, these are not isolated incidents and women are fighting for their lives out there.

    There are songs beneath the waves, songs of gender based violence. Don’t let your voice be drowned out by the sounds of this rising storm. Rise above it, stand firm and take a sister by the hand. Together we rise.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • How Do You Like Me Now?

    Model Candice Storm, Tog Tanya Borchers

    HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?

    Does this picture mean I’m a dominatrix?
    Or a model?
    Or a paid performer?
    Or a slut?
    A free spirit?

    In truth I’m a mother, a life coach, a wife, a writer, a model, an aerialist, a performer, a fire dancer, a yogi. If you zero in on one photo, and the idea it gives you, you’re going to miss out on a lot. Your thoughts are not equal to reality. In fact, making snap judgements is probably going to make you look a little idiotic.

    There is so much judgement out there. And people love to fan the flames.

    My invitation to you is this: do not judge others just because you don’t understand them. They are on their own journey, as are you.
    And your perception is coloured by your own truth, history and bias.
    It’s easy to misunderstand others from your tiny corner of the earth.

    Leave each to their own, peeps. Stay in your lane.
    You have choices, where you go, who you follow.
    Find your tribe.
    Keep scrolling.
    Be curious.
    Open a dialogue.
    Avoid your triggers.
    Work on yourself.
    Or just keep walking.

    Each of you will have a different idea based on your own filter, but your truth is not the ultimate truth. Neither are your emotions.

    Namaste bitches ❤️

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • The Scarlet Woman

    Model Candice Storm, Tog Tanya Borchers

    THE SCARLET WOMAN

    You’ve all seen her, or perhaps been her. The woman in the red dress, full red lips, hot red heels.

    It’s so strange how colour can be associated with implied behaviour. Or a certain style of clothing. And that is because as human beings we take mental short cuts. It’s too much trouble to relate to every woman on an individual level, so our brains take a mental short cut and stereotype people. So the woman dressed in red becomes the Scarlet Woman. The easy woman, the prostitute. Or the one dressed in leather, or the one in that mini skirt. The man in the pink shirt must be gay. You know what I mean.

    But here’s the truth. Certainly some women are wearing that red dress (or whatever) for attention. But many are not.
    Some are wearing it because it feels good to wear it. Because red is their colour, or because she feels the lines flatter her body.
    For many woman, dressing in red (or leather, or whatever) is not about you at all. It’s not about men at all.
    It’s about her reclaiming the right to feel good, or wild, or sassy in her own body. It does not make her available. Or if she’s married, it does not mean she is looking for somebody better.
    It means she is looking to better herself.
    (Or if she is married and looking for somebody better, caging her won’t change that)

    There are many reasons a woman might dress in an alluring manner. And most of them have little to do with anybody else.

    *She might be recaliming her sensuality. There are many times in a woman’s life where she might have lost herself along the way. Pregnancy. Motherhood. Your infidelity.
    Phases where she has not had the time or energy to take care of herself. And phases where she has felt an awakening of herself before all the responsibility robbed her of her time or will to feel beautiful.

    * She might have let herself go physically. Bodies come and go, there are periods of self- indulgence, or emotional eating followed by periods of getting her shit together at the gym. And the feeling of accomplishment deserves a celebration.

    *Mentally, periods of grief or loss might shift her focus away from her own health for a time. Depression can really suck everything beautiful out of your life, including your self esteem. And to rise from that and wear something that makes flher feel beautiful is to reclaim her true essence before the trauma ripped it to pieces.

    *Emotionally, she might have been struggling to get out of bed for so long that she forget how to put on her lipstick. Where the tears made her give up on wearing mascara. Times when she forgot how doing her hair and wearing something sassy could be good for her soul.

    *Perhaps she had a partner who tried to keep her small, who told her to fly under the radar or risk being left alone. A toxic relationship or an abusive marriage. And perhaps she began to see that a partner who tries to keep her small does not really have her best interests at heart. Only his own.

    A woman in a red dress (or whatever) does not mean she is searching for something outside of her marriage. Perhaps she is reconnecting with something inside of herself that she lost along the way. Perhaps she decided to ‘fake it till she makes it’ back to her former self. The one with confidence and a twinkle in her eye.

    A woman in a red dress (or whatever) does not mean she is ‘searching’ or ‘selling’. She is a woman who is embodying her inner goddess. One who is expressing herself without fear. One who is growing, rising within her own potential. And this has nothing to do with you, your husband, or even her own partner if she has one.
    Most of the time, it has everything to do with her rebirth.

    And if it is your partner in scarlet, give her the support she needs to grow and shine. As this is also a reflection of your love and light. Nobody wants to live in a cage. Everybody has the need to find their way back to themselves. To express themselves. Nobody does well in captivity. Your partner is far more likely to run away if you continue to cage her, than if you accept that all people deserve to be free. As a man, providing a safe space for her to grow in her power and personal expression is an embodiment of your divine masculine.

    There can be a lot of fear caused by underlying insecurity, which will surface when a woman starts looking after herself, and wearing that sexy dress. That is your projection of your own insecurities onto her, and not a prediction of her behaviour. Policing her wardrobe is not what will keep her faithful to you, and allowing her freedom in what she wears will not be the cause of her running off with somebody new.
    And if she does, it has nothing to do with her outfits and everything to do with the state of your relationship.
    Likewise, slut shaming a sexy lady is not going to stop your husband from lusting after her. Only he can do that.
    Women don’t need another cage. And if that baggy T-shirt is the only thing holding your relationship together, there are bigger problems to solve than what is in her draw.

    A man who understands she is not running away from him, but running towards herself, is a man who understands how to attract his mate, rather than trap her. And in this freedom of choice that you provide lies the power. For everyone. Let her choose you. And in turn, she allows you to choose her, in true freedom.

    There is no other way.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • The Sin Of Celibacy

    THE SIN OF CELIBACY

    Talk of celibacy can bring up a lot of touchy emotions, unless the topic is about nuns.

    And here’s the thing about sex…the way we think about it is changing.
    First women were told it’s dirty, something to be endured in order to make children.(1920’s)
    Then women were told they might as well enjoy it, as they’re going to have to do it for the rest of their lives. (1940’s)
    Then there was the free love era of the 1970’s, which must’ve felt very empowering at the time.
    But now? Celibacy can be a choice too. Whether you are single or repairing damage within a marriage. Yet somehow it’s being treated like some sort of mortal sin. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

    I spoke to a woman a while ago about her marriage. The suspicious texts and late nights at the office.
    The neglect she felt and the strings of affairs her husband had been having.
    And yet…mind-blowingly…she was still having sex with him. Offering her body up as a prayer, while disconnecting her heart from her womb.
    Allowing his betrayal to still enter her body in the most physical way, not just her heart and her mind. And it seemed impossible to me that women are expected to have sex with their partners within a marriage. No matter what.
    Now I know that the religious texts will come at this from the perspective that her body belongs to her husband. And his body belongs to his wife. And that he is expected to nurture and cherish her so she doesn’t need to worry about giving herself to him unconditionally. But is this ‘unconditional’ arrangement realistic in a world of scrolling and swiping right?

    Is this unconditional access not damaging to the feminine psyche when the conditions are less than ideal?

    Infidelity. Pregnancy. Illness. Post Partum. Grief. Conflict.

    Have women been brainwashed to seek value by making their bodies available to men? Husbands or otherwise? This thought hits pretty close to home for many. It starts with women being treated as ornaments, and ends with them being treated as concubines.
    Are women only valued as a spouse or partner if they are sexually compliant and accessible? What about everything else she brings to the relationship?

    For centuries a woman’s worth has been measured by her desirability. And men’s by how many cattle they own. But these old thought paradigms are losing relevance in a world where a woman can earn her own income and a man can be a stay at home dad.

    The feminine is now feeling burnt out due to overfuctioning— emotionally, sexually, energetically, and she is beginning to re-draw her boundaries. If she doesn’t feel loved, appreciated, held…she might not feel pressurised to submit to the sexual demands of her partner anymore.

    And this is a good thing…She re-groups, shines up her energy field, focuses inward for a while. And emerges the enchantress, attracting her man to her when things are good between them. Instead of submitting begrudgingly. Using HER powers of seduction, allowing him to feel chosen. Worthy.
    And he knows that he can reach her through love and a new found appreciation, That he can entice her with his charm, love and emotional safety.
    Both receiving the best of each other. Her glow and desire a yardstick to measure his success by as a partner.

    I’m not talking about a knee jerk reaction. I’m talking about conscious celibacy, where she keeps her freedom and sovereignty, she knows her worth and won’t stand for rejection or cheap seduction. She will love you out of devotion instead of guilt. She will feel secure in his love for her without needing to perform, but only if he is willing to evolve.

    A woman calling back her creative energy is not a rejection. It’s an invitation. To rise together. To build something better. To co-create.

    How would she make love to you if she chose you freely, and felt centred in her own desire rather than coerced to submit to yours?

    Celibacy is calling for sacred union, emotional safety and devotion by both parties. A step back to a time where your partnership was based on something more than robotic intercourse. And men are starting to say no too, so this can work both ways.
    Celibacy can be an invitation for personal growth, a call to redirect both your energies, or it can be seen as a punishment.
    And that depends on the perspective you choose.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255


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  • The Crime Of Flying Solo.

    THE CRIME OF FLYING SOLO

    Let’s talk about being single…
    Recently a man responded to one of my posts , saying ‘no wonder you are single’, meant as an insult and a judgement. But sometimes your relationship is just cortisol wrapped in cologne, honey.

    Here are my thoughts:

    There is this idea that a woman only has value of she has been chosen by a man. That a single woman is somehow defective. That the only way a woman can command respect or stature in society is by being somebody’s wife. That a woman needs the back-up of a man in order to be heard, or be successful. But these are outdated patriarchal ideas that have become part of the fabric of our collective unconscious. And they are not correct.

    I do believe that we are wired to want connection. That human beings love the idea of being chosen. That we crave intimacy and physical touch, perhaps a over all else. We are social beings and biologically driven to search for sex. But sex is not intimacy. And when we start to discern this, we can re-imagine this biological blueprint.

    In this era, in this country a woman can earn her own money, drive her own car, and buy her own home. So why are we still clinging to the idea that we need to be in a romantic relationship? Don’t get me wrong, I love a romantic relationship as much as the next person, but the truth is that many of us are clinging to liaisons way beyond their sell by date. Habit? Convenience? Perhaps. But also because we have come to believe that being in a relationship is somehow superior to being single.


    However, if you have ever been single for a period of time, you might have discovered that being single is a powerful and self-affirming choice.
    Being single is a state of unapologetic independence.
    It’s the choice of self reliance, of friendship over romantic love.
    And let’s face it, romantic love isn’t always so romantic.
    Being single is choosing peace over conflict.
    Choosing happiness over mediocrity or hurt.
    It’s being happy with your own company, comfortable in your own space.
    To travel solo and meet new people outside of your comfort zone.
    Being single is choosing freedom, embracing our wildness and being open to new possibilities.
    Being single is a conscious choice to wait for the right time or right person.
    To not settle, or stay stuck.

    Most importantly, being single is choosing yourself, and this is not selfish. Calling back your energy is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. By doing this you are investing in yourself. Making time for your own projects and passions instead of investing in somebody else’s.

    Some of the most productive times in my life have been when I was single. Even when I chose to sit with my unhappiness… writing, journeying, contemplating. Choosing to sit with my trauma until I understood it and could set it free, without the band aid of throwing myself into another relationship..Trying to fix or help a partner rather than myself. This is where personal growth begins. This is the most important journey of your life time, the journey into self.

    I am not single but I am very happy when I am. This image is of me being single at Feel Festival in 2019, feeling ALL of the feels. ❤️

    If you struggle with being single, or are needing to remove yourself from a toxic relationship, let’s talk.
    Book a life coaching session with me online or in perso .

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Heart Beats & Drum Beats

    HEART BEATS & DRUM BEATS

    Our neighbours called it mindless noise.

    We called it drumming, healing, celebrating and creating ❤️

    Drumming has many medicinal qualities, just not for the neighbours, apparently 🤣

    It releases dopamine, one of the happy hormones in your body.
    It’s a better anti-depressant than anything you can buy over the counter.
    It synchronises heartbeats and minds, creates a sense of community.
    The drumming and dance is a creative process and good for the soul.
    It releases endorphins, another happy hormone.
    Creating music and dance stimulates the body and mind.
    Earthing with your feet absorbs the energies of the Earth and has many health benefits.
    And finally, both drumming and dance can lead to ecstatic states that transcend the human condition ❤️

    It’s what your neighbours used to do before they became couch potatoes. It’s what your tribe did before the warehouses and factories sucked them into the industrial revolution. It’s a reclamation of our ancestral roots.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Why The Sensual Arts Are Good For Women.

    WHY THE SENSUAL ARTS ARE GOOD FOR WOMEN

    Why do I teach pole, burlesque, the sensual arts?
    I don’t usually post pole dance on my life coaching page, but here is why;

    It makes you strong, oh yes.
    But more importantly it creates a sisterhood. A safe space of non-judgement amongst women, which can be truly rare.
    A space of non-judgement towards yourself, even more rare.

    That pole can be the most beautiful partner. One who is always there to dance with you. Holding you up, teaching you to appreciate your curves.
    Because pole dance or burlesque is not about men. We aren’t waiting for men to define beauty, we are defining it together, for ourselves.

    It’s about women reclaiming their bodies, realising their fat rolls or stretch marks are testament to a unique life in perpetual motion, and part of the whole woman. Still sexy. Still beautiful. The story behind a life well lived. The story behind grief, despair, triumph, reclamation. Sovereignty.

    You don’t have to be 20 and slim to love your body (but if you’re there I hope you do).
    You just need to let yourself feel the motion of your hips, lose yourself in the swing of the music, close your eyes and appreciate the jiggle. Say yes to yourself, to your body, to your sensuality.

    Dancing in ecstacy has no age limit, no waist size, It’s an invitation to let yourself go. To look inwards and feel your womb, feel your power, feel your vulnerability. Feel it all.
    .
    The shift you need isn’t about toning your body.
    It’s about learning how to express ecstasy and love in the body that you showed up in today. The body that carried your children or survived your last relationship disaster. Her. She.

    It’s about choosing you, seeing you, embracing the hot mess and finding beauty in the chaos of your imperfect perfection. It’s about embracing you.

    I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Love Languages & Understanding Your Partner.

    LOVE LANGUAGES & UNDERSTANDING YOUR PARTNER

    I don’t often do personal posts, but here we are!
    What’s your love language?
    Have you ever felt that the things you do for your partner are unappreciated? No matter how much effort you put into them?
    That’s because we all wish to be loved in different ways!
    But it goes deeper than that, we simply don’t recognise certain things as acts of love, because of how we are wired.

    For example, my love language is ‘quality time’, I don’t like it if you whip out your phone at dinner. Undivided attention from my partner has the biggest impact for me and makes me feel loved.
    Whereas acts or service have a lesser impact on my heart, as much as I do appreciate you mowing the lawn.

    That’s not to say we don’t appreciate all the love languages on some level, but cooking a 4 hour meal might not translate to love for everyone.

    Have you ever thought about how you WANT to be loved?

    How you NEED to be loved.

    How you FEEL loved.

    Have you ever spoken with your partner about this, and found out what love language makes them feel the most loved?

    What that looks like for both of you?
    Why you need that?
    What it feels like for each of you?

    I discovered that my partner feels the most
    loved, when I compliment him.

    Like telling him he is the best boyfriend in the world, saying ‘hey handsome’ when I see him, and expressing to him my appreciation for what he is good at.

    I learned that his love language is words of affirmation.

    He doesn’t really feel loved if I spend 4 hours in the kitchen, even though we both appreciate good food. He wants to be seen.

    My partner has learned that I view love as quality time.
    I feel the most loved when we spend time together. Good times, interesting conversation, sexy time.

    For example, when we go out to dinner and his attentions are solely on me. Or when he puts on a mer tail and swims with me.

    Knowing each other’s love languages will help you to love each other in ways that you both feel loved and appreciated.

    Because loving someone the way you want to be loved, doesn’t always work.

    My partner and I view, and feel love so differently. But you know what? This is normal for couples, and you can spend the rest of your life learning how to love each other better.

    If you want more information on Love Languages and how to improve your relationship, book a coaching session with me. I’m available online or in Bedfordview and Benoni.

    WhatsApp 0833613255
    Candice Baker-The Mermaid Life Coach

    ❤️

  • The Modern Day Witch Trials

    THE MODERN DAY WITCH TRIALS

    So we made it through the witch trials, women of power and healing burned at the stake. Naturopaths, herbalists, midwives, all a threat to the patriarchy and all sentenced to death. Women collaborating against women, pointing fingers away from themselves in fear. Too much water in the well, must be a witch. Not enough crop growth, must be a witch. The theme of too little or too much playing out through the centuries. Wise women persecuted by men, wild women persecuted by women. The only path to safety embodied in the mundane. Women learned that there is shelter in mediocrity.

    But has it really changed? Or are the underlying thought patterns of control and fear still there? Women are still being policed, their wings still clipped, their power still stolen from them. And it starts at school. If you were around in the eighties, you would remember the school panty inspection. Oh yes, the panty police was a thing. We had to lift up our skirts to check whether we were wearing the regulation school brookie. Apart from the gross privacy violation, there was this idea that boys could not control themselves, so the girls had to be strictly controlled instead.And this idea persists today.

    Not much has changed in this new century. Enter the year 2015 and girls get picked out in front of the whole class for wearing black bras. Aside from the fact that black actually shows through less than white, she must be some kind of scarlet woman to be wearing such a colour under her clothing. And to discuss the colour of her underwear in front of an entire class of boys, to embarass her and violate her rights in such a public way is inexcusable. Women victimizing girls.

    Women’s bodies have always fallen under the control of others. Owned by the patriarchy and not themselves. Wrinkled old men deciding on women’s rights to this day in first world countries. Persecution by the gusset Gestapo should your stocking be showing. Women not allowed into temples. Women banned from holy places when they are bleeding and considered unclean. It seems even periods are policed. The vilification of the yoni has continued through the centuries, because to acknowledge the opposite would be to acknowledge the power of women.

    As a dance instructor I have recieved so many comments about outfits that show too much, yet every private part is covered. Do a split in a tutu and you are a graceful and gifted ballerina. Do a split on the pole in hot pants and everybody loses their minds. Asking a dancer to cover up is like asking Chad le Clos to swim in baggies, it cannot be done. It shouldn’t be done. It restricts movement in impossible ways, and ruins the aeathetic. Oh how society loves to brand a woman in scarlet, for nothing more than what could be implied in their minds. Because it was what was in your mind that was inciting lust, while everyone else was appreciating her beautiful long legged splits.

    Perform in a magnificent set of fire wings, with fire fans, in an outfit layered white hotpants, white miniskirt, long white lace skirt surrounded by 20 flames. A stunt requiring courage, experience and risk management. But there is always one who will be horrified that the dancers were showing their vaginas to the crowd.
    The one with the x-ray vision, who could see their lady parts through 3 layers of clothing, in the dark. My what a rich and vivid imagination she must have. A vision so sharp that she could not see the fire, not appreciate the show, not zoom out or away from that place between their thighs. I suspect another 3 layers would have made little difference to such a piercing and judgemental gaze.

    So there the dancer is, performing magnificent stunts with her body requiring years of blood /sweat/tears, all her efforts reduced to flashing her imagined genitalia. A total denigration of talent into filth by a tormented psyche. Are your glasses tinted by roses or filth?
    A vagina lurking under every rock ready to pounce.
    A fear, bred into women over the centuries. A threat wielded by the patriarchy to keep the feminine form covered.

    2000 years later and the woman will still be burned at the stake. Acid thrown on her face for rejecting a male suitor. Forced to marry her rapist to restore her honour. Child brides for paedophiles.

    Surely we have more important things to worry about than the implied shape of a woman’s body? Surely in this era women deserve the same freedom as their male counterparts? We may joke about a Speedo, or a mankind, but is it vilified? Nope. Whilst the shadow of a yoni or a breast is shamed in public but praised in private. Bought, sold, stolen. But never to be given for free without shame.

    Perhaps our focus should be on creating a safe space for freedom.
    Freedom of expression.
    Freedom of choice.
    Freedom from policing the bodies of women.

    Women reclaiming their power, their creative force, the sacredness of their inner temple. Their yoni, the spark of life, the sacred feminine within. Women supporting women and men creating safety. Remembering the goddess within, holding ourselves in high regard, and not shrinking into shame. Because our bodies are not shameful, they are worthy of respect and admiration.

    No, the yoni is not the divine feminine, the goddess is, and she lives within each of us. Within our yoni, within our womb, within our hearts, our minds, our souls. And she demands respect.

    Let’s bleed out the poison and grow a community of respect and sovereignty, not fear, together.

    I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255