We called it drumming, healing, celebrating and creating ❤️
Drumming has many medicinal qualities, just not for the neighbours, apparently 🤣
It releases dopamine, one of the happy hormones in your body. It’s a better anti-depressant than anything you can buy over the counter. It synchronises heartbeats and minds, creates a sense of community. The drumming and dance is a creative process and good for the soul. It releases endorphins, another happy hormone. Creating music and dance stimulates the body and mind. Earthing with your feet absorbs the energies of the Earth and has many health benefits. And finally, both drumming and dance can lead to ecstatic states that transcend the human condition ❤️
It’s what your neighbours used to do before they became couch potatoes. It’s what your tribe did before the warehouses and factories sucked them into the industrial revolution. It’s a reclamation of our ancestral roots.
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
Why do I teach pole, burlesque, the sensual arts? I don’t usually post pole dance on my life coaching page, but here is why;
It makes you strong, oh yes. But more importantly it creates a sisterhood. A safe space of non-judgement amongst women, which can be truly rare. A space of non-judgement towards yourself, even more rare.
That pole can be the most beautiful partner. One who is always there to dance with you. Holding you up, teaching you to appreciate your curves. Because pole dance or burlesque is not about men. We aren’t waiting for men to define beauty, we are defining it together, for ourselves.
It’s about women reclaiming their bodies, realising their fat rolls or stretch marks are testament to a unique life in perpetual motion, and part of the whole woman. Still sexy. Still beautiful. The story behind a life well lived. The story behind grief, despair, triumph, reclamation. Sovereignty.
You don’t have to be 20 and slim to love your body (but if you’re there I hope you do). You just need to let yourself feel the motion of your hips, lose yourself in the swing of the music, close your eyes and appreciate the jiggle. Say yes to yourself, to your body, to your sensuality.
Dancing in ecstacy has no age limit, no waist size, It’s an invitation to let yourself go. To look inwards and feel your womb, feel your power, feel your vulnerability. Feel it all. . The shift you need isn’t about toning your body. It’s about learning how to express ecstasy and love in the body that you showed up in today. The body that carried your children or survived your last relationship disaster. Her. She.
It’s about choosing you, seeing you, embracing the hot mess and finding beauty in the chaos of your imperfect perfection. It’s about embracing you.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
I don’t often do personal posts, but here we are! What’s your love language? Have you ever felt that the things you do for your partner are unappreciated? No matter how much effort you put into them? That’s because we all wish to be loved in different ways! But it goes deeper than that, we simply don’t recognise certain things as acts of love, because of how we are wired.
For example, my love language is ‘quality time’, I don’t like it if you whip out your phone at dinner. Undivided attention from my partner has the biggest impact for me and makes me feel loved. Whereas acts or service have a lesser impact on my heart, as much as I do appreciate you mowing the lawn.
That’s not to say we don’t appreciate all the love languages on some level, but cooking a 4 hour meal might not translate to love for everyone.
Have you ever thought about how you WANT to be loved?
How you NEED to be loved.
How you FEEL loved.
Have you ever spoken with your partner about this, and found out what love language makes them feel the most loved?
What that looks like for both of you? Why you need that? What it feels like for each of you?
I discovered that my partner feels the most loved, when I compliment him.
Like telling him he is the best boyfriend in the world, saying ‘hey handsome’ when I see him, and expressing to him my appreciation for what he is good at.
I learned that his love language is words of affirmation.
He doesn’t really feel loved if I spend 4 hours in the kitchen, even though we both appreciate good food. He wants to be seen.
My partner has learned that I view love as quality time. I feel the most loved when we spend time together. Good times, interesting conversation, sexy time.
For example, when we go out to dinner and his attentions are solely on me. Or when he puts on a mer tail and swims with me.
Knowing each other’s love languages will help you to love each other in ways that you both feel loved and appreciated.
Because loving someone the way you want to be loved, doesn’t always work.
My partner and I view, and feel love so differently. But you know what? This is normal for couples, and you can spend the rest of your life learning how to love each other better.
If you want more information on Love Languages and how to improve your relationship, book a coaching session with me. I’m available online or in Bedfordview and Benoni.
WhatsApp 0833613255 Candice Baker-The Mermaid Life Coach
So we made it through the witch trials, women of power and healing burned at the stake. Naturopaths, herbalists, midwives, all a threat to the patriarchy and all sentenced to death. Women collaborating against women, pointing fingers away from themselves in fear. Too much water in the well, must be a witch. Not enough crop growth, must be a witch. The theme of too little or too much playing out through the centuries. Wise women persecuted by men, wild women persecuted by women. The only path to safety embodied in the mundane. Women learned that there is shelter in mediocrity.
But has it really changed? Or are the underlying thought patterns of control and fear still there? Women are still being policed, their wings still clipped, their power still stolen from them. And it starts at school. If you were around in the eighties, you would remember the school panty inspection. Oh yes, the panty police was a thing. We had to lift up our skirts to check whether we were wearing the regulation school brookie. Apart from the gross privacy violation, there was this idea that boys could not control themselves, so the girls had to be strictly controlled instead.And this idea persists today.
Not much has changed in this new century. Enter the year 2015 and girls get picked out in front of the whole class for wearing black bras. Aside from the fact that black actually shows through less than white, she must be some kind of scarlet woman to be wearing such a colour under her clothing. And to discuss the colour of her underwear in front of an entire class of boys, to embarass her and violate her rights in such a public way is inexcusable. Women victimizing girls.
Women’s bodies have always fallen under the control of others. Owned by the patriarchy and not themselves. Wrinkled old men deciding on women’s rights to this day in first world countries. Persecution by the gusset Gestapo should your stocking be showing. Women not allowed into temples. Women banned from holy places when they are bleeding and considered unclean. It seems even periods are policed. The vilification of the yoni has continued through the centuries, because to acknowledge the opposite would be to acknowledge the power of women.
As a dance instructor I have recieved so many comments about outfits that show too much, yet every private part is covered. Do a split in a tutu and you are a graceful and gifted ballerina. Do a split on the pole in hot pants and everybody loses their minds. Asking a dancer to cover up is like asking Chad le Clos to swim in baggies, it cannot be done. It shouldn’t be done. It restricts movement in impossible ways, and ruins the aeathetic. Oh how society loves to brand a woman in scarlet, for nothing more than what could be implied in their minds. Because it was what was in your mind that was inciting lust, while everyone else was appreciating her beautiful long legged splits.
Perform in a magnificent set of fire wings, with fire fans, in an outfit layered white hotpants, white miniskirt, long white lace skirt surrounded by 20 flames. A stunt requiring courage, experience and risk management. But there is always one who will be horrified that the dancers were showing their vaginas to the crowd. The one with the x-ray vision, who could see their lady parts through 3 layers of clothing, in the dark. My what a rich and vivid imagination she must have. A vision so sharp that she could not see the fire, not appreciate the show, not zoom out or away from that place between their thighs. I suspect another 3 layers would have made little difference to such a piercing and judgemental gaze.
So there the dancer is, performing magnificent stunts with her body requiring years of blood /sweat/tears, all her efforts reduced to flashing her imagined genitalia. A total denigration of talent into filth by a tormented psyche. Are your glasses tinted by roses or filth? A vagina lurking under every rock ready to pounce. A fear, bred into women over the centuries. A threat wielded by the patriarchy to keep the feminine form covered.
2000 years later and the woman will still be burned at the stake. Acid thrown on her face for rejecting a male suitor. Forced to marry her rapist to restore her honour. Child brides for paedophiles.
Surely we have more important things to worry about than the implied shape of a woman’s body? Surely in this era women deserve the same freedom as their male counterparts? We may joke about a Speedo, or a mankind, but is it vilified? Nope. Whilst the shadow of a yoni or a breast is shamed in public but praised in private. Bought, sold, stolen. But never to be given for free without shame.
Perhaps our focus should be on creating a safe space for freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom of choice. Freedom from policing the bodies of women.
Women reclaiming their power, their creative force, the sacredness of their inner temple. Their yoni, the spark of life, the sacred feminine within. Women supporting women and men creating safety. Remembering the goddess within, holding ourselves in high regard, and not shrinking into shame. Because our bodies are not shameful, they are worthy of respect and admiration.
No, the yoni is not the divine feminine, the goddess is, and she lives within each of us. Within our yoni, within our womb, within our hearts, our minds, our souls. And she demands respect.
Let’s bleed out the poison and grow a community of respect and sovereignty, not fear, together.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
I read a post this morning about ageing, and all the traditional ideas women have swallowed for years about it.
Historically, women are made to feel irrelevant as they age. Men get ‘sexy’. They get gray hair, they’re the silver foxes. We’re just…OLD. The crones, our time is up. We’re done with our baby making years, our primary purpose for being. And when we’re done with that at 40, there’s nothing left for us.
But the women I know are only just starting to live! We’re reclaiming this as our enchantress phase, and connecting to our wild woman. Were finally free from rearing our families and getting our groove back. Women don’t want to talk about being a midlifer because that means there’s no place for them. They’re not wanted. So, it’s about us women reclaiming that narrative, and changing the way we’re seen throughout the entirety of our life. It was never about our looks, it was only made to seem that way. Whatever your age, claim your magic and grow into your path. It is a privilege to age, to have wisdom and experience makes us valuable. So be an icon for younger women.
Women are aging beautifully because they are taking care of themselves. I know many older women who are in their prime and styling life. Many men on the other hand are not! Fat bellies, bald heads and “old mentality.” They are quick to critisize but slow to look at themselves in the mirror. Older women are embracing their sexuality, free from the constraints of fertility. Sometimes, it’s the older men who are no longer sexually appealing. But no one ever noticed, because men are not judged by their looks to the same extent. They have been chasing around younger women to tap into our fountain of youth. But today’s women… we are noticing and some are looking for younger companions too. The tables have been reversing.
Things are no longer what they were, and women are rising. So take the focus off how you look and poor your female energies into creating something beautiful. Pick a project today, it could be something within yourself, or to uplift something outside of yourself. You have the power of creation at your fingertips and it’s time to birth something new.
My name is Candice Baker-The Mermaid Life Coach I am a life coach and relationship coach, a traditional doctor and I can support you holistically on your journey. WhatsApp inquires 0833613255
Most of us have heard about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and we link it to war veterans and victims of physical violence. But the truth is that this type of trauma response is not just linked to war, you could be experiencing trauma in your own home that could be causing a lesser known stress disorder. It’s called CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and differs from PTSD primarily in its cause. CPTSD stems from prolonged, repeated trauma like long-term abuse, whereas PTSD typically follows a single or limited, acute traumatic event like a car crash. So that recurring psychosis your boyfriend gets from smoking weed, or the angry outbursts your dad gets from too much alcohol can affect you in a similar way. Clinically, CPTSD includes all PTSD symptoms plus additional clusters related to emotion regulation, self-perception, and interpersonal relationships. What this means is that not only will you experience symptoms of PTSD, you will have other emotions to deal with too. With PTSD you might experience flashbacks, intrusive thoughts or nightmares, which can be extremely disturbing. You will try to avoid reminders of the trauma you experienced, like driving, or avoid the feelings it brings up, even avoid thinking about it entirely. It can leave you feeling edgy and irritable a lot of the time, and your nervous system will be constantly on high alert for recurring danger. You become the world’s worst passenger.
With CPTSD, you might experience all of these things, plus 3 more areas of difficulty. When trauma is long term or inescaple, from childhood abuse or domestic violence, you will be left struggling to regulate your nervous system. You will be living in fight or flight mode. Your emotions will be intense, and you might feel as if you are walking on egg shells as soon as the front door opens at night. Over time, long term abuse will alter the way you see yourself, and could leave you with a negative self image. You might embody feelings of worthlessness and shame, taking on the blame yourself, or feeling embarassed about what is happening to you.
In the context of your outside relationships, you might struggle to trust and connect to people, which will affect your ability to maintain stable relationships.The very thing that you need to help you heal.
So if your home life or love life is leaving you feeling broken or damaged, it’s time to make a change. It might not be possible to make a clean break from the one who is traumatizing you, but the first step is to recognise that you are worthy of so much more than this. Try some meditation or positive visualisations, there are many free apps you can use. Begin practicing self love, start with little rituals like picking a flower for yourself, or taking a long bath with bubbles. Nurture your inner child.
Start taking steps to regulate your nervous system, like breathwork and yoga. Take some walks, spend time in nature bare foot, and find somebody to talk to. This could be a friend, teacher or counselor. There are free services available if you need them.
And slowly make your exit plans, save some money, get employed, start a new hobby and improve your support system. Starting over might seem scary, but it’s your chance to build something better this time.
So make your plans, breathe in your courage and exhale knowing you’ve got this. Happiness is an inside job, so start there and watch yourself bloom and outgrow your current situation. You deserve more. You are worthy. You are enough.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
There is a lot of talk about the divine feminine and masculine. Or the embodied feminine and masculine. Speaking from a woman’s perspective, the masculine in a love relationship needs to embody structure. He needs to show groundedness, be consistent and provide stability. From the evolutionary perspective, men are wired to serve and protect. Just take a look at the meat suit, compared to that of a woman’s. Huge hands, thick arms and long legs. Wide shoulders and Lats. In return, a woman shares her softness with her man, her nurturing and loving nature and body. She becomes relaxed and opens like a flower. She is designed for providing solace, to allow him to pour his devotion into her, and share her wide hips, her round breasts and loving arms.
In today’s society, this can become very confusing. Women are being taught to be providers in their own right, and men are hesitant to open doors or be chivalrous in case of backlash. Women are liberated and independent, but that does not mean she wants to stand alone. The problem is, if he is passive or inconsistent, a woman’s nervous system will be activated. She needs clarity and consistency to feel secure. So a man who feels unable to assert himself in a relationship with a financially empowered woman might feel redundant. Or disconnected from an emotionally wise woman if he cannot meet her with his genuine self expression. And the woman might feel neglected, and retreat into the safety of emotional shutdown if her partner cannot rise to her emotional needs. While a man who feels empowered to make her his priority will help her feel safe and supported. Yes, she can do all the things for herself, but she shouldn’t have to if she is in a conscious partnership.
If her man does not embody the traits of safety, consistency and reliability, she goes into survival mode. This is because women experience inconsistency as a form of abandonment. If she cannot rely on a partner for this stability, she will withdraw and create her own safe environment. Or she might feel needy, get critical, even angry. Reaching out will sound like nagging or bossiness to an avoidant male. She might feel insecure or attacked or even try to manipulate the situation to achieve a consistent outcome in an effort to regain a sense of control over her environment. Because if he cannot provide leadership, she will step up and take the reigns out of necessity.
Whichever happens, without this feeling of safety, predictability and security, the feminine will not be able to be soft or surrendered. She will not relax, let her guard down or flourish in her natural nurturing state. Survival mode will make her reactive, tough as nails and embody her masculine. The passive male will recieve the fierce and defensive warrior instead of the sensual goddess energy that he craves.
So the balance lies in consistency, reliability and safety from him so that she can relax and allow herself to bloom. Meet her half way and in return she will nurture and support her partner with her body and mind. She will exhale. It is the balance of complimentary roles that is needed, afterall…who needs 2 alpha males in a relationship? .
I am a life coach and relationship coach. Reach out to book a session on WhatsApp 0833613255
Ladies, my posts are for YOU. I spend a good amount of time deleting any unwanted male energy from my profile. So why the sexy images? If you are triggered by these, let me tell you my story.
I was an awkward child, shy and without many friends. If my one and only friend skipped primary school, I would sit alone at break and read my book. I still love reading today, and it has made my journey as an author so much easier too
When I got to high school, I decided a re-brand was in order. I forced myself to come out of my shell, I made as many friends as I could, and I learned how to speak to boys. And you know what happened? The boys liked me too much, and the girls became competitive, bitchy, insecure (let’s face it). Rumours, accusations, even threats of physical violence. Jeez I hated high school! Women are taught at a young age to hate on other women, to slut shame other women, simply because some dude thinks they are pretty or interesting.
I started modelling at 16, mostly to improve my self esteem. My parents did not understand what I was trying to do, “fake it till you make it”, ya know what I mean? So they weren’t very supportive and there was a lot of criticism. My mother would continually tell me that beauty comes from inside. And she was right, of course, in her own way. At the end of the day we need to focus on our inner selves as well. Find a balance, and the path to self appreciation.
But here’s the thing, I got the psychology degree, the 2 kids, the divorce because I didn’t play small. I got the life coaching diploma, the pole dancing studio, the yoga qualifications. As women we need to come back to wholeness. To self love. To balance. Integrating the yin and the yang. Pole dance and burlesque really helped me with self love and appreciation. The kind you can’t get from the outside. From your bored husband or your wandering boyfriend. Yes, beauty is on the inside, and learning self love is the greatest journey you will ever embark on. But woman have been taught to suppress their sensuality, their goddess energy. To bow under the judgement of others and douse their inner fire.
Even as an adult, there is pressure to play it down. But being a safe woman does not mean being a small woman. Be out there, by all means, just don’t take someone else’s husband along for the ride! And ladies, we are here to support each other and Iift each other up. There should not be competition between strong, or wild women. This woman does not need your man. And let’s be real here for a second. You cannot steal a man who is not willing to be stolen, unless you brought your cable ties and duct tape.
Women are not just maidens, mothers, whores, crones. We are ALL of these things. And to be a highly functioning woman, a fully integrated embodiment of the divine feminine, we need to embrace all of these aspects of ourselves. Honour our bodies and our needs in a relationship that sees us in all our aspects, or in our sovereign single state.
So if my posts are provoking an uncomfortable reaction in you, perhaps we could chat about how to integrate these more sensual aspects into your psyche. How to embrace all that you can be, and stop playing small. You are not just somebody’s girlfriend, somebody mother. You are not a washed up ok crone. You are an enchantress, a goddess full of life and love. Do not apologise for your roar, lioness.
I am a life coach and relationship coach. You can book a session on WhatsApp 0833613255
You know what’s really sexy? A man who is in touch with his emotions. One who can talk about them and hold space for yours. A man who can listen to your feedback without feeling criticised. A man who can listen and respond without lashing out. This doesn’t make you weak, it makes you a high value trophy.
Do you want to know 3 little words that will make her nervous system relax when she comes to you with a problem? 3 words that will turn her into a lamb instead of a snarling She Wolf? “Babe, I hear you”.
Or when she asks you for a change? “Babe, I got this”.
So how do achieve this state in the middle of world war 3 playing out in your kitchen?
Firstly, JUST… STOP… TALKING. Try to listen. Even better, do this before she starts losing her mind and shrieking at you. Because let’s face it, she probably didn’t start out shouting at the top of her lungs. She came to you with an issue and you deflected it, gasliighted her, got defensive or escalated her tone. You reacted to her reaction to YOUR behaviour. Because no matter what you said or did, she isn’t allowed to show irritation?
Dude, this war zone could have been prevented with a few emotionally intelligent skills, but here we are. (Again).
So now you’ve skipped the mediation phase and went straight to DEFCON 1. You need crisis management. You need to stop what you are doing and put away the big guns. There are no sticks and stones here, only words. (Why is it that most men will rather fight a lion than deal with emotions?) This might go against your every instinct, but do not react, or lash out. Do not respond, don’t even fucking blink. Just shut it and listen. It’s not that hard, you got this big boy! Then, when she has had her say, tell her that you heard her. Say it. “Ok, I hear you”. If she does not die of shock on the spot, she will exhale. Both of you need to breathe, big slow exhales. Take a few deep breaths. You’ll both need a moment to calm down.
Now is your time to respond. Not yet with solutions. With confirmation. ‘It sounds like you are upset because…’ ‘I can hear that … is really bothering you’ ‘Im sorry that … upset you’ Show her that you understand what she has expressed to you. Gain clarity, mirror her words. And if it’s you that is the problem, you’re the lucky bastard who can actually solve this. So that’s a good thing.
“Babe, I’m going to do better”. “Honey, I’m so sorry”. “Sweetheart, I got this”. No whining, no “I’m trying”, no tantrums. Speak in absolutes, Take responsibility for your crap, and assure her you have understood the problem. That you have it under control.
And then most importantly, DO THE THING. There is no room for your good intentions here. Everyone has good intentions. Even psychopaths might start the day without plotting to eat your brains with a nice Chianti. There is room for action and problem solving here, and this is where your strength lies. So be reliable, keep your word. Stick to your promises. Formulate an action plan to avoid future pit falls. You’re an intelligent guy, so stop falling into the same trap.
Get that right, and her nervous system stops the steeple chase and begins to relax. She will stop running away from you, she will stop attacking you. She will begin to feel safe. Fight or flight mode disengaged.
Words and emotions are not your enemy. Avoidance is. Don’t sweep things under the rug, and avoid difficult conversations. Don’t lash out and react with anger everytime she wants to discuss something with you. Take a deep breath and hear her out. Check in with each other regularly. Are we reaching our goals, are we doing better at XYZ? Accept feedback.
This is how a conscious relationship grows, and you avoid making the same mistakes. . This is how you move forward instead of losing your way and walking in circles. Avoid the downward spiral and inevitable decline. It’s time to pack away your safari suit and step out of the jungle.
This is your relationship, not a fucking bear hunt.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. You can book a session with me on WhatsApp 0833613255
I think one of the best things about getting older is learning to stand my ground. People have often underestimated me in the past, made assumptions about my intelligence or my calm nature.
I have been looked down on as a silly blonde, I have been bullied and often treated with less respect than I deserve. Boundaries trampled and being too nice to say anything about it.
And then something began to change on the inside as I got older…although I still love to please people, make a good impression and get along…I won’t do it at my own personal expense. I think it boils down to finding confidence in my courage, and learning to speak my mind when I feel that I am being bulldozed. It’s about knowing my worth in business and in my personal life. Connecting to my inner fire and caring less about what people think.
Especially people who do not matter or who don’t seem to mind the way they behave towards me. And guess what? Nobody died! In fact people respected me more, or are at least a bit more careful about how they treat me or what they say to me.
So set those boundaries, stand up for yourself and do not entertain toxic people or bullies. They will respect you more for it, or remove themselves from your space.
I can help you stand in your power too. I offer Life coaching and relationship coaching with a special interest in relationships and women empowerment..Wellness coaching too. Appointments: WhatsApp 0833613255
Candice Baker Life Coach 