We called it drumming, healing, celebrating and creating ❤️
Drumming has many medicinal qualities, just not for the neighbours, apparently 🤣
It releases dopamine, one of the happy hormones in your body. It’s a better anti-depressant than anything you can buy over the counter. It synchronises heartbeats and minds, creates a sense of community. The drumming and dance is a creative process and good for the soul. It releases endorphins, another happy hormone. Creating music and dance stimulates the body and mind. Earthing with your feet absorbs the energies of the Earth and has many health benefits. And finally, both drumming and dance can lead to ecstatic states that transcend the human condition ❤️
It’s what your neighbours used to do before they became couch potatoes. It’s what your tribe did before the warehouses and factories sucked them into the industrial revolution. It’s a reclamation of our ancestral roots.
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
Why do I teach pole, burlesque, the sensual arts? I don’t usually post pole dance on my life coaching page, but here is why;
It makes you strong, oh yes. But more importantly it creates a sisterhood. A safe space of non-judgement amongst women, which can be truly rare. A space of non-judgement towards yourself, even more rare.
That pole can be the most beautiful partner. One who is always there to dance with you. Holding you up, teaching you to appreciate your curves. Because pole dance or burlesque is not about men. We aren’t waiting for men to define beauty, we are defining it together, for ourselves.
It’s about women reclaiming their bodies, realising their fat rolls or stretch marks are testament to a unique life in perpetual motion, and part of the whole woman. Still sexy. Still beautiful. The story behind a life well lived. The story behind grief, despair, triumph, reclamation. Sovereignty.
You don’t have to be 20 and slim to love your body (but if you’re there I hope you do). You just need to let yourself feel the motion of your hips, lose yourself in the swing of the music, close your eyes and appreciate the jiggle. Say yes to yourself, to your body, to your sensuality.
Dancing in ecstacy has no age limit, no waist size, It’s an invitation to let yourself go. To look inwards and feel your womb, feel your power, feel your vulnerability. Feel it all. . The shift you need isn’t about toning your body. It’s about learning how to express ecstasy and love in the body that you showed up in today. The body that carried your children or survived your last relationship disaster. Her. She.
It’s about choosing you, seeing you, embracing the hot mess and finding beauty in the chaos of your imperfect perfection. It’s about embracing you.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
We live in a society that is becoming more permissive with each passing year. Sex and violence on TV, each MTV video trying to out-do the last one. Women gyrating and tequila flowing.
Should we try to censor these sexual things? These substances ? In certain spaces absolutely. In adult spaces, less. And in specially designed spaces perhaps not at all. Driving something underground does not make it go away, it makes it unregulated…dangerous.
But what I’m seeing is this dialogue about women inciting lust. That the responsibility of a man’s behaviour lies with the female. But woman’s bodies have long been the centre of lust; a woman can wear a burka and still be the object of a man’s fantasy. She could be wearing a stained flannel nightie and still be forced to do sexual things unwillingly. A baby can be wearing a nappy and still be the object of desire to a certain kind of man. A child on the playground, hanging upside down on the jungle gym can fall prey too. Similarly a woman who is drunk or high might become the target of a certain type of man. Or a performer on a stage, or sexily dressed females at a club, or a woman simply walking down the road. But in all of these situations, lust is in the eye (and heart) of the beholder. The man gets to choose how he responds to these stimuli.
Some men will gaze at a child with innocent joy, others might love them ‘too much’ an unnatural twisting of the urge for intimacy. Nobody ever raped a baby because it was wearing sexy shoes. Something else was going on in the minds of these men.
A performer on a stage, or a girl in a sassy outfit is not asking for sex any more than that child is. Men are not animals. We need to stop treating them as such. They have a frontal lobe, they are capable of logical thought and decision making. We need to stop making them out to be illogical beasts burdened with testosterone and desire. Right, guys?
But some men are predators. If a woman is heartbroken, or drunk, she becomes fair game. If she is provocatively dressed, she is keen. And if not she can be rufied. Some men seem to like their women unconscious. This is criminal behaviour and not the responsibility of the woman or child.
A woman who is under the influence is in danger of being taken advantage of. A man under the influence is not. Will he protect her or become part of the problem?
My point is this: men are capable of self control, and women (or children) should not need to live in fear of them losing this control. Men need to re-think the entitlement they feel towards women’s bodies. There are spaces where women can dress in skimpy clothing, like the beach, the stage or a festival, and it does not mean they are inciting lust. It does not mean they are looking for sex. It does not mean they are dressing to impress any man. It’s not about him at all. It’s about her enjoying her body, expressing herself and feeling beautiful. And if he is really desperate, he can switch on that adult channel. There are appropriate places he can go to relieve himself. Spaces that are regulated and safe for the men and the consenting women involved.
We need to stop blaming the victim. We need to stop blaming other women for inciting lust. We need to start working on why some men feel entitled to take what is not theirs, what is not freely given. And if you’re not sure if it’s been freely given, zip up big boy. If she is crying, grieving, sleeping or under the influence, go and whack that pointy thing on the door frame, dude. Safety and intimacy are different to sex. If she is slow dancing with you, or crying in your shoulder, that is not consent, it’s vulnerability. Be a good guy.
Women do not incite lust, and most men can appreciate a woman while still keeping it in their pants. If you’re not one of them, you need to re-think the your ideas about women and their bodies. And if you’re a woman who believes a victim is responsible for the crime, you need to examine your thoughts too.
We live in a society where women need to be protected from men, and that is a huge problem. Men are not animals. But if they choose to behave like one, the consequences should be harsh. Self control and rational thought are what make us human, and humanity has a long way to go.
So stop the slut shaming and start asking why women are being policed and blamed for crimes committed by predators. Our bodies are sovereign, and women alone have the rights to them.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
So we made it through the witch trials, women of power and healing burned at the stake. Naturopaths, herbalists, midwives, all a threat to the patriarchy and all sentenced to death. Women collaborating against women, pointing fingers away from themselves in fear. Too much water in the well, must be a witch. Not enough crop growth, must be a witch. The theme of too little or too much playing out through the centuries. Wise women persecuted by men, wild women persecuted by women. The only path to safety embodied in the mundane. Women learned that there is shelter in mediocrity.
But has it really changed? Or are the underlying thought patterns of control and fear still there? Women are still being policed, their wings still clipped, their power still stolen from them. And it starts at school. If you were around in the eighties, you would remember the school panty inspection. Oh yes, the panty police was a thing. We had to lift up our skirts to check whether we were wearing the regulation school brookie. Apart from the gross privacy violation, there was this idea that boys could not control themselves, so the girls had to be strictly controlled instead.And this idea persists today.
Not much has changed in this new century. Enter the year 2015 and girls get picked out in front of the whole class for wearing black bras. Aside from the fact that black actually shows through less than white, she must be some kind of scarlet woman to be wearing such a colour under her clothing. And to discuss the colour of her underwear in front of an entire class of boys, to embarass her and violate her rights in such a public way is inexcusable. Women victimizing girls.
Women’s bodies have always fallen under the control of others. Owned by the patriarchy and not themselves. Wrinkled old men deciding on women’s rights to this day in first world countries. Persecution by the gusset Gestapo should your stocking be showing. Women not allowed into temples. Women banned from holy places when they are bleeding and considered unclean. It seems even periods are policed. The vilification of the yoni has continued through the centuries, because to acknowledge the opposite would be to acknowledge the power of women.
As a dance instructor I have recieved so many comments about outfits that show too much, yet every private part is covered. Do a split in a tutu and you are a graceful and gifted ballerina. Do a split on the pole in hot pants and everybody loses their minds. Asking a dancer to cover up is like asking Chad le Clos to swim in baggies, it cannot be done. It shouldn’t be done. It restricts movement in impossible ways, and ruins the aeathetic. Oh how society loves to brand a woman in scarlet, for nothing more than what could be implied in their minds. Because it was what was in your mind that was inciting lust, while everyone else was appreciating her beautiful long legged splits.
Perform in a magnificent set of fire wings, with fire fans, in an outfit layered white hotpants, white miniskirt, long white lace skirt surrounded by 20 flames. A stunt requiring courage, experience and risk management. But there is always one who will be horrified that the dancers were showing their vaginas to the crowd. The one with the x-ray vision, who could see their lady parts through 3 layers of clothing, in the dark. My what a rich and vivid imagination she must have. A vision so sharp that she could not see the fire, not appreciate the show, not zoom out or away from that place between their thighs. I suspect another 3 layers would have made little difference to such a piercing and judgemental gaze.
So there the dancer is, performing magnificent stunts with her body requiring years of blood /sweat/tears, all her efforts reduced to flashing her imagined genitalia. A total denigration of talent into filth by a tormented psyche. Are your glasses tinted by roses or filth? A vagina lurking under every rock ready to pounce. A fear, bred into women over the centuries. A threat wielded by the patriarchy to keep the feminine form covered.
2000 years later and the woman will still be burned at the stake. Acid thrown on her face for rejecting a male suitor. Forced to marry her rapist to restore her honour. Child brides for paedophiles.
Surely we have more important things to worry about than the implied shape of a woman’s body? Surely in this era women deserve the same freedom as their male counterparts? We may joke about a Speedo, or a mankind, but is it vilified? Nope. Whilst the shadow of a yoni or a breast is shamed in public but praised in private. Bought, sold, stolen. But never to be given for free without shame.
Perhaps our focus should be on creating a safe space for freedom. Freedom of expression. Freedom of choice. Freedom from policing the bodies of women.
Women reclaiming their power, their creative force, the sacredness of their inner temple. Their yoni, the spark of life, the sacred feminine within. Women supporting women and men creating safety. Remembering the goddess within, holding ourselves in high regard, and not shrinking into shame. Because our bodies are not shameful, they are worthy of respect and admiration.
No, the yoni is not the divine feminine, the goddess is, and she lives within each of us. Within our yoni, within our womb, within our hearts, our minds, our souls. And she demands respect.
Let’s bleed out the poison and grow a community of respect and sovereignty, not fear, together.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
Most of us have heard about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and we link it to war veterans and victims of physical violence. But the truth is that this type of trauma response is not just linked to war, you could be experiencing trauma in your own home that could be causing a lesser known stress disorder. It’s called CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and differs from PTSD primarily in its cause. CPTSD stems from prolonged, repeated trauma like long-term abuse, whereas PTSD typically follows a single or limited, acute traumatic event like a car crash. So that recurring psychosis your boyfriend gets from smoking weed, or the angry outbursts your dad gets from too much alcohol can affect you in a similar way. Clinically, CPTSD includes all PTSD symptoms plus additional clusters related to emotion regulation, self-perception, and interpersonal relationships. What this means is that not only will you experience symptoms of PTSD, you will have other emotions to deal with too. With PTSD you might experience flashbacks, intrusive thoughts or nightmares, which can be extremely disturbing. You will try to avoid reminders of the trauma you experienced, like driving, or avoid the feelings it brings up, even avoid thinking about it entirely. It can leave you feeling edgy and irritable a lot of the time, and your nervous system will be constantly on high alert for recurring danger. You become the world’s worst passenger.
With CPTSD, you might experience all of these things, plus 3 more areas of difficulty. When trauma is long term or inescaple, from childhood abuse or domestic violence, you will be left struggling to regulate your nervous system. You will be living in fight or flight mode. Your emotions will be intense, and you might feel as if you are walking on egg shells as soon as the front door opens at night. Over time, long term abuse will alter the way you see yourself, and could leave you with a negative self image. You might embody feelings of worthlessness and shame, taking on the blame yourself, or feeling embarassed about what is happening to you.
In the context of your outside relationships, you might struggle to trust and connect to people, which will affect your ability to maintain stable relationships.The very thing that you need to help you heal.
So if your home life or love life is leaving you feeling broken or damaged, it’s time to make a change. It might not be possible to make a clean break from the one who is traumatizing you, but the first step is to recognise that you are worthy of so much more than this. Try some meditation or positive visualisations, there are many free apps you can use. Begin practicing self love, start with little rituals like picking a flower for yourself, or taking a long bath with bubbles. Nurture your inner child.
Start taking steps to regulate your nervous system, like breathwork and yoga. Take some walks, spend time in nature bare foot, and find somebody to talk to. This could be a friend, teacher or counselor. There are free services available if you need them.
And slowly make your exit plans, save some money, get employed, start a new hobby and improve your support system. Starting over might seem scary, but it’s your chance to build something better this time.
So make your plans, breathe in your courage and exhale knowing you’ve got this. Happiness is an inside job, so start there and watch yourself bloom and outgrow your current situation. You deserve more. You are worthy. You are enough.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
Ladies, my posts are for YOU. I spend a good amount of time deleting any unwanted male energy from my profile. So why the sexy images? If you are triggered by these, let me tell you my story.
I was an awkward child, shy and without many friends. If my one and only friend skipped primary school, I would sit alone at break and read my book. I still love reading today, and it has made my journey as an author so much easier too
When I got to high school, I decided a re-brand was in order. I forced myself to come out of my shell, I made as many friends as I could, and I learned how to speak to boys. And you know what happened? The boys liked me too much, and the girls became competitive, bitchy, insecure (let’s face it). Rumours, accusations, even threats of physical violence. Jeez I hated high school! Women are taught at a young age to hate on other women, to slut shame other women, simply because some dude thinks they are pretty or interesting.
I started modelling at 16, mostly to improve my self esteem. My parents did not understand what I was trying to do, “fake it till you make it”, ya know what I mean? So they weren’t very supportive and there was a lot of criticism. My mother would continually tell me that beauty comes from inside. And she was right, of course, in her own way. At the end of the day we need to focus on our inner selves as well. Find a balance, and the path to self appreciation.
But here’s the thing, I got the psychology degree, the 2 kids, the divorce because I didn’t play small. I got the life coaching diploma, the pole dancing studio, the yoga qualifications. As women we need to come back to wholeness. To self love. To balance. Integrating the yin and the yang. Pole dance and burlesque really helped me with self love and appreciation. The kind you can’t get from the outside. From your bored husband or your wandering boyfriend. Yes, beauty is on the inside, and learning self love is the greatest journey you will ever embark on. But woman have been taught to suppress their sensuality, their goddess energy. To bow under the judgement of others and douse their inner fire.
Even as an adult, there is pressure to play it down. But being a safe woman does not mean being a small woman. Be out there, by all means, just don’t take someone else’s husband along for the ride! And ladies, we are here to support each other and Iift each other up. There should not be competition between strong, or wild women. This woman does not need your man. And let’s be real here for a second. You cannot steal a man who is not willing to be stolen, unless you brought your cable ties and duct tape.
Women are not just maidens, mothers, whores, crones. We are ALL of these things. And to be a highly functioning woman, a fully integrated embodiment of the divine feminine, we need to embrace all of these aspects of ourselves. Honour our bodies and our needs in a relationship that sees us in all our aspects, or in our sovereign single state.
So if my posts are provoking an uncomfortable reaction in you, perhaps we could chat about how to integrate these more sensual aspects into your psyche. How to embrace all that you can be, and stop playing small. You are not just somebody’s girlfriend, somebody mother. You are not a washed up ok crone. You are an enchantress, a goddess full of life and love. Do not apologise for your roar, lioness.
I am a life coach and relationship coach. You can book a session on WhatsApp 0833613255
I think one of the best things about getting older is learning to stand my ground. People have often underestimated me in the past, made assumptions about my intelligence or my calm nature.
I have been looked down on as a silly blonde, I have been bullied and often treated with less respect than I deserve. Boundaries trampled and being too nice to say anything about it.
And then something began to change on the inside as I got older…although I still love to please people, make a good impression and get along…I won’t do it at my own personal expense. I think it boils down to finding confidence in my courage, and learning to speak my mind when I feel that I am being bulldozed. It’s about knowing my worth in business and in my personal life. Connecting to my inner fire and caring less about what people think.
Especially people who do not matter or who don’t seem to mind the way they behave towards me. And guess what? Nobody died! In fact people respected me more, or are at least a bit more careful about how they treat me or what they say to me.
So set those boundaries, stand up for yourself and do not entertain toxic people or bullies. They will respect you more for it, or remove themselves from your space.
I can help you stand in your power too. I offer Life coaching and relationship coaching with a special interest in relationships and women empowerment..Wellness coaching too. Appointments: WhatsApp 0833613255
So my partner and I have had a few ‘discussions’ about this….some calmer than others! Some people are not into social media, which can be a problem if one partner is. Your partner might not understand why you are on your phone so much, but it’s not necessarily doom scrolling. Sometimes it’s marketing, or content creation. Or selecting a playlist or googling an article. But if your partner has a different kind of job, one that ends at 5pm, or one where they are not internet based, they might not understand what you are doing on there all the time! It doesn’t mean you are addicted to your phone, as many things can be operated from there. So it’s important to set boundaries with social media, for example no phones after dinner. Your clients can wait till office hours, it’s a healthy boundary to set. Or offer a quick explanation, for example, I’m checking my bank balance so I can recharge the prepaid meter. This should minimise the annoyance your partner might feel about your screen time, imagining you are scrolling rather than spending time with them.
Also, social media breeds comparison, it sets impossible standards that are not real. For example, I get embarassed when I do a birthday post or a gratitude post for my partner when he doesn’t respond. What will people think, is this a one sided relationship? But the truth is he is not on social media much, so I have to tell him to go and look at what I wrote. And if he wants to show me his appreciation he will make me something with his hands, or show up with a chocolate.
Social media is the equivalent of public displays of affection, which we all crave, but that doesn’t make it real, it can be quite the opposite in fact! You see people gushing over their partner and separated the next day. Its performance and not reality.
So set some rules of engagement, some healthy boundaries, and communicate more. It will go a long way in your relationship.
I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. You can book a session with me on WhatsApp 0833613255
There has been a lot of talk about conscious relationships, and one of the key ingredients is the ability to talk about our feelings. And then how to respond without defensiveness.
My partner of 6 years once told me he has never discussed his feelings before in a relationship. Never spoken about sex, or any of the other things that come up for us. He has had 3 long relationships, yet never felt able or challenged to share his feelings. And the sad part is this is true for many men, taught to suppress their feelings.
There are 3 phases in a relationship, and I would like to expand on this concept.
The audition phase. This is where you show up as your best (and most unrealistic) self. A charade that hooks your partner, but is unsustainable. Or rather disintegrates into complacency.
The shadow boxing stage. This is where the love hormones begin to fade and the gremlins come out. Most couples never make it out of this phase, trading up or trading in for another partner. And so the cycle begins again.
The co-creation phase. This is where you learn to heal and respond to each other’s shadows in a constructive way, to build something meaningful that goes beyond the oxytocin, the sex, the anger and resentment. This is where you build a future, co-create a life that you both desire, and create a safe space for each other to express your emotions and design a relationship that elevates both partners to even more growth. Both of these things are not easy to do at first, but will help you grow through the icky phase into a better version of you as a couple.
It may be uncomfortable, it may be hard, but with the right partner it is worth it. So, are you addicted to oxytocin, jumping ship when things get rough…forever chasing that love hormone? Or are you in it for the full rollercoaster ride, and maybe, just maybe, with the right person….you will co-create something beautiful.
WhatsApp bookings for Relationship coaching and life coaching 0833613255
Sometimes rebirth can feel like a death to the ones left behind, yet this cycle is essential for growth, change and happiness.
Yesterday my daughter and new son in law boarded a plane for Australia. We have shared our lives and our home for 22 years. We have built such a beautiful life together, and now a new cycle is beginning. What a brave and wonderful adventure to embark on.
And what a loss for those of us who are left behind. Having a child is like feeling your heart beating outside your body. Living, loving, hurting with no way to keep it safe.
I knew this day would come, and worked tirelessly for a year to make it happen for you. Citizenship Passports Driving lessons Dentists Doctors Wedding plans Packing a life into 3 suitcases.
Perhaps the definition of love is to do things for somebody even though the outcome will hurt you. Learning to surrender to something you cannot control or change. What an experience this life is turning out to be.
The highs The lows The uncertainty
And yet the cycle goes on. Death, rebirth, grief, denial, bargaining, acceptance still loading.
Tam and Lance, I know in my heart you will create a beautiful new life in Australia, full of love, new experiences and adventure. Go and share your magic with the world ✨
I love you both and we will see each other again. This is going to be a lot to get used to, for all of us. Bon voyage ❤️
