Candice Baker Life Coach

Tag: Healing

  • When Is Enough, Enough?

    WHEN IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH?

    Sure, every relationship has its challenges. This can become more highlighted over the holidays, with spending too much time together, or feeling disappointed by a lack of attentiveness over the festive season. But when is enough, enough?
    When does trivial irritation become toxic? There can be a lot of victim blaming at the end of the line, and perhaps both partners become the victim in some way. Some relationships fizzle out peacefully, while others become toxic and explosive.

    And how do we react to these stressors? The truth is that when a relationship becomes toxic or abusive, your body is programmed to protect itself. If you are under verbal or physical attack, you are eventually going to respond, no matter how you may try to stay calm.

    This is because every nervous system has its limits, and once reached something has to give. Whether it’s fight, flight or freeze will depend on your wiring, your trauma and your situation.

    These are automatic, instinctive stress responses that prepare your body to survive a perceived threat, involving physical reactions like increased heart rate (fight/flight) or going still/numb (freeze) as your nervous system mobilizes for action or shutdown. It’s often seen in anxiety or trauma but was once useful in genuine danger. (And still can be).

    More recently another response has been added: Fawning.
    Let me break these down, you’re bound to recognise one in yourself.
    Fight: Preparing to confront the threat, potentially through aggression, arguing, or physical struggle.
    Flight: Instinct to escape or run from the danger by putting distance between yourself and the threat.
    Freeze: Feeling stuck, numb, or unable to move or speak, your body goes rigid, which can help you hide or assess the danger.
    Fawn: Trying to appease or please the threat to avoid conflict, often seen in trauma. 

    When you feel under attack, a number of factors come in to play physiologically.
    -Your amygdala becomes triggered in your brain.
    -Your heart rate and breathing speed up to deliver oxygen for your body to perform at is best.
    -Your muscles tense and prepare for action.
    -Your pupils dilate, hearing sharpens, and peripheral vision increases to assist you.
    -Your blood is redirected to major muscles, making your hands/feet cold and even clammy, and your clotting factors increase. 

    Your body is an incredibly smart survival machine, and this all happens automatically. Although you are unlikely to be chased by a bear these days, it will still be triggered by genuine danger or by non-threatening situations if you have experienced trauma or have anxiety disorders.

    So an argument with your partner can lead to over stimulation and overactivity of the amygdala (that primitive part of your brain that is trying to keep you safe), and set all these physiological responses in motion.

    Perhaps you are being victimised at work?
    You are unlikely to punch your boss in the face, or run out of the boardroom. You are most likely to freeze or fawn. But over time, if the victimisation continues you will probably walk out, or hand in your notice quietly and never go back.

    Perhaps you are in a toxic romantic relationship?
    You might become emotionally distant over time, to guard yourself from the pain being inflicted. Disappear from their DMs, ghost their calls. Or try to outrun the situation by driving somewhere or locking yourself in a bathroom when a conflict escalates in your physical space. (And earn the label of ‘avoidant’, which can also be a form of victim-blaming, but is also a form of self-protection).

    In a family or work or romantic relationship flight is not always an immediate possibility. This could be due to financial reasons or because you are physically being prevented from walking out. And that is when you might freeze, fawn or eventually, fight.

    This is a survival response that is hardwired into your nervous system. It’s intended to protect you from physical harm, but it kicks in for psychological harm too as your blood pumps full of adrenalin. And before you know it, you find yourself cornered and start lashing out like a wild animal. This is called reactive abuse and you are probably going to feel awful about it the next day.

    And although you can’t help it, this is a very damaging response, and you need to know that it’s not your fault. You are not a monster, and you are not the abuser. You are only human, and your nervous system is trying to survive under intense emotional or physical threat.

    If your situationship remains unchanged, over time you might begin to develop CPTSD. This happens if the abuse is ongoing and you cannot get away.
    Complex PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a condition resulting from prolonged or repeated trauma, like chronic abuse or neglect. Verbal and emotional abuse fill this category too.

    The problem with reactive abuse is that it’s very dangerous territory. It shifts you temporarily from victim mode into self-defence, and for a moment your partner will see YOU as the abuser. You might scratch, pull hair, lash out or shove this person in panic or an attempt to make them stop, or to get away from them.

    If you are fortunate, a surprise show of strength might result in your partner backing down, this time. But over time, or perhaps immediately your partner will become more enraged, placing you at a greater risk.

    If your reaction produces an even more extreme reaction in your partner, it will escalate the situation. And they might even use it against you, threaten to video your reaction, or shame you and justify their own behaviour. Perhaps even blackmail you to keep you under their control.

    What is important in these types of relationships is to have an exit plan and start implementing it.
    Tell somebody.
    Speak to somebody about an emergency place to sleep for future incidents.
    File a report.
    Get a restraining order.
    Get a job.
    Start saving.

    In the meantime, there are some other things that you can do to regulate your own nervous system.
    Start by understanding your pattern (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn), this is the key to managing it. Recognise what is triggering you and take steps to avoid it where possible. Give some thought to how you can circumvent or de-escalate the situation from your side by recognising your partner’s triggers. Now, I’m not suggesting you walk on eggshells forever, just until you can make a nice toward safety or work out a better way to respond.

    Start practicing techniques that can carry you through this situation while you are working on your exit plan. Try mindfulness, grounding techniques, exercise, therapy, and self-care can help calm an overactive stress response. Positive visualisation and body talk.
    Ask for help and start taking positive steps to change your situation.
    You deserve a peaceful relationship or environment in which to grow and thrive.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255
    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • The Cracked Mirror

    THE CRACKED MIRROR
    In my business I get to meet so many amazing women.
    Beautiful women.
    Vivacious women.
    Accomplished women.
    Compassionate women.

    And yet…they do not see themselves the way I see them.
    I could edit the most gorgeous photograph of one, poetry in motion. And you know what she will see? Tummy rolls. Like we are programmed to zoom in on our flaws, and disregard the positives.

    Often women fail to see the bigger picture, and get stuck on their imperfections. And it is this habit that erodes our self esteem. We are trained to look for our flaws rather than focus on our strengths. We grow up deflecting compliments and staying humbled by the judgements of others.
    We internalise those judgements until our own inner critic is more brutal than anyone on the outside could ever be.

    I am no different, I even resorted to plastic surgery in my 20’s. Despite the fact that I had so many amazing things going for me, I zeroed in on that one perceived flaw. And what followed was a disastrous sequence of events that affected my self esteem, my finances, my relationship, even my a ability to work.

    What women do not realise is that they’re already the full package. And that the more we recognise our own gifts, the more gratitude and self appreciation will fill our lives and change it’s very course.

    If you believed in yourself, what bold and brave choices might you make?
    How would you make love if you felt beautiful?
    What romantic partner would you seek if you felt worthy?

    The way we see ourselves is what will shape our lives, and this applies to men as well, naturally. But the women…all tangled up in how society expects us to look, it’s a travesty and a tragedy. It’s an added layer of ‘I’m not good enough’ and it can poison your entire life. When I acknowledge the amount of self loathing that women live with, I wonder how they manage to get out of bed in the morning.

    So just for today, start a journal.
    Each morning write in it something you like about yourself.

    Put a post it note on your mirror-“You are beautiful”
    Let’s shift the narrative.
    Let’s change our mindsets.
    We are enough.

    And just for today, do something nice for yourself. A flower on your coffee tray, some bubbles in your bath. Because you are worthy.
    Start a pattern that will change your mindset day by day.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • Menopause Mayhem-Volume One

    MENOPAUSE MAYHEM-VOLUME ONE

    Menopause Mayhem- Volume 1
    For every woman experiencing the train wreck that is menopause, there is the realisation that the information around it does not flow freely. Yes, we all know about rage and mood swings, but there is so much more.
    I’ve been doing some research, and I’ll be sharing it to raise awareness, because I understand how it can feel like you’re going crazy and don’t know why!

    Today’s issue: Sensory Overload
    Did you know that menopause can cause sensory issues? This can lead to heightened sensitivity (sensory overload) or altered sensations like skin prickling, taste/smell changes, and balance problems, largely due to fluctuating estrogen affecting brain chemistry (serotonin, dopamine) and nerve pathways, impacting how you perceive the world. These shifts can make you more sensitive to lights, sounds, textures, and smells, impacting daily coping.

    Here are some common Menopause-Related Sensory Issues:
    Heightened Sensitivity (Overload):
    Your partner has verbal diarrhoea while you’re trying to watch a movie and it’s taking every ounce of self control not to stab him with your dinner fork. Normal stimuli (lights, noises, crowds, textures) can feel overwhelming, triggering panic or needing to escape.

    Altered Skin Sensations: Are your feet on fire, without doing the fire walk your guru says will change your life? You might be experiencing formication (insects crawling), burning, itching, numbness, or tingling (paresthesias).

    Taste & Smell Changes: You used to love mincemeat and now you can’t even cook it without gagging like an adult film star.
    Fluctuations in estrogen can alter your sense of smell and taste, or cause a burning mouth sensation (burning mouth syndrome).

    Balance & Coordination: You tried to catch the cat, went flying out of your bedroom door and impaled your boob on the garden gnome. Changes in the cerebellum, affected by hormones, can lead to dizziness, vertigo, clumsiness, and spatial disorientation.

    Touch Sensitivity: Your forehead is flaking like an old paint job and you have to sit on your hands to stop clawing at your face.
    Skin can become drier and more sensitive, or conversely, responsiveness to touch (even intimate) might decrease.

    Why It Happens:
    -Estrogen Decline: Estrogen influences neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, crucial for mood, cognition, and sensory processing. Lower levels disrupt these pathways, lowering your sensory threshold.
    -Nervous System Impact: Hormonal shifts affect nerve function, potentially increasing pain perception and disrupting sensory input.

    If you have read this and some of these issues have resonated with you, there are some things you can do.
    Now that you know you’re not going crazy, give some thought to how you can adapt to this new and confusing version of you. Recognising these changes are hormonal, not you being “difficult,”is the first step. Try adjusting your environment (dim lights, quiet spaces) to feel more comfortable.

    Seek support from a doctor or therapist, or life coach like me. A menopause coach perhaps, it’s important to speak with somebody who has knowledge of menopause and its symptoms. Women have been gaslit by the medical community for far too long. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can help manage overwhelming feelings, and is such a great life skill to learn in general.

    Start managing underlying factors like getting a hormone test and putting in place a plan to correct them holistically or with HRT. Address stress, sleep, and overall health, as these can worsen sensory issues. Once you’ve realised you’re not the problem and your hormones are betraying you, you can approach these challenges with more insight and patience, and make some key changes to suit this latest version of you. After all, sometimes a little rage is a valid and necessary thing. People pleasing is so last decade. Anyway, this is me signing off because my socks are driving me nuts…

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • Dealing With Grief & Loss

    DEALING WITH GRIEF & LOSS

    Death is a fact if life, and the death of a loved one is something we will all face many times in our lifetime. The only way to recover from loss effectively is to feel the feels, and these come in waves.
    There are some practical things you can do to cope with grief.
    *Remember to take care of yourself, and to allow your emotions to be expressed. *Seek support from a coach or therapist.
    *Make sure you get enough sleep, exercise, and good food .
    *Reach out to loved ones or try journaling.

    It’s ok to feel down, but make time for activities you enjoy. You’ll have to be patient with the process and recognise that grief is a personal journey.

    There are a few phases to grief, so when you recognise them, know this is part of your healing journey, and you will get through them if you allow yourself to feel.
    You might experience denial, anger, bargaining, depression in you way towards acceptance.

    Prioritize your physical health, taking care to have regular, healthy meals and get enough sleep. It’s natural to take some down time, but try to get back into your regular exercise routine as soon as you can. Even if you don’t feel like it, it will support your physical and mental health.
    Structure can provide a sense of stability so try to maintain routines for activities like eating meals, even if it’s difficult.

    Don’t hesitate to see your doctor for check-ups or discuss any new health concerns. Depression is a natural part of the grieving process, and can be even worse if your relationship was complicated. There are natural and pharmaceutical remedies available to you to help you during this time.

    Allow yourself to feel, understanding that grief is a unique and personal process, and it’s okay to experience a wide range of emotions.
    Find healthy ways to express your feelings, such as talking to friends, family, or a counselor. Some people find it helpful to express themselves through physical activity or creative outlets like writing or painting.

    Schedule time to focus on your grief, even if it’s just 20-30 minutes a day. Use this time to sit quietly, write a letter to the person, or look at photos.
    It is healthy to experience positive emotions like joy when remembering happy memories. Allowing yourself to smile or laugh is also a protective response.

    Lean on friends and family for support and company. Let them know when you want to talk about your loved one and accept their offers of help.

    If you are religious or spiritual, spending time with others in your faith community can provide comfort.
    Connecting with others who have experienced a similar loss can be therapeutic and help you feel less alone.

    Remember and honor your loved one. Find ways to commemorate them, such as creating a memory book, taking that trip you planned together, or engaging in an activity they loved.

    Be patient with yourself, accepting that healing takes time. There is no “normal” timetable for grieving, and it’s important to be patient with yourself throughout the process.

    Recognize the difference between grief and depression. If you are concerned about your mental health, it’s important to talk to a professional.

    Grief is a natural response to loss, while depression is a persistent mood disorder. You will notice that grief often comes in waves of intense sadness mixed with positive memories, whereas depression involves a constant, pervasive sadness. In grief, your self-esteem is usually preserved, but in depression, feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing are common.

    Life can be hard, especially when you are dealing with a loss of any kind. This might be a death, a child moving away or a break up. Be kind to yourself and feel all your feels, this is how the healing happens.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted-element by element.”

  • The Scarlet Woman

    Model Candice Storm, Tog Tanya Borchers

    THE SCARLET WOMAN

    You’ve all seen her, or perhaps been her. The woman in the red dress, full red lips, hot red heels.

    It’s so strange how colour can be associated with implied behaviour. Or a certain style of clothing. And that is because as human beings we take mental short cuts. It’s too much trouble to relate to every woman on an individual level, so our brains take a mental short cut and stereotype people. So the woman dressed in red becomes the Scarlet Woman. The easy woman, the prostitute. Or the one dressed in leather, or the one in that mini skirt. The man in the pink shirt must be gay. You know what I mean.

    But here’s the truth. Certainly some women are wearing that red dress (or whatever) for attention. But many are not.
    Some are wearing it because it feels good to wear it. Because red is their colour, or because she feels the lines flatter her body.
    For many woman, dressing in red (or leather, or whatever) is not about you at all. It’s not about men at all.
    It’s about her reclaiming the right to feel good, or wild, or sassy in her own body. It does not make her available. Or if she’s married, it does not mean she is looking for somebody better.
    It means she is looking to better herself.
    (Or if she is married and looking for somebody better, caging her won’t change that)

    There are many reasons a woman might dress in an alluring manner. And most of them have little to do with anybody else.

    *She might be recaliming her sensuality. There are many times in a woman’s life where she might have lost herself along the way. Pregnancy. Motherhood. Your infidelity.
    Phases where she has not had the time or energy to take care of herself. And phases where she has felt an awakening of herself before all the responsibility robbed her of her time or will to feel beautiful.

    * She might have let herself go physically. Bodies come and go, there are periods of self- indulgence, or emotional eating followed by periods of getting her shit together at the gym. And the feeling of accomplishment deserves a celebration.

    *Mentally, periods of grief or loss might shift her focus away from her own health for a time. Depression can really suck everything beautiful out of your life, including your self esteem. And to rise from that and wear something that makes flher feel beautiful is to reclaim her true essence before the trauma ripped it to pieces.

    *Emotionally, she might have been struggling to get out of bed for so long that she forget how to put on her lipstick. Where the tears made her give up on wearing mascara. Times when she forgot how doing her hair and wearing something sassy could be good for her soul.

    *Perhaps she had a partner who tried to keep her small, who told her to fly under the radar or risk being left alone. A toxic relationship or an abusive marriage. And perhaps she began to see that a partner who tries to keep her small does not really have her best interests at heart. Only his own.

    A woman in a red dress (or whatever) does not mean she is searching for something outside of her marriage. Perhaps she is reconnecting with something inside of herself that she lost along the way. Perhaps she decided to ‘fake it till she makes it’ back to her former self. The one with confidence and a twinkle in her eye.

    A woman in a red dress (or whatever) does not mean she is ‘searching’ or ‘selling’. She is a woman who is embodying her inner goddess. One who is expressing herself without fear. One who is growing, rising within her own potential. And this has nothing to do with you, your husband, or even her own partner if she has one.
    Most of the time, it has everything to do with her rebirth.

    And if it is your partner in scarlet, give her the support she needs to grow and shine. As this is also a reflection of your love and light. Nobody wants to live in a cage. Everybody has the need to find their way back to themselves. To express themselves. Nobody does well in captivity. Your partner is far more likely to run away if you continue to cage her, than if you accept that all people deserve to be free. As a man, providing a safe space for her to grow in her power and personal expression is an embodiment of your divine masculine.

    There can be a lot of fear caused by underlying insecurity, which will surface when a woman starts looking after herself, and wearing that sexy dress. That is your projection of your own insecurities onto her, and not a prediction of her behaviour. Policing her wardrobe is not what will keep her faithful to you, and allowing her freedom in what she wears will not be the cause of her running off with somebody new.
    And if she does, it has nothing to do with her outfits and everything to do with the state of your relationship.
    Likewise, slut shaming a sexy lady is not going to stop your husband from lusting after her. Only he can do that.
    Women don’t need another cage. And if that baggy T-shirt is the only thing holding your relationship together, there are bigger problems to solve than what is in her draw.

    A man who understands she is not running away from him, but running towards herself, is a man who understands how to attract his mate, rather than trap her. And in this freedom of choice that you provide lies the power. For everyone. Let her choose you. And in turn, she allows you to choose her, in true freedom.

    There is no other way.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Trial By Fire

    Model: Candice Storm, Tog Ken Lovell

    TRIAL BY FIRE

    We’ve all heard about the witch trials, and I often might make a careless comment about being burned at the stake in a previous lifetime. This is because I am a strong and independent woman, a leader in the field of women empowerment, and quite unapologetically myself. And it was women such as this who were villainized, punished and let’s be blunt…murdered by the patriarchy.

    Shocking, isn’t it?

    But fast forward to 2025, and have things really changed? Or have these sentiments just gone underground?

    It has been called the Witch Wound by some, and patriarchy certainly has a lot to make up for. Their legacy has become a sinister part of the unconscious masculine. An operating system that undermines women in a more covert manner, but threatens them all the same.

    So far in this lifetime I have been threatened thrice by fire;


    The first time it was a man who was living on my property and helping with some building work. He went on to steal my welding machine, my friends welding machine, and we later discovered he stole one from his previous employer as well. So naturally, when I couldn’t recover my welder I told him to leave and changed the locks. And he sent a message to us saying that he hopes I do not like my thatch roof, as it is very flammable. And that he had told his friends about me and how they were very angry. Also, he remarked that he loved me and that we could have been so good together. I sent him a copy of the police report and that was the last I heard of him.

    Then there was the unstable boyfriend. I asked him to leave and he threatened to burn my house down. At what point does mental instability become malice? When does insecurity become criminal? When does I didn’t mean it become inexcusable?

    And then there was the the great psychotic break, where he threatened to set me on fire. Flicking the lighter in front of my face while I refused to engage in the madness. Now I am no victim, and enough is enough, so I pulled him off me by his hair and held his face to the floor till he dropped the lighter. But that moment was truly scarring for me. The post traumatic stress felt debilitating at times, but it only made me more determined to be free to be me.

    The witch wound is a concept referring to the collective, intergenerational trauma passed down from the historical persecution of those accused of witchcraft, particularly during the “Burning Times”. It manifests as a deep-seated fear of expressing one’s authentic self, power, or intuition, leading to issues like self-doubt, silencing one’s voice, and fear of judgment. This inherited trauma can also contribute to the competitiveness among women and a fear of being “too much”.

    So how do we heal the witch wound as women?
    Recognize the source: Your fear and self doubts are not your own to carry, sister. They are not personal failings, but rather echoes of historical trauma.
    Reclaim your voice: Consciously choose to speak your truth and express your beliefs, even when it’s difficult.
    Embrace your power: Allow yourself to be seen and to trust your own inner wisdom and intuition.
    Break the cycle: Heal the wound within yourself to avoid passing the same fears and insecurities on to future generations.

    And as for healing the polar expression of this as a man? Ask yourself why do men feel entitled to control women?
    Why do you feel your actions are justified just because she doesn’t want to be with you anymore?
    Ask yourself if your mother or sister would deserve to date a man just like you?
    Ponder why are you so threatened by a strong feminine archetype?
    Look at how you can heal your past trauma so that you don’t project it onto the women around you.
    Afterall, it’s always been the men wielding the torches.

    All over the world women are burned, maimed and murdered while society looks the other way.
    Women are second class citizens and more at risk of violence from their own partners or admirerers than from complete strangers.

    So perhaps I am lucky to be alive, perhaps I wouldn’t have recieved these threats if I had learned to play small, but that is not the life I wish to live.
    And if being threatened by burning is the price I have to pay for my sovereignty, then why bother, boys?
    I set myself on fire most weekends anyway.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Heart Beats & Drum Beats

    HEART BEATS & DRUM BEATS

    Our neighbours called it mindless noise.

    We called it drumming, healing, celebrating and creating ❤️

    Drumming has many medicinal qualities, just not for the neighbours, apparently 🤣

    It releases dopamine, one of the happy hormones in your body.
    It’s a better anti-depressant than anything you can buy over the counter.
    It synchronises heartbeats and minds, creates a sense of community.
    The drumming and dance is a creative process and good for the soul.
    It releases endorphins, another happy hormone.
    Creating music and dance stimulates the body and mind.
    Earthing with your feet absorbs the energies of the Earth and has many health benefits.
    And finally, both drumming and dance can lead to ecstatic states that transcend the human condition ❤️

    It’s what your neighbours used to do before they became couch potatoes. It’s what your tribe did before the warehouses and factories sucked them into the industrial revolution. It’s a reclamation of our ancestral roots.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Why The Sensual Arts Are Good For Women.

    WHY THE SENSUAL ARTS ARE GOOD FOR WOMEN

    Why do I teach pole, burlesque, the sensual arts?
    I don’t usually post pole dance on my life coaching page, but here is why;

    It makes you strong, oh yes.
    But more importantly it creates a sisterhood. A safe space of non-judgement amongst women, which can be truly rare.
    A space of non-judgement towards yourself, even more rare.

    That pole can be the most beautiful partner. One who is always there to dance with you. Holding you up, teaching you to appreciate your curves.
    Because pole dance or burlesque is not about men. We aren’t waiting for men to define beauty, we are defining it together, for ourselves.

    It’s about women reclaiming their bodies, realising their fat rolls or stretch marks are testament to a unique life in perpetual motion, and part of the whole woman. Still sexy. Still beautiful. The story behind a life well lived. The story behind grief, despair, triumph, reclamation. Sovereignty.

    You don’t have to be 20 and slim to love your body (but if you’re there I hope you do).
    You just need to let yourself feel the motion of your hips, lose yourself in the swing of the music, close your eyes and appreciate the jiggle. Say yes to yourself, to your body, to your sensuality.

    Dancing in ecstacy has no age limit, no waist size, It’s an invitation to let yourself go. To look inwards and feel your womb, feel your power, feel your vulnerability. Feel it all.
    .
    The shift you need isn’t about toning your body.
    It’s about learning how to express ecstasy and love in the body that you showed up in today. The body that carried your children or survived your last relationship disaster. Her. She.

    It’s about choosing you, seeing you, embracing the hot mess and finding beauty in the chaos of your imperfect perfection. It’s about embracing you.

    I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • The Body Bait

    Model: Candice Storm

    THE BODY BAIT

    We live in a society that is becoming more permissive with each passing year. Sex and violence on TV, each MTV video trying to out-do the last one. Women gyrating and tequila flowing.

    Should we try to censor these sexual things? These substances ?
    In certain spaces absolutely.
    In adult spaces, less.
    And in specially designed spaces perhaps not at all.
    Driving something underground does not make it go away, it makes it unregulated…dangerous.

    But what I’m seeing is this dialogue about women inciting lust. That the responsibility of a man’s behaviour lies with the female.
    But woman’s bodies have long been the centre of lust; a woman can wear a burka and still be the object of a man’s fantasy. She could be wearing a stained flannel nightie and still be forced to do sexual things unwillingly. A baby can be wearing a nappy and still be the object of desire to a certain kind of man. A child on the playground, hanging upside down on the jungle gym can fall prey too.
    Similarly a woman who is drunk or high might become the target of a certain type of man. Or a performer on a stage, or sexily dressed females at a club, or a woman simply walking down the road.
    But in all of these situations, lust is in the eye (and heart) of the beholder. The man gets to choose how he responds to these stimuli.

    Some men will gaze at a child with innocent joy, others might love them ‘too much’ an unnatural twisting of the urge for intimacy. Nobody ever raped a baby because it was wearing sexy shoes. Something else was going on in the minds of these men.

    A performer on a stage, or a girl in a sassy outfit is not asking for sex any more than that child is. Men are not animals. We need to stop treating them as such. They have a frontal lobe, they are capable of logical thought and decision making. We need to stop making them out to be illogical beasts burdened with testosterone and desire. Right, guys?

    But some men are predators.
    If a woman is heartbroken, or drunk, she becomes fair game. If she is provocatively dressed, she is keen. And if not she can be rufied. Some men seem to like their women unconscious. This is criminal behaviour and not the responsibility of the woman or child.

    A woman who is under the influence is in danger of being taken advantage of. A man under the influence is not. Will he protect her or become part of the problem?

    My point is this: men are capable of self control, and women (or children) should not need to live in fear of them losing this control.
    Men need to re-think the entitlement they feel towards women’s bodies.
    There are spaces where women can dress in skimpy clothing, like the beach, the stage or a festival, and it does not mean they are inciting lust. It does not mean they are looking for sex. It does not mean they are dressing to impress any man. It’s not about him at all. It’s about her enjoying her body, expressing herself and feeling beautiful.
    And if he is really desperate, he can switch on that adult channel. There are appropriate places he can go to relieve himself. Spaces that are regulated and safe for the men and the consenting women involved.

    We need to stop blaming the victim.
    We need to stop blaming other women for inciting lust.
    We need to start working on why some men feel entitled to take what is not theirs, what is not freely given. And if you’re not sure if it’s been freely given, zip up big boy.
    If she is crying, grieving, sleeping or under the influence, go and whack that pointy thing on the door frame, dude. Safety and intimacy are different to sex. If she is slow dancing with you, or crying in your shoulder, that is not consent, it’s vulnerability. Be a good guy.

    Women do not incite lust, and most men can appreciate a woman while still keeping it in their pants. If you’re not one of them, you need to re-think the your ideas about women and their bodies. And if you’re a woman who believes a victim is responsible for the crime, you need to examine your thoughts too.

    We live in a society where women need to be protected from men, and that is a huge problem.
    Men are not animals.
    But if they choose to behave like one, the consequences should be harsh.
    Self control and rational thought are what make us human, and humanity has a long way to go.

    So stop the slut shaming and start asking why women are being policed and blamed for crimes committed by predators. Our bodies are sovereign, and women alone have the rights to them.

    I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • The Modern Day Witch Trials

    THE MODERN DAY WITCH TRIALS

    So we made it through the witch trials, women of power and healing burned at the stake. Naturopaths, herbalists, midwives, all a threat to the patriarchy and all sentenced to death. Women collaborating against women, pointing fingers away from themselves in fear. Too much water in the well, must be a witch. Not enough crop growth, must be a witch. The theme of too little or too much playing out through the centuries. Wise women persecuted by men, wild women persecuted by women. The only path to safety embodied in the mundane. Women learned that there is shelter in mediocrity.

    But has it really changed? Or are the underlying thought patterns of control and fear still there? Women are still being policed, their wings still clipped, their power still stolen from them. And it starts at school. If you were around in the eighties, you would remember the school panty inspection. Oh yes, the panty police was a thing. We had to lift up our skirts to check whether we were wearing the regulation school brookie. Apart from the gross privacy violation, there was this idea that boys could not control themselves, so the girls had to be strictly controlled instead.And this idea persists today.

    Not much has changed in this new century. Enter the year 2015 and girls get picked out in front of the whole class for wearing black bras. Aside from the fact that black actually shows through less than white, she must be some kind of scarlet woman to be wearing such a colour under her clothing. And to discuss the colour of her underwear in front of an entire class of boys, to embarass her and violate her rights in such a public way is inexcusable. Women victimizing girls.

    Women’s bodies have always fallen under the control of others. Owned by the patriarchy and not themselves. Wrinkled old men deciding on women’s rights to this day in first world countries. Persecution by the gusset Gestapo should your stocking be showing. Women not allowed into temples. Women banned from holy places when they are bleeding and considered unclean. It seems even periods are policed. The vilification of the yoni has continued through the centuries, because to acknowledge the opposite would be to acknowledge the power of women.

    As a dance instructor I have recieved so many comments about outfits that show too much, yet every private part is covered. Do a split in a tutu and you are a graceful and gifted ballerina. Do a split on the pole in hot pants and everybody loses their minds. Asking a dancer to cover up is like asking Chad le Clos to swim in baggies, it cannot be done. It shouldn’t be done. It restricts movement in impossible ways, and ruins the aeathetic. Oh how society loves to brand a woman in scarlet, for nothing more than what could be implied in their minds. Because it was what was in your mind that was inciting lust, while everyone else was appreciating her beautiful long legged splits.

    Perform in a magnificent set of fire wings, with fire fans, in an outfit layered white hotpants, white miniskirt, long white lace skirt surrounded by 20 flames. A stunt requiring courage, experience and risk management. But there is always one who will be horrified that the dancers were showing their vaginas to the crowd.
    The one with the x-ray vision, who could see their lady parts through 3 layers of clothing, in the dark. My what a rich and vivid imagination she must have. A vision so sharp that she could not see the fire, not appreciate the show, not zoom out or away from that place between their thighs. I suspect another 3 layers would have made little difference to such a piercing and judgemental gaze.

    So there the dancer is, performing magnificent stunts with her body requiring years of blood /sweat/tears, all her efforts reduced to flashing her imagined genitalia. A total denigration of talent into filth by a tormented psyche. Are your glasses tinted by roses or filth?
    A vagina lurking under every rock ready to pounce.
    A fear, bred into women over the centuries. A threat wielded by the patriarchy to keep the feminine form covered.

    2000 years later and the woman will still be burned at the stake. Acid thrown on her face for rejecting a male suitor. Forced to marry her rapist to restore her honour. Child brides for paedophiles.

    Surely we have more important things to worry about than the implied shape of a woman’s body? Surely in this era women deserve the same freedom as their male counterparts? We may joke about a Speedo, or a mankind, but is it vilified? Nope. Whilst the shadow of a yoni or a breast is shamed in public but praised in private. Bought, sold, stolen. But never to be given for free without shame.

    Perhaps our focus should be on creating a safe space for freedom.
    Freedom of expression.
    Freedom of choice.
    Freedom from policing the bodies of women.

    Women reclaiming their power, their creative force, the sacredness of their inner temple. Their yoni, the spark of life, the sacred feminine within. Women supporting women and men creating safety. Remembering the goddess within, holding ourselves in high regard, and not shrinking into shame. Because our bodies are not shameful, they are worthy of respect and admiration.

    No, the yoni is not the divine feminine, the goddess is, and she lives within each of us. Within our yoni, within our womb, within our hearts, our minds, our souls. And she demands respect.

    Let’s bleed out the poison and grow a community of respect and sovereignty, not fear, together.

    I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255