I have had complete strangers attack me on Facebook, simply because I wore a dress with a plunging neckline. ‘eeeuw, put those away’ ‘get a boob job’ ‘ou tannie het mooi tiette’ (Old aunty has nice tits)
I’ve been called sour milk, told I have a high opinion of myself, and that I’m going to hell for tattooing my body. But also gorgeous, beautiful and some other lovely words.
So which is it?
Do I need a boob job ur do I have nice tits? Do I look hot or like an old lady? The answer is: their opinion doesn’t matter. (And also being ‘hot’ does not have an age limit.)
I admit I allowed these men to get under my skin, I am only human. But yes, these comments designed to degrade women are telling us who they are. Not who we are.
They know exactly how to hit you where it hurts…your age, your boobs…and this is exactly why women spend so much on aesthetics. Because we buy into this mysoginistic model that a woman’s worth is tied to her age and her looks.
As women, we need to somehow not take it to heart. And that can be the work of a lifetime. Letting go of trying to please people with our looks. Even trying to please other women with how we dress. And of course, trying to please ourselves too, as we are so super-critical of how we look.
So…why do we care what complete strangers think anyway? I can’t answer that one clearly yet, but it does still affect me, and it’s something I am working through.
Likewise, even the people you know and care about do not get to decide your value. Not your family, not your friends, and definitely not your romantic partner. As women, we need to get to that point where only we can do that for ourselves.
Wear a pretty dress with a plunging neckline or whatever because it makes us feel good. And to hell with what other people, who seem to believe we are dressing for them, think.
You are brave and beautiful in your own unique way. You have survived being overlooked, insulted, judged… and you are right when you realise that only you get to decide your worth.
I am a holistic life coach & wellness coach, registered traditional doctor with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
“Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”
Image by Ken Lovell,
Model Mermaid Storm
THE EMOTIONAL SABOTEUR
Have you ever felt embarassed when someone treated you badly, as if there was something wrong with you? Kept quiet when a lover cheated or abused you, as if this was a reflection of yourself worth?
When we outsource our self worth to others, even those who barely know us, we fall into the trap of believing that their opinion of us is what defines us. That their treatment of us is a reflection of who we are. It isn’t… It’s a reflection of who they are.
You feel like the idiot for trusting them. When in fact you are not responsible for their actions.
You will doubt yourself, taking to heart the opinion of somebody who actually doesn’t know you very well. Ignoring the fact that it serves them to belittle you, and that is not a reflection of your worth.
Perhaps your relationship is going nowhere, you are being treated as a place holder until your upgrade comes along. And somehow this makes you believe that you don’t deserve better. That you can turn bread crumbs into a meal. Forgetting that you are already a 3 course gourmet feast.
And then the self discovery starts. You begin to ask the right questions and discover you aren’t too much. You aren’t too sensitive or too needy. You are exactly who you know you are.
And when this shift happens, you take your power back. I’m not talking about the girly pep talk in the bar, or that nice chick in the bathroom who shared her eyeliner and told you you were pretty…I’m talking about the moment you start believing it. No more doubt, pure embodiment of your true nature. Pure self acceptance. Pure self love. Warts and all. Not perfect, but aware of your worth.
That’s when you stop taking shit. That’s when you no longer give AF.
As long as you believe the idea that others have of you. ..as long as you take those heated words to heart…you are outsourcing your self image to others. Others who do not have the best intentions for you. People who want you to fall in to their plan for you, regardless of whether this actually benefits you.
So next time somebody lies to you, cheats you, insults you or sabotages you…take note and act accordingly. No need to return the favour. That is still giving them your energy. Simply withdraw it.
Maintain your integrity. Protect your self esteem, not theirs. Step back and find your tribe. There are people who will value you above what you have to offer them. Walk away from those who are not good for your peace. Walk away from those who make you doubt yourself. It hurts when you realise that some people only loved the useful and convenient version of you. People who disappear the moment you ask for something real, or turn on you when the going gets tough.
Believe me, I’ve let random men on Facebook get under my skin with their personal comments, as if they themselves look like Brad Pitt. But why? These are strangers letting their issues play out on my newsfeed. Mostly men who should know better and be embarassed by their own behaviour.
I’ve been there, watching someone undermine me and damage my career and reputation due to female competition. It was one of the most traumatic phases I have lived. But here’s the thing…who is going to believe them? Only the ones who were never in your corner to begin with. Only the ones who don’t care enough to ask questions. It’s no loss. It’s actually the trash taking itself out.
Surround yourself with people who admire and believe in you. Even when you don’t believe it yourself. Aspire to get there and they will cheer you along.
Remember, if somebody is pulling you down, it is because they are already beneath you. What they do to you is not who you are. What they say about you does not define you. Only you can do that.
Centre yourself so that the actions and words of others don’t shake your core. Take a few deep breaths and let it go. Create some distance to gain perspective. Because only you get to decide who you are. Who has access to you. Who you give power to. And this kind of unshakeable peace is the ultimate freedom.
I am a holistic life coach & wellness coach, registered traditional doctor with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
“Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”
#ME TOO
There is a lot of media attention on Sexual Assault lately and I would like to add my voice to this.
Me Too.
I was in a hotel room alone in Zimbabwe, on a charter flight for the airline I was working for. I had just gotten out of the bath after a long day on my feet and was swathed in a fluffy hotel gown. I sat on the bed, made a cup of tea and decided to call home, as I was missing my husband.
I struggled to make the international call, so I called the reception and they said they would send someone up to assist with the dial out and international codes.
I can almost hear every woman reading this holding their breath, anticipating the worst. I opened the door and a Zimbabwean male was standing there. I greeted him in a friendly manner and he grabbed me. He smiled at me, kissed me and got his hands under my gown.
I pulled away in shock and asked him to fix my dialling issue and leave. So he backed off, fixed the dialling issue and left. The atmosphere was thick with tension and I can almost feel every woman reading this exhale. Situation handled.
A number of things happened here which I would like to reflect on.
My first thought was that I was ‘lucky’ He stopped when I pulled away. I didn’t get 🍇. What a travesty that women are taught to consider themselves lucky for not being 🍇
He respected my NO, even though he crossed a boundary to begin with and disrespected my politeness. He was possibly confused by my attire. I found myself making excuses for HIS behaviour. For the fantasy that was playing out in his head. For the porn he was probably watching.
Further along this thought process was, ‘I should have changed out of the gown.’ Really? Aside from the fact that a gown pretty much covers you from neck to toe? I should have climbed out of the bath and put on my airline uniform in order make a call in my own room. And then taken it off again to go to bed. Ridiculous and only something a woman would ever have to think about.
And then we come to the entitlement that some men feel towards womans bodies. He came to my room on a work errand. Saw a pretty lady in a gown and instantly assumed this was a booty call. No pleasantries, just launched into a grope-fest with zero consent.
And the worst part? My nervous system went into freeze mode. I didn’t kick him out. I didn’t rage. I didn’t even report the incident. After he did this, I was even more desperate to phone home, so I still asked him to sort out the dial codes before he left. Which he did, thankfully leaving after with no further incident. (There we go again with the gratitude. What the actual f#$!) The truth is I put myself at even greater risk, just because I was desperate to phone home.
I have noticed that my memory is very cloudy about this incident. Partly because it was a long time ago, when hotel rooms still had phones. Before WhatsApp calls were a thing. But every trauma I have faced has become very hazy. It’s a defence mechanism. If I had been asked to testify, it would have been a problem. And this is something many victims face in a courtroom. A lack of memory for details. Something used to discredit them.
In writing this piece, I have become painfully aware of how many excuses I made for this man. Just the way society had taught me to. Right down to the self blame regarding what I was wearing.
I would have handled it differently this time, with more rage and consequence. I would have shouted at him, shoved him and called his manager. It probably would have backfired right there in the room with a now angry man.
I have also returned from parties twice with no memory. Luckily with friends and partners who were safe. (There we go again with the gratitude for not being drugged and sexually assaulted.) Although now that the Motherless site has been exposed it might not be possible for a woman to know, I could have been assaulted by a partner. I do not believe any of my partners were ‘into’ having sex with unconscious women, but then who does?
As a society we need to do better. We need to create a world where women are safe and criminal behaviour is policed. A world where men’s entitlement is corrected rather than the woman’s attire. Victim blaming is an empty arguement, women have been assaulted in their tracksuits and babies don’t own sexy outfits.
It’s time to lay the blame where it belongs and teach our boys differently. It’s time to police the perpetrators and not the victims.
And if you find yourself justifying any of this kind of behaviour, if you find yourself thinking ‘at least she wasn’t 🍇’, it’s time to look inward to the values you have unconsciously integrated.
It’s time to do better.
And if you’re a man reading this and you have a #MeToo story, my sympathies go out to you. Sexual assault works both ways but this post is not about your experience, it’s about mine.
I am a holistic life coach & wellness coach, registered traditional doctor with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
“Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”
POLARITY ISN’T PROGRESS
Polarity is a reaction to feminism. A reset for the idea that a woman can (and should) do everything by herself. There is a lot of talk on the Internet about polarity, especially in the Manosphere. This concept of how a woman should think and act does not take into account personal traits and preferences. What she should expect from her life, what her role is in society applies a blanket rule for all.
And how alpha /real men are providers, again ignoring personality types and individual differences. Hell, half the men I’ve seen online are in their princess era! Some are body builders and some wear makeup, and some do both. When you try to squeeze an entire gender into one small box, it all gets really toxic really fast.
Everybody is different, we are all unique individuals, yes…even the ‘females’, as the Manosphere likes to refer to us as. There is no one-size-fits-all in human relationships or psychology. Not even from an evolutionary or cultural perspective, where some societies are matriarchal and some are patriarchal. Where Amazon’s were warriors and men were subservient while other societies cast women into the submissive role.
So let’s turn gender bias on its ass for a second. Some women like to provide, and some men like to stay at home and take care of the family. Some women are body builders and some men are ultra-fem. And that’s ok! Women are gender policed because they are too strong, too muscular, too independent. Or too sexy, too promiscuous, too independant. Men are policed too, because they are too soft, too feminine, too simp, too homo, too alpha.
While men are encouraged to integrate their feminine side in some circles, women who embrace their masculine side are criticised in others. We are called bitch, butch, scary, liberated. They are called conscious, enlightened, or homo. It depends who you ask.
How about we take each person as an individual, in a world where variety is interesting and even entertaining? Calling a strong woman butch or a soft man a simp is a form of bullying I have encountered a few times in my life, and I found it to be really upsetting.
After some thought and some insightful chats to other strong women, I have come to realize something I already knew on an intellectual level. I just needed to remove the emotional sting. Return the energy to sender. Accept and love the path that I have chosen, or change it for my own reasons.
*At the end of the day, we should all be striving to integrate elements of our opposite gender to be better balanced humans. *People who shame others are doing it out of their own insecurities. *Body shaming is just a form of gender stereotyping and bullying, don’t ever feel the need to fit into anybody’s mould. *Rise above comments that do not deserve a response. *People who are trying to pull you down are already below you.
Let’s pack away these ridiculous boxes and try to not be kak humans, ok?
I am a holistic life coach & wellness coach, registered traditional doctor with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
“Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”
Image by Ken Lovell, Model Mermaid Storm
GODDESS RISING
The Goddess Was Never Pure. Somewhere along the way, a woman’s worth became entangled with the idea of purity. Untouched. Unclaimed. Unmarked. But if we look back—before modern shame, before rigid moral codes, before the policing of women’s bodies—we find something radically different. We find goddesses, and they were never pure. They were sensual, desiring, expressive, embodied. They loved deeply, often, and freely. Their sexuality was not a stain on their divinity—it was an extension of it. It was creative force. It was life itself. The ancient feminine was not revered for restraint. She was revered for power. She was the lover and the creator. The seductress and the destroyer. The one who felt everything and withheld nothing. She was whole.
The Invention of “Purity” Purity, as we understand it today, is not an ancient truth. It is a social construct—one that emerged as systems of control over women’s bodies became more rigid. A woman’s sexuality became something to regulate. To contain. To measure. Her value became tied to what she had not done, rather than who she was. Virginity became currency. Modesty became morality. Desire became danger. And slowly, the narrative shifted: From “She is divine because she embodies life” To “She is worthy only if she remains untouched.”
The Modern Contradiction. Today, women live inside a paradox. Their bodies are everywhere—advertised, stylized, filtered, sold. Sexuality is used to market everything from perfume to protein shakes. Entire industries are built on the consumption of the female form. And yet- The same woman who is desired can be diminished. The woman who expresses her sexuality openly can be judged. The woman who profits from her body can be dehumanized. She is told: Be desirable, but not experienced. Be sexy, but not sexual. Be wanted, but not wanting. And if she crosses that invisible line—if she owns her desire instead of performing it—her worth is questioned.
The Goddess in the “Impure” What if we rejected this entirely? What if we remembered that a woman does not lose her divinity through experience? That her body is not something that can be “used up”? That desire does not diminish her—it animates her? A woman who has loved many times is not less sacred. A woman who has explored her sexuality is not less worthy. A woman working within the sex trade is not less human, less deserving of dignity, less divine. She is still a body that feels. A heart that knows. A soul that exists beyond the projections placed upon her.
Reclaiming the Sacred Body To see yourself as a goddess is not about perfection, it’s about modern feminism. It is not about purity. It is about sovereignty. It is about returning to the truth that your body is yours—not a moral scoreboard, not a commodity for judgment, not a thing to be ranked or reduced. Your body is an instrument of experience. A vessel of sensation. A living expression of life force. And life force does not ask for permission to be worthy.
Before shame was taught, pleasure was natural. Before bodies were controlled, they were celebrated. Before purity was demanded, women were simply… powerful. This is not about rejecting sexuality. It is about reclaiming it from systems that distort it. It is about seeing yourself—not through the lens of judgment—but through the ancient remembering: That the goddess was never untouched. She was alive. And that aliveness is your birthright.
I am a life coach, relationship coach and registered traditional doctor. You can send me a WhatsApp to book a session with me. 083 263 5569
What is Yoga Nidra? Yoga Nidra, or “yogic sleep,” is a guided meditation practice that induces profound relaxation and conscious rest, bringing the body into a state between waking and sleeping. Performed lying down (usually in Savasana), it uses body scans and breath awareness to soothe the nervous system and reduce stress, offering deep restoration.
There is science to back the use of yoga Nidra. As my voice guides the brain from active beta waves into deep relaxation states, you will start producing alpha and theta waves, and sometimes delta waves while maintaining conscious awareness. This state, often called “yogic sleep,” bridges the conscious and unconscious mind, fostering deep healing, stress reduction, and mental clarity.
You will experience deep relaxation: Yoga Nidra will reduce your stress, anxiety, and improve the quality of your sleep by calming the nervous system by activating the parasympathetic mode. The technique is simple and non-invasive. The practice involves lying down and following my voice as I give calm instructions, which often include setting an intention (Sankalpa), rotating awareness through different body parts, and observing your breath.
Yoga Nidra is suitable for all physical abilities as it is a restful, often silent practice performed lying down. Known as “non-sleep deep rest” (NSDR), it can act as a powerful tool for recovering energy, reducing physical tension, and aiding emotional regulation.
Sessions can range from short 10-minute “quick boosts” to longer, hour-long sessions. Yoga Nidra allows individuals to enter a state of dreamless sleep or conscious rest, aiding in physical and mental healing.
While you are lying on the mat, Yoga Nidra will begin to alter your brainwaves. You will start in beta. These are your active/waking brain waves the starting state of active thinking and alertness. As practice begins your brain waves slow, fostering calm, light relaxation and creativity as you enter alpha state, which is a relaxed state. Next comes theta brain waves, a sign of deep relaxation leading to your subconscious. The brain enters deep meditation, connecting with subconscious insights, emotions, and vivid imagery. Lastly, your mind will enter the delta state, where restorative sleep-like sensations will flood your body. These are the slowest brain waves, associated with restorative rest, cellular healing, and decreased cortisol, which we strive to achieve while staying awake.
This is why yoga Nidra is likened to conscious sleep, unlike normal sleep, it allows practitioners to experience delta waves while remaining aware. The transition to slower brain waves reduces cortisol and promotes profound nervous system healing and stress reduction.
Regular practice is associated with better sleep quality, reduced stress, and increased creativity all of which will improve your health.
I offer yoga Nidra Meditations every Monday at 9.30am at The Goddess Foundation in Benoni. You can also keep an eye out for my next community event, which is donation based. Events are listed on my Social Media & Zero Gravity Yoga
WhatsApp inquiries 0833613255
HOW THE 777 RULE CAN SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
How the 777 Rule can save your relationship 💓
Most relationships go through difficult patches, uninspired patches, emotional lows. The 777 rule is a relationship framework designed to keep marriages or long-term partnerships strong by prioritizing intentional quality time.
So if you’re feeling unexcited, uninspired or disconnected from your partner, why not try the 777 rule? The first step is to have a discussion about it to avoid disappointment and make sure you’re on the same page. Be honest about your feelings and needs, the room mate phase can be brutal if one of you is feeling rejected or unappreciated.
It consists of three habits: Every 7 days have a date night Every 7 weeks take a night away Every 7 months plan a romantic getaway. This structure helps couples reconnect, break routines, and maintain intimacy.
Core Components of the 777 Rule: Every 7 Days (Date Night): Regular, uninterrupted time together. It does not need to be expensive or out of the house; it can be a “table time” chat, a movie night, or a meal without distractions.
Every 7 Weeks (Overnight Trip): A mini-getaway such as a night in a local hotel or a weekend camping trip, to step away from daily responsibilities.
Every 7 Months (Vacation): A more extended trip to focus entirely on each other, providing a deeper chance for connection, adventure, or relaxation.
The 777 rule tackles the lack of time that can cause relationships to fade by making togetherness a consistent, scheduled priority. It also gives the male partner the opportunity to take the lead in building intimacy in the relationship, something the woman usually craves and reaches for.
It is designed to be flexible, focusing on the intention of connecting, rather than strict, expensive, or complex plans. Quality time which can encourage a deeper connection emotionally and physically.
Above all else, keep the lines of communication open. Make sure you are both on board, it can be very disappointing if your partner fails to follow through on date night. Perhaps discuss taking turns to ‘treat’ one another. A lack of quality time is one of the easiest things to repair if both of you are willing, and it will bring great rewards to your relationship.
I am a holistic Life Coach, traditional Doctor and Relationship Coach. Get in touch with me to book a session on my WhatsApp line. +27 83 263 5569
“Your most inspired life is crafted element by element”
PRACTICAL STEPS TO MAKE YOUR WIFE FEEL SEEN.
There has been a shift in mindset, when it comes to how a man should show up in a marriage or partnership. The old view was to work hard to provide money. But with women also working, the dynamic in a dual income home has shifted towards the quality of your interactions. The new view center’s around working hard to provide financially, but also to provide emotional safety and offer personal time and energy at home.
A working man can show effort for his wife by focusing on proactive partnership, consistent communication, and intentional presence, rather than relying solely on financial provision. True effort involves alleviating her mental and physical load through shared household responsibilities, consistent emotional support, and small, daily acts of kindness that show she is a priority. Many women are living in survival mode, and their nervous system requires a soft place to emotionally relax.
Proactive Shared Responsibility. Instead of “helping” as if the home is her responsibility, take ownership of chores. -Anticipate Needs: Tackle tasks without being asked, such as washing dishes, doing laundry, or taking out the trash, especially if you notice she is overwhelmed. -Manage the “Mental Load”: Take initiative on tasks like scheduling appointments, planning family events, or managing finances. -Cook or Handle Meals: Actively take over cooking or meal preparation to give her a break, and clean up after. -Daily Maintenance: Clean up after yourself immediately to prevent the buildup of clutter.
Emotional Presence and Support -Show that you are her teammate in life, not just a visitor in the home. -Active Listening: Listen attentively without offering immediate solutions. Truly hear her worries and frustrations to help her feel heard and valued. If she has a meltdown try to be curious rather than defensive.
-Decision making: Do not dominate your wife with your opinions, rather leave room for collaboration and hear her out. She has opinions and ideas too that need compromise. -Appreciation & Gratitude: Express appreciation daily for her efforts in the home, in her career, or as a mother. A simple “thank you” or “you are amazing” has profound effects. -Quality Connection: Create a screen-free “reunion” when you return home to reconnect properly. TV and phones block interpersonal communication. -Support Her Goals: Encourage her passions, hobbies, and career goals, making her personal growth a priority in your shared life. Do not talk down to her or criticise her goals and performance. -Respect her in public and private: Be mindful of showing respect and appreciation, especially in front of friends or family, which protects her dignity.
Small, Consistent Gestures of Affection. -Small acts of care are more effective than sporadic grand gestures. -Thoughtful Notes/Texts: Send messages during the day just to say you are thinking of her. -Daily Touch: A warm hug, holding hands, or a passionate kiss upon returning home can diminish stress and increase your connection . Make sure you understand what her needs are in the bedroom, and then follow through. -Unprompted Kindness: Bring home her favorite treat, flowers, or a small gift “just because”. Introduce activities that strengthen your emotional bond and bring you closer together to make sexual intimacy pleasurable. Such as a slow dance in the kitchen or sharing a bath.
Active Fatherhood -If you have children, being an active father is one of the highest forms of effort for your wife. -Share Childcare: Be proactive in feeding, bathing, and playing with children, allowing her to have time to rest. -Teach and Play: Engage with the children rather than leaving the responsibility of parenting entirely to her
Scheduling Intentional Time -As a working man, you must fight to create space for your relationship. Romance should not stop when you live together. You could try the 777 rule, it’s a relationship-strengthening framework designed to ensure consistent, intentional time together. It suggests a date night every 7 days, a romantic overnight getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer vacation every 7 months. This structure fosters intimacy and prevents routine and stress from eroding the bond.
Self-Care -Prioritize well-being: Maintain your own physical and mental health to be fully present and supportive in your relationship. A healthy partner makes for a better partner. Pay attention to your grooming, go to the gym and keep on top of your dentist and doctor appointments.
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
“Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”
PRACTICAL STEPS TO MAKE YOUR HUSBAND FEEL SEEN
For a working woman, the effort she makes for her husband in a modern marriage has shifted away from chores and servitude, to center more on partnership, empathy, and maintaining a nurturing connection. Rather than outdated notions of servitude, a dual-career household requires the focus to be on proactive communication, emotional support, and quality time over sheer physical labor. Here are the types of effort that strengthen a marriage when both spouses work:
Nurturing the Emotional Connection -Active Listening & Empathy: Create a safe space for him to discuss his day without fear of judgment. Listen to understand his stresses rather than to immediately respond. But put a limit on it to not poison the whole evening with a kind gesture or distraction. -Show Appreciation and Validation: Regularly thank him and acknowledge his efforts to provide and care for the family, which boosts his confidence. -Be a Team Player: Approach life’s challenges together, ensuring you are aligned on goals and values, viewing a “win” for one as a win for the team.
Proactive Communication and Support -Express Needs Clearly: Communicate your needs and desires directly instead of expecting him to guess, reducing misunderstandings. -Support His Goals: Champion his dreams and aspirations, offering encouragement when he feels demotivated. -Respect Him in Public: Be mindful of showing respect and appreciation, especially in front of friends or family, which protects his dignity.
Fostering Intimacy and Togetherness. -Prioritize Quality Time: Dedicate time, such as a weekly date night, to connect and have fun together, keeping the romance alive. -Maintain Physical Intimacy: Understand and address the importance of intimacy in the relationship. This does not refer only to sexual intimacy, but to activities that strengthen your emotional bond and bring you closer together to make this possible. -Small Gestures of Love: Leave notes, surprise him with a favorite meal, or offer acts of service that show you are thinking of him.
Efficient Household Partnership. -Shared Responsibilities: Work together to assign clear tasks for cooking, cleaning, and managing finances, rather than trying to do everything alone. -Flexibility During Tough Times: Offer grace and support, particularly when the other is having a difficult week. -Set Boundaries for Work: Agree on rules like “no business talk at dinner” to ensure your home remains a place of rest rather than an extension of the office.
Self-Care. -Prioritize well-being: Work can be hectic, but make time to maintain your own physical and mental health. This will help you to be fully present and supportive, while feeling good within yourself. A healthy partner makes for a better partner, so make time for exercise and self-care.
Ultimately, the best effort is one that fosters love, respect, and a “team-first” mentality, rather than merely balancing chores. The first step is simply to be kind to one another.
I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment. T/DR Candice Baker 00013133614 You can book a session with me on WhatsApp +0027833613255
MENOPAUSE MAYHEM VOLUME 3: WHEN DID INSULIN BECOME THE ENEMY?
Ok, these fans might be overkill for hot flashes, but I’m sure every woman over 50 wishes they would fit in her handbag! :
Have you noticed that your eating plans stopped working, and that spare tyre is growing? Here is some advice based on the fight between oestrogen and insulin in your body right now.
Eat 3 protein meals per day instead of 5. Even it used to work for, it might not anymore. This is because as oestrogen maintains insulin sensitivity, and as it drops, women can become insulin resistant.
Not only might your go-to meal plan stop working…it might actually be sabotaging you. This is because the peri/menopause hormonal shift triggers increased abdominal (visceral) fat storage, reduced metabolic rate, and higher, harder-to-manage blood sugar levels. These changes, often compounded by poor sleep, make cells less responsive to insulin.
Eating 3 times daily will spike your insulin 3 times, instead of 5. So, if you’re feeling like you need a chocolate, have it straight after a meal instead of as a separate snack for the same reasons.
Quit the shakes and have a smoothie instead. Amino acids in protein shakes, particularly whey protein, primarily cause a significant spike in insulin. Protein shakes, especially whey, are highly insulinotropic, meaning they stimulate the pancreas to release insulin. A homemade smoothie can be a better option for avoiding insulin spikes than a typical shake, but only if it is designed with high fiber, healthy fats, and protein, and is low in sugar. Hint: skip the fruit juice.
Heart rate Your heart rate can spike your cortisol levels in peri/ menopause, with your oestrogen on an extended vacation. The ideal formula is to subtract your age from 180, to give you a ceiling in beats per minute. The best exercises for menopause combine strength training (lifting weights, bands) to build bone density and reverse muscle loss, with cardiovascular exercise (HIIT, walking, cycling) to manage weight and heart health. Just keep an eye on your heart rate to prevent cortisol from flooding your system. Recommended routines include 2.5 hours of moderate activity weekly, incorporating yoga for stress reduction and mobility.
Fiber To reduce bloating, add more fiber to your meals with a sprinkle of psyllium husk, especially if you’re eating pasta or a smoothie that is low on fibre.
Tonics Try Black Cohosh (hot flushes, night sweats) and Dandelion (white tongue, liver detox) Or Milk Thistle (inflammation) and Chastree/Agnus Castus (Hormone imbalances)
I am a wellness coach, traditional doctor and life coach based in Johannesburg. You can send me a WhatsApp to book an appointment on +27833613255
“Your most aligned life is crafted, element by element”
