Candice Baker Life Coach

Tag: Stress

  • Menopause Mayhem- Volume 2: Homicidal Rage.

    MENOPAUSE MAYHEM VOLUME 2: HOMICIDAL RAGE

    Now everybody gets a little cross from time to time. Sometimes even for no reason, and that is a fine and human thing. But what happens when your oestrogen bottoms out, your progesterone is in decline and those well worn dopamine channels run dry?

    Aside from developing a dark sense of humour and dry wit, your people pleasing seems to wither away and is replaced with an undeniable urge to slap people!

    Rage during menopause is caused by fluctuating hormones (estrogen, progesterone, testosterone) impacting brain chemicals like serotonin, leading to mood instability. Combine this with physical symptoms like sleep loss, hot flashes, and stress, and your irritability is going to go through the roof. That shopping list that your partner keeps leaving in the kitchen is likely to get stapled to his forehead, whereas the old you would have sent a photo on WhatsApp or just gone to the shops yourself.

    Emotional sensitivity is increased too when these hormones wobble or bottom out completely, creating a difficult situational cycle for everyone to endure. Estrogen changes affect mood-regulating brain areas and neurotransmitters, while increased cortisol from stress further fuels anger, making everyday triggers feel overwhelming. And lets not even talk about what the damn cortisol is doing to your previously slim waistline…

    The Chemical Cascade explained.
    Estrogen and Serotonin: Declining estrogen levels disrupt serotonin, a “happy chemical” that regulates mood, leading to irritability and anger. This is why you are far more likely to tell people what you really think these days. No more sugar coating anything (because you probably are it all at midnight)
    Hormonal Rollercoaster: The fluctuating, rather than steady, decline of hormones makes mood swings unpredictable, similar to puberty. Things you used to brush off are suddenly wildly irritating. And although it’s great to hold people accountable for their misdeeds, murder is probably going a step too far!
    Cortisol & Stress: Menopause can heighten the stress response, increasing cortisol (the stress hormone), which amplifies irritability and emotional sensitivity, making it harder to cope.
    Neurotransmitter Imbalance: Reduced estrogen also lowers GABA, a calming neurotransmitter, which diminishes your ability to self-soothe.

    So what to do when your mood-regulating brain chemicals are fucking with your chi?
    Consult a Doctor who is well educated on menopause. Possibly a female for more knowledge and enpathy. Discuss hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or other treatments for severe symptoms.

    Find a menopause coach or wellness coach who can recommend natural supplements and holistic supplements to help you self-soothe. Explore how Dialectical Behaviour Therapy can help you, there’s even an app for this called Liven.

    Manage your stress by practicing mindfulness (living in the moment), try joining a yoga or meditation class. Exercise, put your bare feet on the ground and find creative outlets like pottery, painting or making sour dough to channel your emotions.

    And finally, optimize your lifestyle. Start by prioritizing sleep and staying hydrated. Your wellness coach can assist with a balanced diet that can also reduce cortisol levels (magnesium and B vitamins help). Swop out your coffee for cacao and sugar for honey. Find a calm space to retreat to when those murderous impulses rise, take a bubble bath and lock the door. (Yes please, it’s called boundaries)

    At the end of the day, menopause can be a real shit show. But it’s your shit show so try to implement some of these before you become one of those bad things that happen to good people.

    You’ve got this babe, just make a start and see how your life can change and grow through all of this.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • Did You Move To Trigger Town?

    DID YOU JUST MOVE TO TRIGGER TOWN?

    We’ve all been there. You asked your partner if the pool will be blue for the weekend and he lost his shit.
    He tapped you on the butt in the kitchen and you bit his head off.
    This is because without regulating our nervous systems, we’re all basically one eye roll away from a major tantrum.

    So why does something seemingly simple spike your anger like a rocket? Afterall, most of us are self-aware enough to know the argument wasn’t actually about stepping into the cat puke this morning.

    Firstly, when our nervous systems are overwhelmed we tend to run on survival mode. Your vagus nerve is stuck on fight/flight mode. Secondly, you have a ticking time bomb in your stomach and a vice grip around your heart, which is amplifying your anxiety. This is because the vagus nerve connects your body to your brain, so you feel your stress quite viscerally. In medical terms, you’re operating in sympathetic mode, your body is flooding with adrenaline and your heart rate is elevated.

    Then along comes a minor irritation and you find yourself on your broomstick before they could blink twice for help.
    This is where trigger stacking comes in. It’s an accumulation of both large and small stressors, which build up into a big reaction. One that leaves people wondering why you burst into tears over the order mix up at Micky D’s. Or a major tantrum in the parking lot sending the car guard scurrying off to safety.

    There are some useful tools you can put to work here. The first being to take a big breath and a slow exhale when something is really pissing you off. This pause will gift you (and everyone else in the room) the opportunity to choose how to respond. And it can make all the difference. Some words will stay with people long after you regret has faded.

    Before you go on the war path, there are some more nervous system techniques you can learn to keep things from overwhelming you.
    -You can cultuivate a sense of detachment where you can observe that thought. ‘Oops, there I go again’, let me change tack before the wrecking ball is unleashed.
    -That pause and exhale, will give you the opportunity for mindfulness, to assess whether your emotion was justified, or the result of trigger stacking.
    -Remove yourself from the situation and sit calmly till the visceral feelings in your body calm down. Notice your heart rate and breath, and start to slow it down.
    -Once your body and mind are feeling calmer, you can think more clearly and decide whether to return to the room. ‘Was it me?’ ‘Did I deserve that?’ ‘Were they out of line?’ ‘Unnecessarily rude to me?’ ‘Who needs to apologise?’ ‘Can I re-frame this and empathise with the other person?’
    Most importantly, if the conflict was justified … ‘Is it safe to go back?’

    If you’re feeling that your entire life has turned into a shit show, you are the victim of trigger stacking and you should take a look at ways to flip your script. Yoga and meditation are great ways to bring your nervous system into parasympathetic mode. Your body will soften, the intrusive thoughts will fade, and your muscles will relax. This is the rest and digest phase. During yoga your brainwaves will shift from the usual Beta to the slower Alpha wave, which promotes relaxation. Meditation will take you into Theta waves, which reduce anxiety, and a deeper practice like Yoga Nidra will shift you into the Delta waves, similar to a deep sleep.

    There are small things you can do daily, at home too, to take your power back. Like making sure you get enough sleep. Better nutrition and fewer stimulants.
    Grounding yourself by putting your bare feet on the floor and saying a simple affirmation like ‘You’ve got this, babe ‘
    Take time to stretch in bed, and set some intentions for your day before you become a slave to your phone.
    Work on a gratitude journal, just a few thoughts before bed or first thing in the morning to get into a good head space…And finally, add some self-care rituals so you’re not pouring from an empty cup.

    You’ve got this, boo.
    So don’t become one of those bad things that happen to good people! At the end of the day, you are responsible for your own triggers and people shouldn’t have to tiptoe around you.

    And lastly, before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you are not in fact surrounded by arseholes. Sometimes, the ultimate solution is to move forward, onwards and upwards. We were never meant to be stagnant or paralysed by stress.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted-element by element.”