Tag: Stereotypes

NEVER SHOW A MAN YOUR BOOBS & YOUR BRAIN AT THE SAME TIME!

Unless you want him to bust out in a sweat, springs and cogs bursting out of his ears, that is! Society has created a lot of broken toys. But this isn’t just about men.
I have a lot of experience in this area, life-long experience, and it’s been showing up a lot in the reactions I get to my writing.
It’s called cognitive dissonance, and it makes people feel quite uncomfortable.
Let me explain:
Cognitive dissonance is when you expect to feel one way about something, but find yourself feeling something different.
This is partly because we use stereotypes to take mental shortcuts, it’s easier than assessing each person or situation from scratch.

So when you meet a pretty blonde, you might be really amazed that she loves to mountain climb (if you bothered to ask).
Or when you meet a tattooed biker, it might confuse you that he loves to cook.
Models? Naturally stupid of course!
But here’s the thing, that woman on your Facebook in her tiny bikini on the pole might actually be a doctor, just enjoying the freedom and body positivity of pole fitness. (While your mind went straight to stripper)

So when we meet people we tend to put them in a box, especially women. We make a lot of assumptions based on their clothing, their face, their body or how they show up in our social media feed. And we expect them to behave according to the labels we assigned to them.

But here’s the thing…Just because she is in touch with her body or her sensuality, does not mean she is issuing invitations. And this is where the confusion, or cognitive dissonance can get ugly. The slut won’t chat to you in her DMs, so you send her a rude message after your first sleazy attempts fail. (Hey, WUD?….Hey, nice pussy…. Honey I think I love you…FU bitch, nobody wants you anyway). Except maybe she isn’t what you perceived her to be, and you’re the problem? I have lived some of these.
Hell, I have put out an ad for yoga instructor training and gotten a dick pic in reply to the advert, even where there was no sexy photo!

So why does this keep happening?
You get 3 types of people, in my experience.

1. Those who embrace the surprising truth. They think it’s cool that you can have a degree and be a model.
2. Those who will ignore anything that doesn’t fit their framework. (The one they put you in without letting you know about it.) These people will scroll past faster than you can spin the wheel of fortune.
3. And then lastly you get those who will have a reaction. They might get curious, and pick up the phone or send you a message wanting to know more about what you do. And when this happens everybody learns something. You learn how you are perceived by others, they will need to get that lecture off their chest. And then if you’re not too offended to carry on with the conversation they will learn how their judgements were out of place.*

*But then there’s the other side of that coin, the knee jerk reaction. Sometimes it seems like nothing enrages a man more than a sexy photo paired with a well written article about relationships or women’s wellness. Or a woman who loves that you are a mermaid but is completely shocked when you grow legs and climb a pole (I didn’t sign up for this. I’m unfollowing you.) The cognitive dissonance can be immense and extremely upsetting for some people. Men, particularly the ones who ‘know’ what roles a woman should play in society, will start to lash out if you don’t conform to certain roles. Madonna, maiden, mother, whore, crone…you know the stereotypes I’m speaking of.
To step out of these boundaries placed on women by the patriarchy can be anathema to these guys.
The burlesque dancer with a PhD.
The model with the import business.
The pretty blonde with her own mansion on the hill.
Self-made women, outspoken women, independent women who somehow are expected to look and act like men because of their many talents and skills.
Or quite simply the older woman who is still sexy and vibrant instead of knowing her place as expired milk, because ageing is a sin on social media. (I have received this particular insult, somebody didn’t get enough breast feeding I suspect).

We all know we cannot please everyone, and some of us will still try. But ladies, you are more than your boob job! Your body does not define you. Neither does your face, it’s merely a trick of nature. So wear the outfit, even if it does raise eyebrows. Dye your hair, take the course, book the solo plane ticket. Because only you get to decide how you are going to live your life. Don’t try to live it for other people, most are unsatisfiable. Express yourself and be authentically you, because the world needs to hear your message. And other women need to see women living their lives unapologetically and free.
Become the wild woman that you were intended to be, and your tribe will find you.

This is your solemn duty to the evolution of womankind. And as for your dude, find one who supports this personal growth, not one who keeps you in that damn box. Find friends who cheer for you, support you and show up for you. There is a reason that woman’s gatherings have been banned throughout the centuries, and it is this. These women will be your tribe, and together you will rise.

I am a traditional doctor, life coach & wellness coach.
You can book an appointment on WhatsApp 0833613255