Candice Baker Life Coach

Tag: Slut shaming

  • Slut Shaming… Are We Still Doing This?

    SLUT SHAMING, ARE WE REALLY STILL DOING THIS?

    I have seen some vicious attacks on women lately on social media. Slut shaming is defined as the stigmatization of an individual based on her appearance, sexual availability, and actual or perceived sexual behavior. It can take place in physical or virtual spaces.

    One of the biggest problems with slut shaming, is that it is based on rumour or perception rather than fact.

    Another problem with slut shaming is gender bias – women or girls are villainized for their appearance or rumoured behaviour, while the same behaviours in men go unnoticed, or are even praised.

    Swimwear, streaking, even sexting has different consequences for males and females. The double standard sanctions sexting for girls, while it trivializes it for boys, and this sanction can take the form of slut shaming too. Skinny dipping is just boys being boys, or girls being sluts.

    Often, all a girl or woman has to do is be popular, or grow big boobs too soon, and she will attract this reputation from other women / girls who want to be her, and men who want to sleep with her. (Or men who have been rejected by her).

    Slut shaming has an impact on the physical and psychological well-being of young girls as early as adolescence.

    It’s a form of violence stemming from bullying (or cyber bullying.) The consequences of which have been documented in the scientific literature:
    Negative emotions;
    Depression
    Thoughts of suicide;
    Academic difficulties and drop-out;
    Relational issues;
    Alcohol, tobacco, or substance abuse;
    Polyvictimization.

    And it’s no different for adult women.
    And it’s more than bullying, as it focuses on 1 gender only.
    In fact, this type of abuse falls under gender based violence. A vicious attack on the female character and morals, often with no base other than attire or body type. Slut shaming helps to consolidate and perpetuate gender norms and stereotypes and is a form of sexual oppression that is often trivialized.

    Self-presentation that is considered overly sexualized is often enough to result in slut shaming without a multiplicity of sexual partners. Or sexual behaviors labelled as “deviant” with respect to the established norms or sexual orientation can lead to slut shaming as well. Just because she wears a harness to a dress up party does not mean she is into BDSM, but all these examples are likely to lead to slut shaming. But only for the female. For example, this image is an outfit I wore on stage for a fire performance at a fetish-styled event. It says absolutely nothing about my morals.

    So we’re back to the stigmatisation of women who stand out in their clothing, body type, or who have the sexual ideals of men. We’re back to threatening women with violence, albeit verbal, if they look or act in a way that seems sexual, even if this is not actually the case. We’re back to keeping women small, and using coercion to do so. We’re back to applying one set of rules for females and another for men, in our society where we are supposed to be equal. We’re back to policing women’s bodies, and labelling them as dirty. We’re back to victim- blaming. Back to blaming other women for inciting lustful behaviour in men.
    You’ve just set the woman’s rights movement back 200 years, babe. Nothing good can come of this.

    All forms of bullying and gender based violence are wrong, even the verbal type. They are damaging and divide women. They break women down where we should be uplifting them.
    Women are as free to dress or behave as they please as men are.
    And in this country it’s the law.

    So next time you find yourself judging a female based on how she is dressed or the shape of her body, take a look at your thought process. Because she is not the problem, you are.

    I am a life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.

    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

  • Does This Image Trigger You?

    DOES THIS IMAGE TRIGGER YOU?

    Ladies, my posts are for YOU. I spend a good amount of time deleting any unwanted male energy from my profile.
    So why the sexy images? If you are triggered by these, let me tell you my story.

    I was an awkward child, shy and without many friends. If my one and only friend skipped primary school, I would sit alone at break and read my book. I still love reading today, and it has made my journey as an author so much easier too

    When I got to high school, I decided a re-brand was in order. I forced myself to come out of my shell, I made as many friends as I could, and I learned how to speak to boys.
    And you know what happened? The boys liked me too much, and the girls became competitive, bitchy, insecure (let’s face it). Rumours, accusations, even threats of physical violence. Jeez I hated high school! Women are taught at a young age to hate on other women, to slut shame other women, simply because some dude thinks they are pretty or interesting.

    I started modelling at 16, mostly to improve my self esteem. My parents did not understand what I was trying to do, “fake it till you make it”, ya know what I mean? So they weren’t very supportive and there was a lot of criticism. My mother would continually tell me that beauty comes from inside. And she was right, of course, in her own way. At the end of the day we need to focus on our inner selves as well. Find a balance, and the path to self appreciation.

    But here’s the thing, I got the psychology degree, the 2 kids, the divorce because I didn’t play small. I got the life coaching diploma, the pole dancing studio, the yoga qualifications.
    As women we need to come back to wholeness. To self love. To balance.
    Integrating the yin and the yang. Pole dance and burlesque really helped me with self love and appreciation. The kind you can’t get from the outside. From your bored husband or your wandering boyfriend.
    Yes, beauty is on the inside, and learning self love is the greatest journey you will ever embark on.
    But woman have been taught to suppress their sensuality, their goddess energy. To bow under the judgement of others and douse their inner fire.

    Even as an adult, there is pressure to play it down. But being a safe woman does not mean being a small woman. Be out there, by all means, just don’t take someone else’s husband along for the ride!
    And ladies, we are here to support each other and Iift each other up. There should not be competition between strong, or wild women. This woman does not need your man. And let’s be real here for a second. You cannot steal a man who is not willing to be stolen, unless you brought your cable ties and duct tape.

    Women are not just maidens, mothers, whores, crones. We are ALL of these things. And to be a highly functioning woman, a fully integrated embodiment of the divine feminine, we need to embrace all of these aspects of ourselves. Honour our bodies and our needs in a relationship that sees us in all our aspects, or in our sovereign single state.

    So if my posts are provoking an uncomfortable reaction in you, perhaps we could chat about how to integrate these more sensual aspects into your psyche. How to embrace all that you can be, and stop playing small. You are not just somebody’s girlfriend, somebody mother. You are not a washed up ok crone. You are an enchantress, a goddess full of life and love. Do not apologise for your roar, lioness.

    I am a life coach and relationship coach. You can book a session on WhatsApp 0833613255