Candice Baker Life Coach

Tag: Self esteem

  • The Cracked Mirror

    THE CRACKED MIRROR
    In my business I get to meet so many amazing women.
    Beautiful women.
    Vivacious women.
    Accomplished women.
    Compassionate women.

    And yet…they do not see themselves the way I see them.
    I could edit the most gorgeous photograph of one, poetry in motion. And you know what she will see? Tummy rolls. Like we are programmed to zoom in on our flaws, and disregard the positives.

    Often women fail to see the bigger picture, and get stuck on their imperfections. And it is this habit that erodes our self esteem. We are trained to look for our flaws rather than focus on our strengths. We grow up deflecting compliments and staying humbled by the judgements of others.
    We internalise those judgements until our own inner critic is more brutal than anyone on the outside could ever be.

    I am no different, I even resorted to plastic surgery in my 20’s. Despite the fact that I had so many amazing things going for me, I zeroed in on that one perceived flaw. And what followed was a disastrous sequence of events that affected my self esteem, my finances, my relationship, even my a ability to work.

    What women do not realise is that they’re already the full package. And that the more we recognise our own gifts, the more gratitude and self appreciation will fill our lives and change it’s very course.

    If you believed in yourself, what bold and brave choices might you make?
    How would you make love if you felt beautiful?
    What romantic partner would you seek if you felt worthy?

    The way we see ourselves is what will shape our lives, and this applies to men as well, naturally. But the women…all tangled up in how society expects us to look, it’s a travesty and a tragedy. It’s an added layer of ‘I’m not good enough’ and it can poison your entire life. When I acknowledge the amount of self loathing that women live with, I wonder how they manage to get out of bed in the morning.

    So just for today, start a journal.
    Each morning write in it something you like about yourself.

    Put a post it note on your mirror-“You are beautiful”
    Let’s shift the narrative.
    Let’s change our mindsets.
    We are enough.

    And just for today, do something nice for yourself. A flower on your coffee tray, some bubbles in your bath. Because you are worthy.
    Start a pattern that will change your mindset day by day.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255

    “Your most aligned life is crafted—element by element.”

  • Red Ridinghood & The Wolf

    Model: Candice Storm, Photographer: Mark Greenslade

    RED RIDING HOOD AND THE WOLF
    Just because he is pursuing you, doesn’t mean he deserves to have you, ladies. We’ve been taught that our value lies in being wanted, to be flattered by being noticed, that being chased means being chosen. But sometimes being chosen just means being used. Afterall, who is doing the choosing? Do you really want him, or do you just want to be wanted? Not everyone who chases you is for you, or even good for you, and people have their own agendas. Some men will choose you to fulfil their needs, to extract your feminine essence from you. While others might choose you to uplift and worship you, and it’s not always easy to see the difference at the outset.

    We’ve all done it. Started a relationship with somebody because it felt so great to feel chosen. But then you have a huge rupture in that relationship because of something he has done and he says, “at least I don’t cheat on you.” (Insert here that amazing thing you are supposed to be grateful for). And for a moment we are grateful for this. But why?
    Why the need for excuses to justify that he is actually such a great guy, despite the fact that he…..?
    Maybe if you’re having to talk yourself into this situationship there could be a red flag (or two) that you’re determined to ignore? To stay in your comfort zone, perhaps?

    So let’s break this down.
    This dude wants you to overlook his toxic behaviour, or maybe his abuse, or perhaps it’s alcoholism, or narcissistic rage…because he knows how to keep his dick in his pants? So we’re all good here?

    Um, ok, so you can insult your partner, attack her, bully her, be a complete waste of space, but she should be grateful to have you because you haven’t been shagging someone else behind her back?
    Or perhaps because no other woman in her right mind would take home such a specimen? And in return for your awesome fidelity she should be your mother, your therapist, your wife, your tantrika? What a great trade off (for YOU, mister)!

    Dear women of the world, please do not settle for this emotional blackmail. Just because he is faithful does not mean he is a good guy. Or that he is even nearly good enough for you.
    You deserve someone who is faithful AND treats you well. Someone who is reliable and provides safety for your weary heart. Your relationship is not a multiple choice test with only one right answer.

    You deserve someone who takes you away for a romantic weekend because they love you, not because they owe you an apology.
    You deserve someone who you can take to your fancy event, or a family lunch with the confidence that they know how to be sober and make you proud.
    The man who will buy you a special gift because you mean the world to him, not the guy who is using his wallet to manipulate you.

    And as for that one who wants to finance a set of double D’s and keeps bringing it up every time you get naked? Well ain’t that just the gift that tells you how sub-standard you are? What a generous guy, please feel free to kick him to the kerb, sis. You are beautiful and worthy and not in need of any further enhancements to suit his tastes, even if he does look like Brad Pitt.

    There are many things that a woman should be grateful for in her relationship, but the fact that he does not beat you up isn’t one of them. You do not have to be grateful for fidelity, or peace, or sobriety.
    These things are a given, they are to be expected and appreciated and returned in kind.

    Now I’m not saying you need to run out the door without regard to your personal safety or the means to feed your children.
    But what I am saying is please stop selling yourself short, today. Take small steps if you have to. Start a gratitude journal celebrating your own charms, romanticise your life, learn how to make yourself feel great, so that you’re not hanging on every word that comes out of his damn mouth. Start formulating a way to improve your relationship, or an exit plan if need be.

    Set some stronger boundaries and call him out on his bullshit, because you deserve a real man. One who provides love and safety and support. Someone who is all in, and wants to build a future with you. Nothing less is worthy of your mind, body and soul.

    Remove the blinkers and ask yourself if you are really lucky to have him, or are you just settling?
    No more kissing frogs, take off that cloak and show the world what you’re made of. An incarnation of the divine feminine, the creator of life and the deepest source of love and sensuality.
    Perhaps it’s time to join the thousands of women who are going boy sober. Not because they can’t get a guy, but because they are waiting for the worthy guy.
    I’ll say it again…it’s not your job to sit around looking pretty and taking shit from some dude. You are worthy of so much more.

    I am a holistic Life Coach and Wellness Coach. If you need to be reminded how amazing you are, you can WhatsApp me to book an appointment. 0833613255