Candice Baker Life Coach

Tag: relationship

  • The Sin Of Celibacy

    THE SIN OF CELIBACY

    Talk of celibacy can bring up a lot of touchy emotions, unless the topic is about nuns.

    And here’s the thing about sex…the way we think about it is changing.
    First women were told it’s dirty, something to be endured in order to make children.(1920’s)
    Then women were told they might as well enjoy it, as they’re going to have to do it for the rest of their lives. (1940’s)
    Then there was the free love era of the 1970’s, which must’ve felt very empowering at the time.
    But now? Celibacy can be a choice too. Whether you are single or repairing damage within a marriage. Yet somehow it’s being treated like some sort of mortal sin. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

    I spoke to a woman a while ago about her marriage. The suspicious texts and late nights at the office.
    The neglect she felt and the strings of affairs her husband had been having.
    And yet…mind-blowingly…she was still having sex with him. Offering her body up as a prayer, while disconnecting her heart from her womb.
    Allowing his betrayal to still enter her body in the most physical way, not just her heart and her mind. And it seemed impossible to me that women are expected to have sex with their partners within a marriage. No matter what.
    Now I know that the religious texts will come at this from the perspective that her body belongs to her husband. And his body belongs to his wife. And that he is expected to nurture and cherish her so she doesn’t need to worry about giving herself to him unconditionally. But is this ‘unconditional’ arrangement realistic in a world of scrolling and swiping right?

    Is this unconditional access not damaging to the feminine psyche when the conditions are less than ideal?

    Infidelity. Pregnancy. Illness. Post Partum. Grief. Conflict.

    Have women been brainwashed to seek value by making their bodies available to men? Husbands or otherwise? This thought hits pretty close to home for many. It starts with women being treated as ornaments, and ends with them being treated as concubines.
    Are women only valued as a spouse or partner if they are sexually compliant and accessible? What about everything else she brings to the relationship?

    For centuries a woman’s worth has been measured by her desirability. And men’s by how many cattle they own. But these old thought paradigms are losing relevance in a world where a woman can earn her own income and a man can be a stay at home dad.

    The feminine is now feeling burnt out due to overfuctioning— emotionally, sexually, energetically, and she is beginning to re-draw her boundaries. If she doesn’t feel loved, appreciated, held…she might not feel pressurised to submit to the sexual demands of her partner anymore.

    And this is a good thing…She re-groups, shines up her energy field, focuses inward for a while. And emerges the enchantress, attracting her man to her when things are good between them. Instead of submitting begrudgingly. Using HER powers of seduction, allowing him to feel chosen. Worthy.
    And he knows that he can reach her through love and a new found appreciation, That he can entice her with his charm, love and emotional safety.
    Both receiving the best of each other. Her glow and desire a yardstick to measure his success by as a partner.

    I’m not talking about a knee jerk reaction. I’m talking about conscious celibacy, where she keeps her freedom and sovereignty, she knows her worth and won’t stand for rejection or cheap seduction. She will love you out of devotion instead of guilt. She will feel secure in his love for her without needing to perform, but only if he is willing to evolve.

    A woman calling back her creative energy is not a rejection. It’s an invitation. To rise together. To build something better. To co-create.

    How would she make love to you if she chose you freely, and felt centred in her own desire rather than coerced to submit to yours?

    Celibacy is calling for sacred union, emotional safety and devotion by both parties. A step back to a time where your partnership was based on something more than robotic intercourse. And men are starting to say no too, so this can work both ways.
    Celibacy can be an invitation for personal growth, a call to redirect both your energies, or it can be seen as a punishment.
    And that depends on the perspective you choose.

    I am a holistic life coach and wellness coach, with a special interest in relationships and woman empowerment.
    T/DR Candice Baker
    00013133614
    You can book a session with me on WhatsApp
    +0027833613255


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  • The Conscious Relationship

    THE CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP

    There has been a lot of talk about conscious relationships, and one of the key ingredients is the ability to talk about our feelings.
    And then how to respond without defensiveness.

    My partner of 6 years once told me he has never discussed his feelings before in a relationship. Never spoken about sex, or any of the other things that come up for us.
    He has had 3 long relationships, yet never felt able or challenged to share his feelings. And the sad part is this is true for many men, taught to suppress their feelings.

    There are 3 phases in a relationship, and I would like to expand on this concept.

    1. The audition phase.
      This is where you show up as your best (and most unrealistic) self. A charade that hooks your partner, but is unsustainable. Or rather disintegrates into complacency.
    2. The shadow boxing stage.
      This is where the love hormones begin to fade and the gremlins come out. Most couples never make it out of this phase, trading up or trading in for another partner. And so the cycle begins again.
    3. The co-creation phase.
      This is where you learn to heal and respond to each other’s shadows in a constructive way, to build something meaningful that goes beyond the oxytocin, the sex, the anger and resentment. This is where you build a future, co-create a life that you both desire, and create a safe space for each other to express your emotions and design a relationship that elevates both partners to even more growth.
      Both of these things are not easy to do at first, but will help you grow through the icky phase into a better version of you as a couple.

    It may be uncomfortable, it may be hard, but with the right partner it is worth it. So, are you addicted to oxytocin, jumping ship when things get rough…forever chasing that love hormone?
    Or are you in it for the full rollercoaster ride, and maybe, just maybe, with the right person….you will co-create something beautiful.

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