WHEN MR. RIGHT BECOMES MR, WRONG
There seems to be a lot of break-ups going around lately! And the year of the Snake is all about shedding, if you but into that kind of thing….
But when it comes to relationships, how much time should we be investing in them?
Who is Mr Right (or Mrs Right) actually?
What does that even mean, if no relationship is perfect anyway?
You meet somebody, fall head over heels and then a year later you’re wondering what you saw in them? You’re managing expectations like a boss and wondering why the sound of his flip flops suddenly irritates you. Or why the sound of him breathing is making you mental, when you seemed ok with it last year?
Or you hit the 2 year mark and it’s a battlefield, one where you’re constantly having to put out fires. Hoping for a breakthrough instead of a break-up, while you have one eye on the hot young pool guy and 1 foot out of the door.
When we move too fast into a sexual relationship we are flooded with oxytocin, the love hormone, which essentially blinds us to the red flags or circumstances we would normally be able to see. It’s nature’s little trick to ensure we procreate. But when these chemicals die down, we are left wondering if we turned those red flags into a red carpet?
If we should stay or go?
Persevere or cut and run?
This is why the rebound relationship is so intense, wandering from the desert of your former relationship into a chemical oasis of passion, validation and the hottest sex you can remember .
But in moving on too soon you are often simply looking for all the attributes your past partner didn’t have. A massive reaction to the past relationship. Rather than focusing on what you do want, you’re just looking for someone who embodies what you don’t want. The polar opposite of your ex is now the most attractive thing in the room, instead of someone who is actually suited to you.
And the crunch?
None of us are getting any younger! Perhaps you want to move to the seaside with a stable and significant partner, or maybe your biological clock is ticking?
So here we are, switching relationships every 5 or 10 years, or indulging that 7 year itch, when perhaps we should be setting limits.
Whether to leave a relationship or work harder on it is one of the hardest decisions you will ever make.
If it’s not going anywhere after 1 year, perhaps we should move on? Set a time limit on how much of your life you are prepared to share in a doomed liaision.
Or after a 2 year relationship that has declined into an exhausting loop of soul draining dysfunction, we should set a deadline.
To walk away. To take back your energy.
To re-evaluate our needs and priorities.
To find somebody better suited for the right reasons, instead of a knee jerk relationship. Is it any wonder it didn’t work out, afterall?
Not everybody is for everyone.
And time is not promised to anyone.
So stop treating your life like a rehearsal, start living as if it’s the main event. Because you deserve to get the most happiness out of this life as you can.
Makes you think, doesn’t it?
I am Candice Baker, a holistic Life Coach, Wellness Coach and Relationship Coach.
Book a session with me on WhatsApp 0833613255
Candice Baker Life Coach 