Tag: Oxytocin

THE CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP

There has been a lot of talk about conscious relationships, and one of the key ingredients is the ability to talk about our feelings.
And then how to respond without defensiveness.

My partner of 6 years once told me he has never discussed his feelings before in a relationship. Never spoken about sex, or any of the other things that come up for us.
He has had 3 long relationships, yet never felt able or challenged to share his feelings. And the sad part is this is true for many men, taught to suppress their feelings.

There are 3 phases in a relationship, and I would like to expand on this concept.

1. The audition phase.
   This is where you show up as your best (and most unrealistic) self. A charade that hooks your partner, but is unsustainable. Or rather disintegrates into complacency.
2. The shadow boxing stage.
   This is where the love hormones begin to fade and the gremlins come out. Most couples never make it out of this phase, trading up or trading in for another partner. And so the cycle begins again.
3. The co-creation phase.
   This is where you learn to heal and respond to each other’s shadows in a constructive way, to build something meaningful that goes beyond the oxytocin, the sex, the anger and resentment. This is where you build a future, co-create a life that you both desire, and create a safe space for each other to express your emotions and design a relationship that elevates both partners to even more growth.
   Both of these things are not easy to do at first, but will help you grow through the icky phase into a better version of you as a couple.

It may be uncomfortable, it may be hard, but with the right partner it is worth it. So, are you addicted to oxytocin, jumping ship when things get rough…forever chasing that love hormone?
Or are you in it for the full rollercoaster ride, and maybe, just maybe, with the right person….you will co-create something beautiful.

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