ARE YOU THE PRIZE OR THE PREY?
A look into the Predator / Prey Relationship Dynamic.
We’ve all grown up with the idea that men are programmed to be the hunter, that they thrive on the thrill of the chase, and that a high value woman will require an extended period of effort before she can be claimed as the prize. An easy target will be seen to have a lower worth, and a woman who is not readily available will be the one who is more worth his time and future effort.
Our mothers might have told us that you should always keep a man on his toes, for example, otherwise he might lose interest if you don’t pique his hunting instinct. But what if there is a more sinister version buried underneath this dynamic, one where the hunter becomes the predator, and the prize becomes the prey?
In psychology, the “predator-prey relationship” can be metaphorically applied to understand interactions between individuals, particularly in situations involving manipulation, power dynamics, and even trauma recovery.
So when you want to be a cute little bunny, you may be unwittingly attracting a predator. It’s a great metaphor. Isn’t it interesting how a bunny is a prey animal, but also the symbol of sexuality in modern media? That it’s used in the skin trade to portray beautiful (often naked) women? Perhaps thanks to Hugh Hefner and his playboy bunnies, we may have been given an inadvertent peek into the psyche of something deeper and more primal.
Have you ever submitted in an argument, tried to withdraw or escape from it, only to discover this actually heightens the tension and anger of your partner?
Now, In not saying that this is exclusively a male response to conflict, merely noting that men are already equipped with a strong hunting instinct. And this might engage a dynamic where one person (the “predator”) seeks to exploit or control another (the “prey”). Telling you you are a slut, policing what you wear, or emotional manipulations to control you are all red flags.
The predator wants to gain advantage over you, and uses tactics like gaslighting (denying your feelings are valid), or exploiting your vulnerabilities. He/she will bring up something you told them in confidence, and use it as a weapon to shame you into behaving a certain way, such as backing down in an argument.
You’re tired of arguing, and s/he won’t stop, but the more you stuff toilet paper in your ears to avoid hearing hurtful words, the more full of shit they become, no pun intended. This is because your submissiveness is activating their hunting instinct, and they feel powerful, perhaps even drunk on it. There is no empathy for your vulnerability, only an opportunity to twist the knife. A power play to ‘win’.
Or he is calmly pushing your buttons, enjoying watching your reactions, toying with you like a game of cat and mouse? Manipulating you till you crack, till you lash out, till you become the bad person. (This is called reactive abuse)
The ‘Prey’ in this scenario represents someone who is susceptible to these tactics, often due to emotional vulnerability, insecurity, or a lack of awareness about the manipulative behavior in play.
This is you trying to avoid the escalating conflict, and him hiding your car keys (control). You trying to hide behind the bed so he can’t keep on arguing with you, and him searching the house until he finds you (victimisation). You threatening to call the security and him telling you they will have to shoot him (manipulation).
You trying to sleep while he fights with you, pouring poison into your ear all night (emotional abuse).
The fight and flight reflex is in full swing for both of you.
In this type of relationship your partner might use physical, emotional, or verbal abuse to exert power over you.
Predators are skilled manipulators who often exhibit characteristics such as a lack of empathy or charming behaviour to get what they desire. And that’s what I think we forget about abusers, they have this magnetic streak. Afterall, would you stay if it was all bad? There is a crossover with the narcissistic love bombing streak in here too. You’re addicted to the flowers, the compliments, the apologies, the dopamine. And he gets high on being the puppet master, the one pulling the strings and manipulating your behaviour.
And while he is taking advantage of your vulnerabilities for his own personal supply, you might notice a complete lack of remorse in his dealings with you. He doesn’t get why you are still upset by his words or behaviour, when he has moved on already. This is a trait associated with sociopaths.
And if you’re the the prey?
You’re the one who is emotionally vulnerable, easily influenced by others’ emotions.
You might have low self-esteem, easily melting when you receive a compliment. Overlooking bad behaviour in exchange for recieving love, or is it obsession?
And if you have difficulty setting boundaries, then this is you too, struggling to say “no” or assert your own needs while you are being trampled on.
It’s important to recognise these patterns in a relationship, and seek intervention if they are severe.
Recognizing the signs of a predator-prey dynamic is crucial for protecting yourself from manipulation and abuse.
Seeking support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist can help you develop the skills and strategies needed to navigate these situations.
And when you enter a trauma recovery program or counseling, you will realise you have been “preyed upon.”
And here is where the positive side of predatory behaviour comes in. Your recovery process can involve developing a “predator mindset” to regain control of your life and sovereignty of yourself.
This doesn’t mean becoming a literal predator, but rather developing the characteristics of strength and resilience to overcome the effects of trauma.
A return to balance, a healing of your fractured psyche and twisted heart.
So if you find yourself hiding behind the furniture or trying to get him off your car bonnet while making your escape, it might be time to speak out and ask for help.
I am a holistic Life Coach and Wellness Coach. You can get in touch with me for an appointment.
Whatsapp 0833613255
Candice Baker Life Coach 